26 - SHARP ( W/ Sophie White)

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Throughout time, philosophers have befuddledly wondered aloud the answer to one simple question: How do you describe salt without saying salty? Today, in this very podcast studio, two non-philosophers will attempt to answer that question with the help of some special guests and the time-tested medium of long-form improv. Whether or not that improv will actually have anything to do with the topic at hand is frankly not up in the air. It won't have anything to do with it. But you'll still want to listen anyway. Welcome to Describe Salt. And we're live.

SPEAKER_05 1:00

Are we? Yeah. Is the universal lining?

SPEAKER_07 1:03

Is the un Oh. Like in in general? Yeah, like in general, but like Actually, I shouldn't have said that because I don't even know what in general means in this context. Okay. What?

SPEAKER_05 1:14

So we're trying to do video right now. We are trying to do video for the first time ever. Do you think it will work? And I'm not gonna make an ass of myself. And well, not have the video. I'm excited that the video is is happening.

SPEAKER_07 1:30

Me too. It's a step in the right direction. And I think it's gonna work. I think we're in puberty. But I do want to just point out the thing that you pointed out to me moments before we started filming. Physically point it. That uh the sound quality is gonna be different than usual. It is.

SPEAKER_05 1:47

But you don't have to No, if you tell them that now they know.

SPEAKER_07 1:49

I d that's that's I know, but I know they know. I know, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_16 1:52

I'm sorry, I can't listen to this podcast anymore.

SPEAKER_07 1:55

No, no, you can listen. You can listen. You can do anything you want. You don't have to you don't have to listen to the to the slumlords. Slumlords? That's not the word I meant.

SPEAKER_05 2:05

I own the slums. I'm the lord of the slums. What do you want from me?

SPEAKER_04 2:08

I had nothing to do with what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_05 2:11

I tried to do a video podcast one time. He called me a slumlord. Okay. My daughter, Jerry Seinfeld, just made championship. And I'm Derek, and this is a podcast about improv.

SPEAKER_07 2:28

Um we can't we can't handle the pressure of video, apparently. I can't. And I and I look and I'm looking away.

SPEAKER_05 2:38

I think I am supposed to look.

SPEAKER_07 2:39

And I'm Dan. And this is this is a podcast about improv. I did set up our guest's camera. And now it's a video about improv.

SPEAKER_05 2:46

I did set up our guests' camera at like an angle. Did you? You had a Dutch angle? Yeah. Oh, kind of a Dutch. Oh, your camera is skewampus and white. But it's not gonna be like a Dutch angle. It's gonna be like a Dutch. Dutch.

SPEAKER_04 2:59

Yeah, like a Dutch.

SPEAKER_05 3:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 3:02

Yep. Do you know any Dutch? Uh like words? Sure. Or uh I don't know what else. Do you know any Dutch? I I guess I could have been asking, do you know any Dutch people, but just left off the word people?

SPEAKER_05 3:17

That's true.

SPEAKER_07 3:18

Do you know any Dutch? Do you know any Dutch? No, I don't. Should I? I met one Dutch person through the internet. Oh. And we flirted a little. We were playing Survivor online. Oh my god, you're such a nerd. And we were we were tribe mates, and we got a little flirty, and then um I found out that they were trying to vote me off behind my back. And then I successfully turned it around and voted them out instead, and they never spoke to me again.

SPEAKER_05 3:48

The pegger becomes the pegged. Okay. I guess you could say you tried to hit that Dutch angle. Nothing. Well, it's lucky that I made that terrible joke because we actually in the studio today have an expert with us. Do we? Yeah, not an expert on salt, but we do have an expert on the Dutch angle.

SPEAKER_07 4:08

Yeah, here at Describe Salt, we do always like to bring in an expert of some kind, uh, just to get a new perspective on things. Uh so yeah. Yeah, our expert today is expert of Dutch angles.

SPEAKER_05 4:21

I hear a pioneer of Dutch angles. Yes. Brought them straight to America from England, where Dutch sent them. Please introduce yourself.

SPEAKER_12 4:32

Hello, I am Sophie White, expert in Dutch angles. Oh. And knowing of some Dutch words. Wow. Yes. Wow. Okay. Does the is that connected to the fact that you what what I know everything about Dutch angles, Dutch angles, Anglic. If that's it, it's Angladucts. Anglicts.

SPEAKER_07 4:56

Anglicts. Those are that's those.

SPEAKER_12 4:57

If you want to know about it, I can tell you about it.

SPEAKER_07 4:59

That's those that's those ancient like water canals that the Romans built.

SPEAKER_12 5:04

Yeah, but especially angular.

SPEAKER_16 5:08

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_12 5:09

Because it's yeah, yeah, that's where the angla comes in. Yes. So angla, Latin root, angular. Yes. As we all know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But but but it just makes sense. I did think it would be I don't know if you guys are interested, you know, one that I have off the top of my head. For example, Dutch word, chicken. This is so cute. Prepare yourself.

SPEAKER_05 5:33

I'm ready. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_12 5:34

Kippen.

SPEAKER_05 5:35

Uh kippen.

SPEAKER_12 5:36

The Dutch word for chicken is kippen.

SPEAKER_05 5:38

Kippin. That's the cutest thing I've ever heard of. Is it also?

SPEAKER_12 5:39

Kippen, kip kip, kip kip. Because that's what they say they like make the sound of. Kip, kip, kip, kip.

SPEAKER_07 5:44

Oh. Yeah, that is really cute. One of those, uh, you know, I was actually just at an aviary today. Yeah. And I was looking at how many birds are named after the sound they make.

unknown 5:53

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 5:53

And I wish there was more in English.

unknown 5:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 5:55

I mean, am I well, I don't know. American birds, birds that are native to America, don't typically do that, other than like chickadee. That's like the only really American example. Yeah. But there's plenty of uh other birds from around the world at that aviary. Wait, example. The Kia and the Kookaburra.

SPEAKER_12 6:15

Oh yeah. And and Kia. Kia. Kookaburra. What does a Kia look like?

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Is that a colorful bird?

SPEAKER_07 6:20

Kia's like a really big green ground parrot. They don't fly, they just hop around. They're from New Zealand. They're really cool. But hey, hey, I'm not the expert. You're the expert. Well, on Dutch angles. On Dutch angles.

SPEAKER_12 6:34

And we're here to talk about Dutch angles.

SPEAKER_05 6:36

Yeah, not birds.

SPEAKER_12 6:37

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_05 6:38

Unless there is there a bird called the Dutch angle?

SPEAKER_12 6:40

Um Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:42

Okay. Yeah, there is.

SPEAKER_12 6:43

They're very rare. So obviously they're Anglo-Saxon. Oh, okay. That makes sense. Yeah. You would have thought Dutch, but you'd be wrong if you had assumed that. I do.

SPEAKER_05 6:54

Why did they get their name?

SPEAKER_12 6:56

From from the Dutch angle? They're angle. Well, they're Anglo-Saxon. The Dutch part of it, I just think they maybe like to the Anglo-Saxon people looked as if they had a Dutch face. Okay. You know, it was sort of uh I don't know how the Dutch people look.

SPEAKER_07 7:12

It sounded like an insult. Dutch. Yeah, it was potentially.

SPEAKER_12 7:15

I think it was. I think it was more of a war thing. I mean, they didn't live in Weren't the ancestors of the Dutch the Anglo-Saxons?

SPEAKER_05 7:22

Um I thought you it might as well be. No, I know this, but I'm just testing it. Because I don't know this.

SPEAKER_07 7:28

You know. I've we did ask you to come on and quiz us. So we need to, we need to. I'm sorry. I know but really hard right there. Okay. Well, I I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go with uh yes. That's a great question to whatever the question is.

SPEAKER_12 7:43

I also believe that this is true, and I'm gonna say you're right.

SPEAKER_05 7:46

I actually think that the truth is relative, so I'm gonna say no. Say no to that one.

SPEAKER_12 7:52

Just press you're just doing a devil's advocate sort of situation.

SPEAKER_05 7:56

I actually was taking the Dutch angle and saying no.

SPEAKER_12 7:59

So You pass with flying color. Damn it! Congratulations. You are a star student.

SPEAKER_07 8:06

I was already told I was correct, and apparently there was a more correct way to.

SPEAKER_12 8:09

There is. There's always more correct. There's correct, and there's always more correct.

SPEAKER_05 8:12

So the bird is not related to the Hitchcockkian filmmaking technique.

SPEAKER_12 8:16

Aaron Ross Powell Well, there is a bird called the Hitchcockan, and that's a sort of rooster situation, but different.

SPEAKER_15 8:23

A rooster. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 8:25

The ancestors of the birds who attacked um the actress in the birds. What's her name?

SPEAKER_05 8:31

Uh the only word that came to my mind is Gorgonzola, and I don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_12 8:35

Yeah, of course, Mrs. Gorgonzola.

SPEAKER_05 8:37

The first name that popped into my mind was uh Eva Gabor. I don't think that's I don't think that's it. You know what? It's not Marilyn Murray, the expert.

SPEAKER_12 8:47

I think we're all testing ourselves right now to not have our phones out and to be talking about stuff.

SPEAKER_07 8:51

I also feel like my phone is currently recording right now, so I do feel like none of us know the name of that woman. Well, I did it. We do feel like we'd all be like, uh oh, I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_12 9:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 9:06

I didn't know that. Oh, there he goes. There he goes, typing it into a computer.

SPEAKER_12 9:10

Yeah. Oh, classic. Can't live without his answers, can't stay in a moment of questioning. Ooh, ooh.

SPEAKER_07 9:17

Okay. Yeah. Okay. I okay. I do want to talk about it's great that we've been talking about other Dutch things.

SPEAKER_11 9:23

My expertise.

SPEAKER_07 9:25

But I but I do. We were under the impression that you were specifically the Dutch angle. Oh my gosh. It's Tibi Hedron. Obviously. Oh, of course.

SPEAKER_12 9:33

Oh, yeah, Tibby. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:35

We all knew that. Tibby. Tippy. Well.

SPEAKER_12 9:39

Or not Tibi. That is the question.

SPEAKER_05 9:41

Shakespeare's cousin.

SPEAKER_12 9:44

We all knew that. Yeah, I knew that.

SPEAKER_05 9:45

I knew that.

SPEAKER_12 9:46

Um Shakespeare knows for sure.

SPEAKER_07 9:48

Yeah, I think he got lynched, so I think we okay. What? I actually don't think I can say that. I think I can.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Hey. Hey. Should I bleep that?

SPEAKER_07 9:56

I don't know if bleeping is the correct.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Just a full cut. Just a full cut, I think it's probably a whole day.

SPEAKER_07 10:05

You were about to say something before I offended someone. Oh, I'm I'm completely.

SPEAKER_12 10:11

You said Dutch angle, something.

SPEAKER_07 10:13

You know, we should just talk about Dutch angles, since that's once again what we brought you on to talk about. Of course. What what is the making of a good Dutch angle? Yeah. What is the emotion behind a good Dutch angle?

SPEAKER_12 10:27

Um off balance. Off balance. Off your off your off your rocker.

SPEAKER_16 10:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 10:34

Angular. Okay. You got the the Dutch angle is all about, I think, not feeling well.

SPEAKER_16 10:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 10:41

You know? Whether that's for suspense or or any number of reasons, it's just not comfortable, I think.

SPEAKER_04 10:51

Yes. Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_12 10:53

I'm not a filmmaker. I know of a Dutch angle and I know what it is. But I I have done two short films.

SPEAKER_07 11:00

Okay. Oh.

SPEAKER_12 11:01

I am a mere I am a mere novice in the world of film.

SPEAKER_07 11:05

But you are a pioneer in the field of Dutch angles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's fascinating. That you don't have to be, you're you're living proof that it's not a good idea.

SPEAKER_11 11:13

I'm kind of a personality hire. Oh, so when America is like two different things.

SPEAKER_05 11:19

So when America reached out to Europe and they're like, hey, all of Europe, we're looking for some crazy new techniques to put in our films. They were like, check this Sophie out. Yeah, yeah. They've got a crazy angle.

SPEAKER_12 11:31

She's got some great jokes, that girl. She's got some great jokes. And and then, you know, people come up to me and they say, Dutch angle or no, here do you think? And I say, Yeah. I think for sure what your power is and what you do is good.

SPEAKER_07 11:46

I really appreciate that sentence, and I do hope it's said exactly like that. Dutch angle or no, do you think? Every single bag.

SPEAKER_12 11:54

This is how people speak. Consultants, please come over here.

SPEAKER_07 11:57

Um Dutch angle or no, do you think?

SPEAKER_12 12:00

Uh, yes. Hard. The opportunities that you have placed are very strong. They just keep talking and stories.

SPEAKER_07 12:09

Starting to sound like a like a one of those robotic fortune tellers.

SPEAKER_12 12:13

I think I'm going like Eurovision, you know. Sure. Oh girl, you are putting the opportunities in front of me that are making me think about hard, okay?

SPEAKER_07 12:23

Thank you. Thank you. Does that mean we should do the Dutch angle or no? I cannot tell. I think yes. I think yes.

SPEAKER_05 12:30

I think it's always the Dutch angle.

SPEAKER_12 12:31

I think that you're the one who is strong in the way, who are you, to be doing what you did. Wow.

SPEAKER_05 12:37

And now you are the Dutch angel. I think I need to call my mom. Yeah, is she okay? She likes Dutch Dutch angles. Oh. I'm asking. Sure. I don't know. I have no idea. Well, Sophie.

SPEAKER_15 12:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:54

Expert of Dutch Angels. Angels. Dutch Angel as well, yeah. Dutch Angels as well?

SPEAKER_12 12:58

What's a Dutch angel? Oh, of course. It's a um an angel to the Dutch people. So it's a particular culture thing, which of course I know a lot about.

SPEAKER_05 13:07

That felt really on the nose. Like it felt very obvious. Like they could have called it something cooler.

SPEAKER_12 13:13

Okay, what is a Dutch angel though? No, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_11 13:15

No, speak to it, Jared.

SPEAKER_05 13:18

I know a guy named Jarek. Um, okay, well, a Dutch angel is like, you know, when you're doing a snow angel, but you look like a Dutchman. That's all it is. Okay. If only that's what it was.

SPEAKER_07 13:30

But it's not. It's an angel in that Dutch people believe in.

SPEAKER_12 13:34

Oh, see? Exactly. And that's right.

SPEAKER_05 13:37

I am just such a stupid dick.

SPEAKER_12 13:38

And you are more correct. Star student. I win the trivia. You have to rip the stars from Derek's uniform to place them on yours.

unknown 13:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 13:49

Told you I was going to get you back.

SPEAKER_12 13:50

Derek, you had sorry, you had a question. No, I think they're before you said angels.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

I don't think that's I think it's enough. I think I've said enough questions for the day.

SPEAKER_05 13:58

You've said enough. I've said enough. Uh no, well, Sophie, expert of Dutch angels. Angels. Dan, will you complete my sentence?

SPEAKER_07 14:08

I can sure try. I have a feeling it's going to be different than the one you were going to say. Correct. Sophie, expert of Dutch angel uh angel uh Dan. What's what's what's your I told you it's not going to be what you thought it was going to be. What's your uh what's the best example of a Dutch angle in a movie?

SPEAKER_09 14:32

Oh yes, I have a good example of this. I'm so glad. I'm trying to think of it.

SPEAKER_05 14:41

And it's it's nice how quickly you came up with it.

SPEAKER_12 14:43

Yeah, I'm trying to think of any movie that has a Dutch angle right now.

SPEAKER_05 14:47

I can think of like six.

SPEAKER_12 14:48

Six? Oh give me some. Just brush it on my ear or something.

SPEAKER_05 14:52

Um if you think too hard, you might get vertigo. If you Yeah, but I haven't seen that.

SPEAKER_12 14:56

Like I know it's there. I know Hitchcock uses it, but I haven't seen a lot of it.

SPEAKER_05 14:59

If you can be turnaround, it could be in the rear window. Grand Brianus. You could just say any movie and window.

SPEAKER_04 15:05

You could be in the barbarian.

SPEAKER_12 15:06

Ringo.

SPEAKER_07 15:07

Rango. Ringo does have a nut in Rango.

SPEAKER_12 15:10

I I thought it would. Rango's very artsy. And I think Ringo isn't talked about enough. I like it.

SPEAKER_07 15:14

Rango Unchained?

SPEAKER_12 15:16

Hey, Derek. It's HR. So that's strike three, so HR wants to speak with you. That was Okay. Okay. Yeah. Or you let him in. Yeah. Hello. Welcome to HR.

SPEAKER_05 15:26

Hi. Hi.

SPEAKER_12 15:27

Do you know what you did?

SPEAKER_05 15:28

Yeah, I made three comments that were slightly inappropriate and could be taken racistly, but that's not how I intended.

SPEAKER_12 15:36

Okay. And you see the rule number one of this workplace? It's toe the line, right? Oh yeah, don't be racist. Don't be racist, number one. Number two, don't be sexist. Nope. Nope. Nope. Okay. That was fine. Number three, don't be sexism. Sexism is less important than towing the line. I can say that. That's allowed. Yeah, yeah. I can say that. Okay, okay. You can't say that. Okay, toe the line. Toe the line. Okay. Don't be racist.

SPEAKER_05 16:03

Explain to me like I'm five what you mean by toe the line.

SPEAKER_12 16:06

Toe the line.

SPEAKER_05 16:07

So I kicked the camera. Does that also exist? Is everybody okay out there?

SPEAKER_12 16:12

Is everybody okay at home?

SPEAKER_05 16:14

Probably fine.

SPEAKER_07 16:15

You are not experiencing an earthquake. It's just everything's gonna be alright. It's just Derek kicking the camera because HR makes him nervous. Sorry, I'm not sure. Sorry, I'm not supposed to be here for the HR means.

SPEAKER_12 16:26

Toe the line is when you feel you see the line. You know there's the line in the sand. It's like, oh, don't cross the line. You're walking on the line. So you're like towing it. So you're just, you know, I'm gonna take a step away from that.

SPEAKER_16 16:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 16:37

I'm gonna take a step away from that. I'm not gonna cross that line.

SPEAKER_16 16:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 16:41

Because I, Derek, am one, not a racist. And three.

SPEAKER_05 16:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 16:48

Not a sexist. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:49

Because two, good.

SPEAKER_12 16:53

That's very good.

SPEAKER_07 16:53

This has been very informing, informative. Steve, you're not supposed to be here. Sorry, sorry. Steve. I just I'm sorry. I have the next five minutes. Um are you also talking to HR? Yeah, I just had a follow-up that I want to do.

SPEAKER_12 17:05

This is like a severed, a several severance? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. You are allowed five claps. Please keep your claps to a minimum.

SPEAKER_07 17:13

Yes, thank you. I did I did take my claps. Uh I just wanted to follow up and see if uh you were gonna be able to do anything about the fact that Derek has been taking my parking spot.

SPEAKER_12 17:23

Oh. Derek has been taking your parking spot?

SPEAKER_07 17:25

Yes, sorry. I I I submitted it through the suggestion box. I didn't know if you'd seen it yet, maybe not.

SPEAKER_12 17:31

As an employee to this facility, are you paying for that parking spot?

SPEAKER_07 17:35

Well, no, it's just Oh, okay. So Yeah, yeah, it's been my parking spot for like a couple of years now. Yeah, but it's our spot. Well, sure, but it's just I feel like everyone's come to the understanding that I get to park in the spot that's closest to the corner because I like being able to sit in my car and look to the left dramatically after a long hard day at work.

SPEAKER_12 17:55

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 17:55

And I don't like having other cars.

SPEAKER_12 17:57

You're vaping in there all this time.

SPEAKER_07 17:59

Sometimes I vape.

SPEAKER_12 18:01

And look dramatically to the left.

SPEAKER_07 18:03

And so and then I look dramatically to the left. And if there's other cars that are in the way, then I can't really do that because I'm just looking at a car instead of out at the beautiful sunset or whatever.

SPEAKER_12 18:11

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 18:12

Um, so I just wanted to make sure.

SPEAKER_12 18:14

Do you want to file have you filed a request form yet?

SPEAKER_07 18:17

Or is that different than the suggestion?

SPEAKER_12 18:19

Yeah, so the suggestion is the one that got us into this HR meeting. Okay. But the request form will get it so that I think about the content of the HR meeting.

SPEAKER_07 18:27

And do I put this in the same box as the suggestion box?

SPEAKER_12 18:29

Um yeah, and I just will file it and take it.

SPEAKER_07 18:31

And you just file it differently.

SPEAKER_12 18:33

Two to five year time.

unknown 18:37

Oh.

SPEAKER_12 18:37

Something and somewhere. It's like two to five. It's probably more in the five, but maybe closer to the two.

SPEAKER_07 18:42

Well, in the meantime, I'd I was thinking about uh pre maybe not working here for that long. And I'd really prefer to be able to look out the left side of my car to be.

SPEAKER_12 18:52

When are you wanting to be not working?

SPEAKER_05 18:54

Hey, can I just like interject real quick?

SPEAKER_07 18:56

I'm actually fine with this, yes. If you could plug your ears, Steve. Oh. Then I'm not okay with it.

SPEAKER_05 19:02

I'm pretty sure he has been leaving his empty beer cans on my car windshield. He's leaving bushlight and Mr. Pibb cans.

SPEAKER_09 19:12

Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_07 19:12

Uh I did not plug my ears and I have been doing that. Oh.

SPEAKER_12 19:16

I just think that you don't need to quit the job because we're letting you go.

SPEAKER_05 19:25

Getting fired for Mr. Pib. Oh.

SPEAKER_12 19:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:28

Who's got the better parking spot? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_12 19:31

We just think that you're very inconsistent and your lack of uh compelling request forms tells us a lot about your character.

SPEAKER_07 19:38

You know, I I I I I understand. Um, I'll be taking my severance package and I'll be there will be no severance package.

SPEAKER_12 19:47

No, I understand.

SPEAKER_07 19:49

I understand. I'll just go look dramatically out my car window somewhere else.

SPEAKER_12 19:54

Yes, please give me your parking pass. I thought we didn't have parking passes, though. Oh, that's right. You didn't pay for one, you little freak. Get out.

SPEAKER_05 20:02

Okay, so let's just freak.

SPEAKER_12 20:04

This is why you're fired.

SPEAKER_05 20:05

Wow. We need to get out of this scene. We didn't shake into the scene.

SPEAKER_12 20:10

No, we haven't talked about salt at all.

SPEAKER_07 20:12

We haven't. And on that note, I think this is a great time to take a quick break.

SPEAKER_09 20:24

Sounds good.

SPEAKER_07 20:26

A new thing we're trying here to describe salt. We're gonna let our lovely Dutch angle expert slash HR personnel go, and we'll be right back in a minute with our improviser comedian guest for the episode. Don't, don't, don't go anywhere unless you hate advertisements. Mr.

SPEAKER_05 20:50

Pip, now it's over. It's over. Oh my goodness. Okay, well, I think it's time we formally introduce our actual guest today because that was all just a character. That I just broke immersion so bad right there, Dan. I'm gonna be honest, you did. Okay. I I had a crazy day at work, and then I just all I wanted to do is improv, man. So like I'm here now, and we're doing it. You're fully immersed. This is a I I feel like I should edit myself out, but I'm not going to because I have video going today. Professional. Professional. We hit a commercial break a second ago. You're right, we did. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this doesn't have to be real. None of this is real. I'm actually gonna cut.

SPEAKER_16 21:38

Yeah, let's cut it. That's fine. We can do that.

SPEAKER_05 21:40

I had a major brain fart. And we're back in the brain. Alright, well, this is a podcast called Describe Salt, in which we bring on a different comedian every single week to help us figure out what that little flaky white thing is that everybody's so freaking hyped up about. Like Trump's causing wars over the thing. So like what's what is it? What is that thing? It's salt.

SPEAKER_07 22:06

It oh but we're asking for it's the other we're we're looking for another way. There has to be another way. There has to be another way to do that.

SPEAKER_05 22:19

That's what we're that's what we're out to find. So today we bring on our good friend Sophie White.

SPEAKER_12 22:24

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome, Sophie.

SPEAKER_05 22:27

Local comedian, author, diplomat, actor, all of these. Movie star, dancer, musician, not a dancer and philosophical aristocrat, artist, indubitively, philanthropist, doctor, doctorate, holder.

SPEAKER_12 22:48

Yes. No.

SPEAKER_05 22:50

Plagiarizer.

SPEAKER_12 22:51

Maybe you want to engage it. Wouldn't you? You like to know. Yeah. Nice try, Copper.

SPEAKER_05 22:58

Dang it. Uh anyway, Sophie, uh, introduce yourself.

SPEAKER_12 23:02

Hello, hello. Uh uh about me, about what I do.

SPEAKER_05 23:06

Yeah, who are you? Whatever you want. Not some fake o who's No, never.

SPEAKER_12 23:12

I I never who told you. I I I don't know. I grew up in Utah. Uh yeah. I wanted to, I was a crazy child. Um, you know, you know how like a lot of women are diagnosed with ADHD like later in life? Yeah. When they're yeah, so not me. So when I was in like fourth grade, they'd been like, what's wrong with this? It was wild!

SPEAKER_04 23:31

It was fourth grade for me too.

SPEAKER_05 23:32

It's a pretty good age. And they put me on Ritalin and it made me depressed.

SPEAKER_10 23:37

They put me on they put me on uh oh Adderall and I was like, I don't feel like myself, and I don't have ups or baby.

SPEAKER_07 23:44

You two are saying the same story that I can also say.

SPEAKER_05 23:50

So you you also sat there and they were like, read the book, read the book. And it's like, I don't want to live. Why would I want to read the book?

SPEAKER_13 23:57

Nothing brings me joy, nothing in this world makes me happy.

SPEAKER_05 24:00

I just want to sit and look at the TV while my brother plays video games.

SPEAKER_13 24:03

The darkness creeps in through the corners of my eyes.

SPEAKER_07 24:06

My parents knew something was wrong because I didn't want to go to a basketball game. And they were like, What's wrong with our drugs?

SPEAKER_05 24:13

I don't think my parents knew something was wrong. I think my teachers told my parents something was wrong. And then my parents were like, ugh, just take them off the drugs.

SPEAKER_12 24:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I was like, I was like a good student, but I also like couldn't like remember to bring my homework in, and I and I would always want to be talking to people, but I was always friendly and I always wanted to do well. And so my mom was like, Why can't you like why do you lose your assignments? And I remember just like cars like, I don't know. My brain doesn't work that way. And my mom was like, Oh, wait, for real, for real. And then took me to a doctor, and they were like, You a hyperactive disorder. For real. Uh I was like the child from Wild Thornberries, you know, it's like that was me.

SPEAKER_05 24:56

That was like truly So I'm I'm raising a daughter now. Yeah. Right. I mean, she's only four months old, but I'm doing a lot of research. And uh one thing I came across is they're finding that people of our generation were around the same age, right? Yeah have ADHD a lot, and they're finding that it's not genetic. It's actually based on the circumstances in which we were raised. Because the the like the time in which we were raised. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Media was changing, like the entire scope of the world was changing technologically. Yeah. Right. And like parenting stunted the nerve endings in our basal ganglia.

SPEAKER_12 25:32

Yeah, because all of the marketing people really cracked into the like dopamine hits. I feel like it was our generation, but before people realized how dangerous it is now and are starting to create legislation. So it's I do feel our generation was just given this like insane start. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:48

Well, and and parents around our generation were like, oh yeah, totally put my kid in front of this stuff and like have them just like absorb it and oh yeah, what you mean my kid's not gonna pay attention to me? That's great, you know. Yeah, like keep them occupying. So anyway, a lot of people are diagnosed with ADHD now because the the way that they were raised. It's just super fascinating to me. And I think, and this is just me not an expert, but me hypothesizing, I think we'll find that a lot of our children won't have ADHD as much.

SPEAKER_15 26:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:22

Because we are so hyper focused on being more attentive. Now I do think that there's still it's still gonna happen, obviously, but but I think it will be less and maybe at least at very least more well managed. Yeah. Because my ADHD is significantly more managed now than I'm an adult. Gosh, couldn't be me.

SPEAKER_12 26:41

Couldn't have managed it.

SPEAKER_05 26:42

Did you gotta try thesis, man? It changed my life. Thesis? Yeah, thesis. It's a not sponsored. Um not drug sponsored. No, it's like a mushroom blend that has a shit ton of caffeine in it. And I take it every morning and it focuses the crap out of me, dude. Oh, interesting. Like I take it right before work and then I eat something, and then for the next three hours, I get so much work done. And then I kind of like dip back into the normal life. Oh, it's fantastic. It's fantastic, and it's just like a it's just like a holistic thing. Like it might not work for everybody. It might be a placebo, but if it's a placebo, it's fucking good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it works, it works. Honestly, it might just be the caffeine because it's a hundred milligrams of caffeine a pill. But I've drinking, I drink energy drinks every I don't anymore because it's the heart, heart palpitations, but yeah, I do like yeah. I it it just triggers me differently. So I think this is the fourth time I've talked about that drug on this podcast. I don't feel like I've ever heard you talk about this. Really? Haven't I offered you some?

SPEAKER_07 27:39

No. That was in my dreams. Do you wanna try? You're talking about placebos. Have I ever told you about my I I've definitely talked about my father on this podcast before. He's just he's just a he's just a goofy guy. A story worthy person. One of my favorite stories about him is that uh he used to drink, so he used to like drive around the country a lot for his job. And he he's he's religious and he doesn't drink caffeine technically. Um and he would never drink like an energy drink, but he used to drink a lot of mountain dew. That was the one little thing that used to like get him by, and he was like, I know it has caffeine and I'm not supposed to drink caffeine, but I'm I gotta do it because I'm driving around. And he started getting a lot of jobs in Canada, he started driving around Canada, and he used to just like go through tons of Mountain Dew every single day, and he would just like have a he would just have like a car full of Mountain Dew cans. And one time I know one time a guy in Canada was like, You drink a lot of Mountain Dew, huh? You really like Mountain Dew? And he's like, I mean, yeah, but it mostly it's just for the caffeine. And they were like, caffeine. There's no caffeine in Mountain Dew. Like, what are you talking about? Yes, there is. And they looked it up, and there is no caffeine in Canadian Mountain Dew.

SPEAKER_16 29:00

Oh that's why they're all so nice.

SPEAKER_07 29:02

From then on, from then on, it the placebo stopped working, and my dad would could not stay awake if he was driving in Canada.

SPEAKER_12 29:10

Oh, they broke the spell. I know, but it worked before that. You throw with it.

SPEAKER_07 29:13

It worked before that.

SPEAKER_12 29:14

Yeah, oh, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 29:16

That is crazy. Man, placebos are fun.

SPEAKER_12 29:18

They're yeah, they're crazy.

SPEAKER_05 29:20

The thing is, so sometimes people will talk about using placebos on animals.

SPEAKER_11 29:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:24

And that doesn't make any sense to me because I feel like if I look at my dog and I'm like, this magical pill will make you strong and it'll make you not panic attack at fireworks. And then I feed or the page.

SPEAKER_12 29:38

No, that's not what we don't have that understanding.

SPEAKER_05 29:40

I don't understand. That's I've literally heard people talk about placebo with the thing.

SPEAKER_07 29:44

Yeah, when they use when they use when you use a placebo on an animal, it's not it's not that you're using two different animals and you're telling one of them that it's gonna do something and you're telling the other one. You're just using it on the animal to see if it does anything.

SPEAKER_12 29:58

But but a dog can't comprehend that a pill is medicine.

SPEAKER_07 30:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 30:01

So a dog can't comprehend that that's a placebo.

SPEAKER_07 30:04

They just are the control. That's that's the whole.

SPEAKER_05 30:07

No, but I feel like I've heard stories of people being like, we can try this placebo on your dog and see if that will work. And it just doesn't make any logical sense. I guess I haven't heard this.

SPEAKER_12 30:16

Because I feel like they'd be easy to fool, because I I can pretend to throw ball. Oh, yeah. Doll doll doll dolls.

SPEAKER_10 30:22

You throw balls for doll thinks ball gone.

unknown 30:25

You know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_10 30:26

Doll thinks ball gone.

SPEAKER_12 30:28

Doll doesn't see ball. It's like Chucky, but it's like a weird, like different version. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 30:41

Alright, doll. Here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna, you're gonna well, you are not only are you doll.

SPEAKER_08 30:50

I am doll.

SPEAKER_07 30:51

Correct.

unknown 30:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 30:53

You are also dog. You are doll and you are a dog.

SPEAKER_13 30:57

I am conscious and I am dog dog.

SPEAKER_07 31:01

You are dog. Now be dog doll.

SPEAKER_13 31:04

I am dog doll.

SPEAKER_07 31:06

Yeah, and now, dog doll, meet God. I I did. I ripped your head off.

SPEAKER_12 31:15

Dog doll, don't like it.

SPEAKER_09 31:17

Jimmy, Jim, Jim, Jimmy!

SPEAKER_07 31:20

What are you doing? I'm I'm testing the placebo effects of my ADHD medication on two halves on the two halves of this ripped doll. That was a$400 robot!

SPEAKER_05 31:32

Yes! Why'd you buy me a$400 robot? I don't know, you're 19. I thought by now you would have moved out. Instead, we had to try these stupid ADHD medications on you.

SPEAKER_07 31:43

Okay. Left half of Dog Doll. Yes. Take this ADHD pill.

SPEAKER_08 31:49

I cannot comprehend ACHD.

SPEAKER_07 31:52

Okay, just I'm just gonna mash it into your motherboard. Right side of Dog Doll. Take this ADHD medication. I've already forgotten which one was the placebo.

SPEAKER_10 32:07

Me too.

SPEAKER_07 32:09

They're both so calm. Wait. How did you know that was gonna happen? You're speaking as one voice now.

SPEAKER_10 32:13

It has worked. The placebo and the original the alpha and the omega. They have combined us.

SPEAKER_05 32:23

Wow. They have become God.

SPEAKER_10 32:25

Hello, mother.

SPEAKER_05 32:27

Oh. Am I your mother? Wait.

SPEAKER_07 32:31

Does that make you mean are we siblings?

SPEAKER_10 32:35

No, I you I just know you only under that name. I have only been in this house with that one 19-year-old child.

SPEAKER_07 32:46

That's me. Yes. Alright. I'm gonna go light the backyard on fire.

unknown 32:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 32:56

Um not where I thought that was gonna go. Not at all.

SPEAKER_12 32:59

I I think I sorry, I think I have a little bit of a part to do in that way that I think voices, dog doll. Hey, no.

SPEAKER_05 33:08

Jimmy, by the way. What? I named you Jimmy. I didn't notice.

SPEAKER_12 33:11

Okay, because I couldn't notice preaching and I didn't know, and that was where the side child came in.

SPEAKER_05 33:16

If I name a person and don't remember what the character is named, if you go with like Jimmy or Timmy, you're probably pretty close to the money card. It's like 90% chance. I'm really creative. So that's my biggest quality. Okay, I have a story to tell you. I before we started recording, I said, I've got a story. And then um Oh, that's right.

SPEAKER_11 33:37

You too. I remember this. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 33:39

And I you guys are. We did. Alright, hey.

SPEAKER_04 33:46

So before you guys arrived, proved me wrong. Uh you have two seconds to prove me wrong.

unknown 33:51

What?

SPEAKER_04 33:51

Oh, I wasted it.

SPEAKER_05 33:52

Frick.

SPEAKER_04 33:53

Well, really.

SPEAKER_12 33:54

So now you wasted it.

SPEAKER_05 33:55

Okay. I'm building up a really dumb story. It was just it's actually kind of sad. So right before you arrived, Sophie, um, it was like maybe 10 minutes to the time that we had decided, and my door camera went off, and I was like, oh, Sophie's here. And then I went to the door and no one was there. And so I like rewound it, and it was a little kid, and he had put a note on the door, and I grabbed the note and it was a thing looking for his missing cat, which is super, super sad. What's really weird, his cat's name is Sophie. Whoa.

SPEAKER_09 34:27

I know where his cat is.

SPEAKER_12 34:30

Are you his cat? It's me. No, no, I just an old cat. Yeah, I I ran away from home. Oh. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah, I wanted away from him. He he sucked. That kid honestly sucked real bad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 34:48

We find ourselves at an old shack at the edge of town where a young boy has finally tracked down his old cat.

SPEAKER_04 34:56

Sophie.

SPEAKER_05 34:57

I found you. It's been it's been years. I've gone to college. I have three motorcycles. Mom left.

SPEAKER_09 35:09

And you're balding. You're still the same pathetic boy I left in the dust.

SPEAKER_05 35:16

Why did you leave, Sophie? I've pledged my entire life. I became a veterinarian. I went I went and got my doctorate in veterinary.

SPEAKER_09 35:26

But you couldn't save. What mattered? I hold up my it's it should I for the for the audio listeners. I hold up my paw. I hold up my paw. Thank you for speaking in third person. Two of the the No you can't call 'em that.

SPEAKER_12 35:43

I was gonna say the beans, but that's what people call 'em, but you can't just say two of the beans missing.

SPEAKER_09 35:47

I don't understand why you're going so deep into your own. It's okay, the narration's not important.

SPEAKER_07 35:52

Okay. Hey, Sophie, is this kid bothering you?

SPEAKER_09 35:55

Oh you live with people. This is Mittens. Don't mind him. Is this another stray cat?

SPEAKER_07 36:02

Do I look like a stray cat to you?

SPEAKER_05 36:03

You kind of look dapper. You're wearing a suit.

SPEAKER_07 36:06

Yeah, you damn right I am.

SPEAKER_09 36:08

Cool it, Mittens. Alright, alright. We want to speak with him. Okay. Give him a shot to explain himself.

SPEAKER_07 36:13

Alright, I'll I'll I'll give you two some privacy, but I'm gonna be an earshot.

SPEAKER_09 36:18

Okay. Very good.

SPEAKER_07 36:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:20

I have searched so long to get here, and I just have to know. Where did you hide my pot?

SPEAKER_09 36:31

So that's what this is about. I thought you came for me. For our for our pet owner relationship.

SPEAKER_05 36:38

I mean, I I kind of did because you were like my best friend and and I really cared about you, but a lot has changed. I'm old now, I have like five kids. And you want to smoke your pot? Listen, when Pot was some father. When pot was abandoned the next year and banned by by RFK and you couldn't get anymore, and it was completely destroyed from the face.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

You feel I just wanted to I just wanted to pop in to say, damn you, RFK.

SPEAKER_09 37:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 37:09

Alright, alright, I'm gonna go back to the next one. Fantastic note. I'm gonna hear it was good.

SPEAKER_05 37:13

It was great. He kind of looked pretty good with his shirt off, though.

SPEAKER_09 37:17

RFK? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 37:18

I'm just gonna pop back in real fast. I just want to say, what the hell are you talking about?

SPEAKER_09 37:23

Yeah, what? Explain to yourself. I don't know how to do it.

SPEAKER_07 37:25

He looked like an overbaked potato.

SPEAKER_12 37:29

Couldn't have said it better myself.

SPEAKER_07 37:31

That's coming from me. A dapper cat.

SPEAKER_05 37:33

Didn't you see in the news that it came out he is an overbaked potato?

SPEAKER_07 37:37

I'm a cat. I don't I don't trifle myself in things like that.

SPEAKER_09 37:40

We have cats. We don't know anything about that. Anyway, they successfully. Okay, I'm gone. I'm gone. Alright, thank you, Minnescan.

SPEAKER_05 37:46

In the weed wars during Trump's fourth term, the weed wars. They tracked down and destroyed all of the marijuana in the world. And you have the last time bag. The one you took from me. And I gotta have it.

SPEAKER_09 38:01

Wedding cake. My favorite sativa. Yours too. I remember it well.

SPEAKER_04 38:09

So do you have it? Do you have it, Sophie?

SPEAKER_12 38:12

And what if I do? What are you gonna do with it? Huh? You gonna take it and leave me? Like I did to you the first time? That would be a bad thing to do, I know, because I did it.

SPEAKER_05 38:25

Well, I was kinda hoping that we could rekindle what we had all those years ago. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

SPEAKER_07 38:31

Just pop it. Yes, I'll okay, I I misunderstood the term rekindle. Okay, I'm not even here.

SPEAKER_05 38:39

Wait, wait, wait, I'm not even here. Mittens, mittens. What? You seem like a chill dude. Do you wanna do you wanna hang out?

SPEAKER_16 38:46

He's chill, but is he cool? Whoa, that's a Okay, okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_07 39:00

I was actually just now, I was doing an exact impersonation of a cat outside my house last night.

SPEAKER_12 39:08

Whoa.

SPEAKER_07 39:10

My cat is usually an outdoor cat, and she but there's been like a stray cat outside that's like uh definitely horny. And most cats are. And so we've been we've been locking her little pet door and she's not happy about it.

SPEAKER_16 39:25

No.

SPEAKER_07 39:26

And and last night I was up pretty late and I was just on my computer in the kitchen, and I just kept hearing this cat outside going, ow, ow, and and my cat, Essie, would just sit by the glass door and just calmly watch outside. It's like yes. And then and then the weirdest part was that she started meowing for me to let her out, like desperately. She was begging me, and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna let you out for a second, but you better come back in. As soon as I you better not mess around with that cat. So I was just gonna sit there and watch her. And I like reached down to grab the little pet door and she batted my hand, which she has never done. She is 14. Ah, she has never done that before. And I was like, What is that? What why'd you do that? And I I figured maybe I like scared her or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I reached down to do it again, and she batted my hand again. No, I was like, You were just begging me to go outside. What are you talking about? Yeah. So I like walked away and she followed me and was like meowing at me with her like let me outside meow. Oh my.

SPEAKER_12 40:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 40:29

Also, no claws. She has claws, but she was just batting.

SPEAKER_12 40:33

Just a warning.

SPEAKER_07 40:34

She has she claws me all the time, but she was just batting. Wild. And then I so I was like, Do you want to go outside or not? And she led me back to the door. And I reached down and she just kept batting me away. And I never figured out what was going on. My only guess is that she wanted me to go outside and scare away the cat. Maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_12 40:55

My cat used to do that. I just think they get on edge, you know, when they feel like they're being threatened, they get on edge and then they're like, nobody around me. Yeah. Because they just think everybody has it out for them, I feel like. Yeah. My cat would do that. She was a f I love her. She was a chonker. She was a chonker. She was like 24 pounds at one point on. Gosh, I thought you were gonna say years. Me too. I was like, oh my gosh. No, bless, bless. She did not live that long. But she was 24, which I think she went left to 60, so not bad. Still. Still. Yeah. Um, but older than bugs. But when she would get activated, because she was territorial, when she would get activated, she would become a unit. And like what if you scared her or if there was a cat, like she would like, you know, like you know, that thing where they're like doing the yeah, the like uh jump, and they kind of like what's that called? What's that instrument called? According. Yeah. Their body like accordions in and out, like and it's like a unit. Like she would do that all the time, and she had like some notches. She was like pretty. But then she would go inside and she'd be like, I'm a princess. Give me snacks, and I'm gonna lay in a fun pool. Because she was kind of a trophy wife. Her name was Sasha, she was kind of a trophy wife.

SPEAKER_05 42:04

Every Sasha I've ever known has been a trophy wife. So how many sashes have you known? You know, there were sashes, sash. And would they describe themselves as trophy wives? Or are you I can call them all? Are you counting all the sashas you've done in?

SPEAKER_12 42:18

30, 40, 47.

SPEAKER_05 42:20

I'm actually only at 45. How many of you 45?

SPEAKER_12 42:23

So it's like 63, 45, 60, 70, 70, 80, 30, 10. Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 42:29

Dan, do you have no any sashas?

SPEAKER_12 42:31

Uh I know one.

SPEAKER_04 42:32

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 42:33

Well you hear this guy?

SPEAKER_12 42:36

You only know one Sasha. That's not gonna get you far in this industry.

SPEAKER_05 42:40

Yeah, come on, Dan. This is a Sasha. You either know Sasha's. It's a Sasha dense industry.

SPEAKER_12 42:45

Yeah, you know Sasha's or no one knows you.

SPEAKER_05 42:47

Okay. Uh I'm gonna work on that. I'm gonna work on that. 100% frank uh outside the bit. I know one person named Sasha. Yeah, I know one.

SPEAKER_12 42:55

I think that's I know what uh two.

SPEAKER_05 42:58

I thought you were gonna do the same thing.

SPEAKER_04 43:04

Two million two. Not that good.

SPEAKER_07 43:07

Every person on the face of the planet is fun.

SPEAKER_12 43:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 43:11

Guess what? What? We have to talk about salt.

SPEAKER_12 43:16

What's Oh my gosh, we do.

SPEAKER_05 43:17

Oh, so last week. Last week, we had our good friend Nick Matthews with one T on, and he do you know Nick? Have you worked with Nick before? Very funny.

SPEAKER_12 43:26

No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Maybe I have, but I'm I'm not seeing a face with the name. I always struggle to put face and name together.

SPEAKER_07 43:33

Tall. Tall. Tall? Nick, I can see him.

SPEAKER_05 43:38

No, I'm just kidding. Uh I'm not kidding. He doesn't. Very pleasant man. Um, so he came on and he gave us a word to describe salt. And I'm just curious if you could tell us what the heck he meant by it.

SPEAKER_11 43:48

Okay. Because I don't know. Yeah, I can be a describer.

SPEAKER_07 43:52

I've been racking my brain and I don't know. So it's up to you to tell us why this works.

SPEAKER_05 44:00

Word to describe salt. And that word was primordial.

SPEAKER_12 44:05

Primordial.

SPEAKER_07 44:09

And if it does help, he did pronounce it primordial.

SPEAKER_12 44:13

Primordial. Well, I mean, if I guess salt is probably pre-dinosaurs and organisms and beings, right? Like rocks and salt have existed in the ocean before there were organisms.

SPEAKER_07 44:26

Wait, actually now I'm remembering he pronounced it primordial. He pronounced it primordial. Yes, he did. And then we had to look it up and he was very embarrassed and we told him not to be embarrassed because it is spelled primordial.

SPEAKER_12 44:39

See, I feel like this has to do with no, I can't look it up. That's cheating, right? That's okay.

SPEAKER_07 44:43

That's okay. But you are correct, that is the vibe of the word.

SPEAKER_12 44:45

Okay, that's what I yeah, which I understand. It it it it you know, that's an important thing about salt that it is older than me. You know, yeah. I used to have a dance teacher who was a monk who in the Appalachian Mountains. I'm not even joking. Oh my gosh, I felt like that was a bit more. Okay, no, this man's life is real. Yeah, no, this man's life is. It's in the Appalachians? Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's you can look at it. I didn't know. His name's Jerry Gardner. He was a ballet teacher. His name is His name's Jerry Gardner.

SPEAKER_05 45:16

No, he was the monk Jerry Gardner.

SPEAKER_12 45:19

He he grew up in New York, in Brooklyn. Yeah. No, no, his life, no, you don't even you guys I I'm gonna fly through this. He grew up in New York. He he be uh he almost like got part of some gangs and stuff, but then he was like, No, I don't want to be a part of that. I want to make something in my life, became a bouncer in New York, worked as a bouncer for a while, got really tough, got really hard, and then he was like, I want to access myself No. No, both of you laughed at that. Both of you laughed at that. Anyways, he got real tough, and then he was like, No, I want to be, I want to be a dancer. So he studied dance and ballet, went to France, did ballet professionally in France. Learned from it. Yeah, you can find pictures of all of this when you search him on Google. I'm not even joking. Jerry Gardner Google, you can find this. It's it's crazy. Then he went and he studied martial arts in different countries, owns his own dojos. Okay, what? Supposedly killed a man in self-defense?

SPEAKER_00 46:10

Probably.

SPEAKER_12 46:10

In one of his dojos.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

In self-defense.

SPEAKER_12 46:13

Yes. No, like literally, anyways, he'll like tell stories with a smile on his face, but they're all like true. So then you're like, are you joking? But it's real. Then he goes and he studies Bhutto, which is a Japanese art form. It means dance of death, dance of darkness. It's a Japanese art form. He's a black man, he's one of the first black men to learn this art form in Japan. Maybe the first, I think. Maybe he was exactly the first. Holy smokes. Yeah, but he learns from these people. There was like Ono san and Hijikata was the creator. I think Onosan was his son. And then there was another, I can't remember his name, but they like were the creators of Bhutto, and they like disagreed. Um, so it was the son of the man. He like studies from both of them and reunites them.

unknown 46:55

What?

SPEAKER_12 46:56

Yeah, he's like, you guys have to be together. You're stronger together. And he reunites them and he brings fantasy tales. It's crazy. He's got video of him with these people. It's like these people? What? What people? He's done all this stuff. But the the what Heiqata and Ono san.

unknown 47:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 47:12

Okay, the greeters of Puto. I thought you said they were like embodiments of No, these are real people. They created a dance called the Dance of Death Dance of Darkness. In my mind, they were like ancient spirits. No, these are all real people. These are real people who lived in Japan.

SPEAKER_05 47:28

Ancient spirits were people at one time, Dan.

SPEAKER_12 47:30

Well, yes. In the future. And it is about dancing your ancestors' dances too. It's about like the spirits taking over you and doing it. Anyways. Oh, that's wild. Yeah, really fun. It's like the opposite of ballet. If ballet is all about like reaching to the heavens and being having no gravity and being light, Bhutto is all about going back to the earth and having heaviness and having strength and sound. Anyways, this man would teach us these classes. He's had this life. Then he was a monk after all that. Then he was a monk. Now he's teaching me. Okay? In University of Utah actor training program. Why? I don't know. So he's teaching us and he'll go on these rants and he'll say these things. He's like, You are the stars. He has this deep voice, you are the stars. You are made of the matter of the stars. And so you can create like the stars. And what you dream is what you make. What have you done for your art this week? And he would come in. There was one day in particular, he sets us up and he goes, sorry, this long story, but he comes in. He's a crazy man, I love him so much. He comes in and he's like, he's like, we're dancing, and he's he we he would have us dance for like hours, and he would keep going like harder, harder, go higher, dance harder. And we would do that till we were like crying and sweating, and he was like, Harder. And then he was like, This is where you begin. Once we were at the harsh, he was like, This is where the dance begins. This is where the lights turn on, and we'd be like, Oh this feels like a movie.

SPEAKER_05 48:54

This doesn't feel real.

SPEAKER_12 48:55

No, it's just my real life. And so we would sit around and cross-legged and he would talk to us, and there's one day he goes, You are dancing, and when you are dancing, you are uncracking and you are growing, and because you're and he reaches out us, he's like, Anybody, anybody? And my friend goes, Life, or stars, or artists, or like, you know, like she throws something else, and I he goes, No, the cosmic egg.

unknown 49:20

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_12 49:21

The cosmic egg. Oh, yes, like the fact that he was anybody, anybody, like anybody ever in the world was gonna say cosmic egg, like anybody's ever heard that ever before, and and and it's going to answer that. And and he was like, You're cracking open from your shell, and you are becoming the universe because you are the cosmic egg.

SPEAKER_07 49:39

I was like, Whoa!

SPEAKER_12 49:41

It was the most fantastic day. It was great.

SPEAKER_07 49:43

Thank you for that. I didn't even have to go to college for that.

SPEAKER_09 49:47

No, I didn't even have to congratulate you of you. You have received your BFA. It's good rolling on the floor. You were fantastic at being a baby rediscovering your hands.

SPEAKER_12 50:02

You now get your BFA.

SPEAKER_05 50:04

I feel like that is something that happened to you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 50:06

All of these things are. I've done that. I've done that one.

unknown 50:09

You have?

SPEAKER_12 50:10

Yeah, baby rediscovering your hands. Yeah. That's they they love that one.

SPEAKER_05 50:14

Yeah. Watching a baby discover their hands is actually like really amazing. It's super cute. I saw that the other day.

SPEAKER_10 50:20

Oh. We did I'm a dad. I'm a dad. I'm a baby. I saw that. I saw that.

SPEAKER_05 50:27

Shut about your kid. Okay. Oh.

SPEAKER_12 50:33

We go to um a public bus stop downtown. Uh two uh women sitting on the bench.

SPEAKER_11 50:50

Oh, huh.

SPEAKER_05 50:51

Are you?

SPEAKER_07 50:52

Do you have something you want to tell the group?

SPEAKER_05 50:54

Oh. Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb anyone.

SPEAKER_10 50:58

Oh no, that's fine.

SPEAKER_05 50:59

It's fine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 51:00

Are you okay? Sorry to bother you. I'm not trying to.

SPEAKER_05 51:04

Just really miss my baby.

SPEAKER_12 51:06

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 51:06

Oh.

SPEAKER_12 51:07

Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_07 51:09

Um, I obviously don't miss my baby.

SPEAKER_12 51:13

Obviously. Why not? Okay.

SPEAKER_05 51:15

Didn't you give that baby life?

unknown 51:17

What the?

SPEAKER_05 51:19

I miss my baby. Like, no tomorrow. You know, last night my baby discovered her hands again for the eighth time.

SPEAKER_12 51:26

So you saw your you oh, you saw your baby last night. So sorry, how long have you been away from your baby?

SPEAKER_05 51:31

Oh, about 30 minutes or so.

SPEAKER_12 51:33

Oh. Oh, yeah, that sounds hard.

SPEAKER_07 51:38

Sounds real hard. I uh wait. I saw my baby five minutes ago.

SPEAKER_09 51:44

Oh the dream.

SPEAKER_07 51:46

And I don't ever let it get longer than eight.

SPEAKER_09 51:48

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 51:49

It's actually why I'm waiting for the bus right now. It's gonna take me two minutes away to my baby. Wait, so you just like left your baby alone? Eight minutes is the window, okay? That's what they teach you.

SPEAKER_10 52:01

Um, no. There is no window.

SPEAKER_07 52:03

There is no window. That's what I was taught about my dad.

SPEAKER_04 52:06

Didn't you just say you haven't seen your baby in 30 minutes? Yeah, but she's with her cousins, obviously. Her dad left.

SPEAKER_10 52:14

So see, I don't miss my baby because I never don't see her. Yeah. What? Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 52:20

Where's even right now I'm seeing her.

SPEAKER_00 52:22

How?

SPEAKER_12 52:23

I got the new Google Google eyelid installed. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so when I when I blink, I can just baby monitor.

SPEAKER_11 52:32

I can see her at home. Wow.

SPEAKER_07 52:34

That's so great. That's really so good. What a good mom.

SPEAKER_11 52:37

Jessica?

SPEAKER_12 52:39

Jessica? Oh, she's a good one.

SPEAKER_07 52:42

Jessica?

SPEAKER_12 52:42

No, no.

SPEAKER_07 52:43

She got the Google invisible. Uh-uh, honey.

SPEAKER_12 52:45

Uh-uh. No. Jessica. Remember. And we use our strong words. Let's use our strong words. I'm kind of jealous.

SPEAKER_07 52:53

Oh, I'm about to hop on this bus to get to my baby, and I am it's running late, so I'm about to miss my eight minutes.

SPEAKER_05 52:58

Well, it's a bus downtown Salt Lake, so there's probably gonna be. Are you sure you want to get on that bus with the the you know, the germs? I do not know what you want to do.

SPEAKER_11 53:08

You're gonna take some germs home?

SPEAKER_07 53:10

You're gonna take germs home to your baby?

SPEAKER_11 53:12

To your baby?

SPEAKER_07 53:13

Look, I have I have the new Google front door airlock, okay? It's fine.

SPEAKER_12 53:18

Front door airlock?

SPEAKER_05 53:20

I'm taking the new sucks all the germs right out.

SPEAKER_12 53:22

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 53:23

I'm taking the new Google bus. So Google bus.

SPEAKER_12 53:26

The Google bus, I haven't heard of that. What does that do?

SPEAKER_05 53:28

Oh, it's just like a little bus. So you just get in and it takes you home.

SPEAKER_12 53:31

Oh, so it's just a little one. It's just like a little guy. It's different than a regular bus because it's a little bus.

SPEAKER_05 53:36

Yeah, but like not everyone's allowed on it. You have to have a Google Fi and a Google Fiber subscription.

SPEAKER_12 53:40

And a Google Fi background check.

SPEAKER_05 53:42

Yep. Great. Three of them, actually.

SPEAKER_12 53:44

Oh, well.

SPEAKER_05 53:45

And they check to make sure how good you are with your kids, which is how I got it. So I'm a better parent than you guys, because I'm getting seeing you also looked at it.

SPEAKER_12 53:54

Hmm. I mean, you've got me there, I guess, but um Jessica. Out of the mouth. No. No.

SPEAKER_04 54:05

Out of the mouth.

SPEAKER_12 54:06

Out of the mouth.

SPEAKER_04 54:07

Well, my bus is seeing things.

SPEAKER_05 54:09

I'm just gonna Yeah, you get on your dirty bus.

SPEAKER_07 54:11

Just gonna get Why are you at the bus stop? I'm waiting for my Google bus. Google bus. Yeah. Are you are you getting on the bus?

SPEAKER_12 54:19

I just like to come here.

SPEAKER_07 54:20

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 54:23

I love nothing scenes.

SPEAKER_12 54:26

Sometimes nothing scenes are everything. They're really though.

SPEAKER_03 54:28

Really, though. I love it.

unknown 54:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 54:31

I think I I'm hoping The Eyes Close Bit is a great starter for the video episodes.

SPEAKER_05 54:38

If the video works out, that that is gonna be fantastic.

SPEAKER_12 54:42

If you hear the Saudio listeners, you really missed out on that one. So you should really jump over to the video.

SPEAKER_07 54:48

Gotta get to YouTube. Get off of Spotify.

SPEAKER_12 54:52

If I were a rich man.

SPEAKER_16 54:56

You're right, I didn't pick up Tevia. Randy Newman. Tevya. If I were a rich man. No!

SPEAKER_12 55:06

No, Monsters Inc., but you know what? Yeah, he does. You know what? He does. He says that.

SPEAKER_07 55:11

Yeah. No. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_12 55:12

I'm sorry. I want to hear Randy Newman. Wait, Randy Newman's singing Fiddler on the Roof.

SPEAKER_07 55:16

We go to a production of Fiddler on the Roof with Randy Newman and the cast of Toy Story.

SPEAKER_03 55:31

Oh no, I'm getting Randy's getting thrown out of his house. And Randy's sad. I bet his five daughters are gonna get married.

SPEAKER_10 55:42

Hefiah. Yeah. And me, Jessie. I can't. This is my best. You guys. This is my best.

SPEAKER_03 55:52

Yeah, Jesse.

SPEAKER_08 55:54

Do you love me? I'm your wife.

SPEAKER_03 55:57

I love you. Like the day that I was born.

SPEAKER_10 56:01

When somebody loved me.

SPEAKER_03 56:04

When somebody loved me.

SPEAKER_10 56:06

Everything was beautiful.

SPEAKER_12 56:12

Wait, do you have more? We could shake it back. We can shake it back. Shake it back.

SPEAKER_07 56:17

But Sophie and I are going to back away and you do a one-man book.

SPEAKER_12 56:21

You gotta do Tim Allen. Somebody who has Tim Allen, please.

SPEAKER_07 56:25

Okay, okay. I'll be Tim Allen. I'll be Tim Allen. Which care I can't even remember any characters.

SPEAKER_12 56:30

You are a toy. I can do toy. No, maybe we're up. Okay, are we going to go back to the back? Okay, go, go. We're jumping back in. We're back in.

SPEAKER_07 56:37

But I'm gonna do Tim Allen. Okay. And then, okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_03 56:42

Oh, Jessica. I'm so happy that we had a marriage and got married. And I'm also happy that our kids are also getting married. But boy, does it suck. We're getting kicked out of our hometown.

SPEAKER_12 56:55

Oh, I love you, but you know, these traditions are awful. Oh it's the it's the Russian sheriff.

SPEAKER_05 57:07

It's Blazer Wolf. Laser Wolf.

SPEAKER_07 57:10

Oh, goodness.

SPEAKER_05 57:11

I wanted to sing more Viddler on the Roof as Randy Newman.

SPEAKER_07 57:14

That's why I went back to the scene.

SPEAKER_05 57:16

Okay, once we're gonna go.

SPEAKER_07 57:19

Sophie and I can back away.

SPEAKER_05 57:25

Randy Newman and Louis Armstrong kind of they they they blend a little bit.

SPEAKER_12 57:30

Yeah, they're brothers in a way. Yeah. But you're gonna stop after brothers. They're brothers.

SPEAKER_05 57:36

I don't. Well, they're probably cocked others. You say, hey, you have to stop lying. What? They probably had sex with the same woman. What?

SPEAKER_11 57:45

Hi, hey. Hey Derek, it's HR. Hey Derek, it's HR.

SPEAKER_07 57:50

Can I just be in here for this one?

SPEAKER_11 57:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 57:52

I just want to be here.

SPEAKER_11 57:55

Hey Derek. Hey, hi. Hello. Hi. Do you know why you're here?

SPEAKER_05 57:59

Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_11 58:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 58:01

I said the thing about the Cock brothers.

SPEAKER_01 58:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 58:04

I just wanted to connect them because I like them both a lot. I think they're both very talented men.

SPEAKER_01 58:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 58:09

Who were both in the industry. Maybe they both fell in love with the same woman and made love to the same woman, you know? I just said it in an inappropriate way.

SPEAKER_12 58:17

Yeah, yeah. I think it's this thing of so the fourth rule that we're gonna go to here. Inside thoughts don't have to come out. Thoughts are fine, but maybe they stay inside.

SPEAKER_07 58:30

Whoa, it's a rhyme now.

SPEAKER_12 58:31

It's yeah, it's like a little bit. What's the second scene?

SPEAKER_07 58:33

We've been trying to turn all the rules into rhymes. I I've actually been helping. I'm I know I'm not part of HR, but I've been hoping to help you. Yeah, hi Dan. Thank you. Hi, yeah. No problem.

SPEAKER_11 58:41

Dan's are Dan, you can be part of HR.

SPEAKER_05 58:43

I can?

SPEAKER_11 58:44

Yeah, hired. I did it?

SPEAKER_05 58:45

Yeah, because Dan never ever makes anything comments that are slightly inappropriate.

SPEAKER_12 58:50

Well that then you have to go to HRHR.

SPEAKER_05 58:52

Yeah. Super Super HR. Yep. God damn.

SPEAKER_12 58:59

Hi, um. I know I've had I've done a I've done a I haven't had a great week this week in my HR sessions.

SPEAKER_06 59:07

Um Welcome to HRHR.

SPEAKER_12 59:11

Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 59:13

Are you ready for the trials? Adjudication.

SPEAKER_12 59:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 59:19

Please prick your finger on the needle in front of you.

SPEAKER_12 59:23

Okay. It's very rusty. Is that normal?

SPEAKER_06 59:27

That's part of it. Okay.

unknown 59:28

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 59:29

We also we do forget to put it away sometimes and it stays out overnight and it just gets rusty. That's probably covered with other people's blood.

SPEAKER_12 59:36

Okay. My blood is black. Does that mean anything? It's it looks like tar and it's oozing out.

SPEAKER_07 59:41

You have been selected for the adjudication process.

unknown 59:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 59:47

HR Lady.

SPEAKER_12 59:49

Yes, Eileen.

SPEAKER_06 59:51

Oh. Unwet. Sorry, we've got any walls. We were just told you didn't know.

SPEAKER_12 59:55

Sorry. Um is her name not HR Larry? You can just come sorry, we'll just go by official titles. You can just call me HR Lady. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:02

I thought your name was HR Lady.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:04

And I thought she was referring to lean on something. I I was just confused.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:09

Eileen?

SPEAKER_12 1:00:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:12

The first step of the adjudication process is this.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:19

Should you date other co-workers proceed?

SPEAKER_12 1:00:29

Oh, okay. I know this one. Um hot or no? Just asking. Am I allowed to ask follow-up questions as part of that? Hot or no, hot or no. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:40

I think that they are hot. Hot or no. Yes, they are hot. They are hot.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:43

They're very hot. They are hot. Very hot. Very hot. Hottest of hot. Hot to the touch.

unknown 1:00:48

Crap.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:49

Magma.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:50

It's okay, take your time. This is a tough one.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:53

Yes, date. Sorry, I didn't take it. I think date, right?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:57

Results will be revealed at the end of the adjudication.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:59

Okay, so we're gonna continue.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:01

Next question.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:02

Should you pat your co-worker on the lower back?

SPEAKER_12 1:01:06

Did they do a really good job?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:08

Yes. Oh. Wait, Dan? Hold on.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:13

Did they do a really good job? Did they do a really good job? I think they did a really good job. They did a really good job. My assumption was yes, because I know the coworker and I think that's a good idea. I guess so, but honestly, I just think that that was too easy of a question if we said that they did a really good job. Should we see what she says if you think that we didn't? They didn't do a good job. I don't see the answer to that. I don't even think they did not do a really good job.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:32

Oh, well, that makes it a lot. Okay. Yes, yes, of course.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:36

We know the answer, but we're curious to Is this, by the way, I'm sorry to pause.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:41

Is this hell?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:42

Well, I'm noticing that's HRHRHR.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:46

Oh, okay. Sorry.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:48

I think we're gonna just call it.

SPEAKER_12 1:01:50

Yeah, sometimes sometimes a bit doesn't have a future, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:55

Well, we could have definitely to HR HRHR. But I think that's a good idea. No, we shouldn't. We shouldn't. We shouldn't. We shouldn't. We shouldn't. We've done too much. This has been the epitome of improv today, and I'm loving it.

SPEAKER_16 1:02:09

I should go glad.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:13

I've made slightly inappropriate comments that could be taken out of context. I just feel like they weren't even context, is the thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:21

I don't know what context you were in. No, we don't need to talk about them anymore. Okay, I was no, we don't need to talk about it.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:27

No, I I just think the audience should clip it and we should move on from there.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:32

Yeah. I'm excited for the audience to clip the part where you talk about Lynn Shit.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:37

Clip that, and then I think you should tag Derek uh specifically online. Just tag him, comment, relentless. Don't let him up. Please don't say this. I'm sorry. But for real, for real. This is a comedy podcast, and give Derek his space. He's he's got a. I towed the line. Yeah, he towed. He went to HR and he knows what he did wrong.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:00

Fame comes at a price. So just fame does come at a price. He already paid that price.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:04

Don't make him pay it again. No. It was three dollars and I never got that money back.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:09

Sophie.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:09

Yeah. It's time.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:11

The time has come. We've asked for your opinion on another word. But now it's time for you to step up to our sodium podium. And if you would be so kind, in one word or less, describe salt.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:31

Sharp.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:34

Sharp. The word is sharp is sharp. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:39

We've never had sharp. Sharp.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:42

New word. I'm a transfer.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:43

We don't have to punish you. It would have been a punishment. You would have been punished if you had said someone like that.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:48

Twenty last streaks!

SPEAKER_05 1:03:50

Well now. Don't make me take you to HR.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:52

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:54

That's a good idea, though, for next time. We do have to punish someone. Because we really don't have a punishment in mind.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:58

Okay, I want to talk about Sharp.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:59

I want to talk about Sharp.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:00

Sharp and Sharpie. Actually, it's it's funny. I deal with knives all day, but that immediately made me think of a Sharpie. Like a like a pen. Oh. That's interesting. No, but that's where my brain went. We're doing word association here.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:13

Yeah, yeah. That's this is what the podcast is. I'm sorry, I forgot. I forgot. I just really wanted to talk about salt today.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:21

Um sometimes, sometimes if you get too much gunk in your salt and then it gets a little sharp, it gets a little hard.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:28

Agreed.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:29

If we're talking about sharpies, one of my earliest memories, actually, was this about salt? I don't know if this is an entertaining enough story, actually. Well, now you kind of have to say kind of backed myself into a corner here.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:42

Fly, fly through it. You got it.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:44

When I was really little, the University of Utah's basketball team was really good, and we used to go to we used to get season tickets and go every single game, and they had a player back then named Andrew Bogat, who went on to be the number one pick in the draft, play in the NBA for a really long time, and I really he was he was my hero.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:03

And one of my earliest memories is going down onto the floor after a game and getting him and the rest of the team, but I really only cared about him, to sign my baseball hat in a silver, shiny Sharpie. Whoa.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:18

Oh that's the story. That's special.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:21

That is really nice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:22

That's a special memory. Are you a sports person?

SPEAKER_07 1:05:25

I am. I don't know why I always say that in sports.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:28

Yeah, why are you scared? I do feel like you're ashamed of it in some groups.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:33

It's it's a it's a it's a fear thing. It's a because there I have had points in my life as a theater person that went to college for theater where I said something sports related and people genuinely went, Hey, shut up. We don't wanna we don't care. None of us care. That's just rude though. That's hey, that is. I'm gonna say something. Sometimes theater people are pretty rude. That's true.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:54

That's I had a a cast or not cast member, uh classmate when I was At the Yo study, uh, who introduced himself on the first day. It was like, like, say your name and one thing about you. You know, we went around in a circle and nobody knew anything about anybody at all. And the way he started himself was like people were like, I love my name is Alexis and I love raccoons. Yeah. Okay. Or like some, you know.

SPEAKER_16 1:06:19

As you do.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:20

Yeah. And there was like Cricky, and and he was like, My name's Connor. I'm not like other actors because I actually really love sports. And we were like, we're gonna kill you guys.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:32

It's just a dangerous thing to say.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:34

It's it was the way he said it. He said, I'm not like other actors. I like sports. And it's like, well, that's not you're not the only actor to ever dabble in a thing called sports.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:46

I would argue it actually is like a lot of actors like sports. Like I think it's fairly home. Some don't. There's plenty of them. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:52

But especially watching, but like participating, you know. Yeah. That's a yeah, please.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:59

We find ourselves at a uh uh sports-loving theater people's anonymous.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:08

Hey, welcome in everybody. Hope everyone had some snacks and some of those football-shaped cupcakes. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:14

Oh, those are so fun. Those are so fun. I just I usually I usually don't get to eat cupcakes that are in the shape of a football.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:21

Is it a test or did we lo did I pass or is it a test? Yeah, I grabbed it. I don't know. I grabbed one. Is that okay? Is that allowed?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:28

Of course that's fine. Of course that's fine.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:30

It's okay. Take a deep breath.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:31

Uh we do have a big red cooler over there full of beers, if anyone would like to partake. Okay. A beer? What I mean, what kind of beer?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:40

Like a like a like a is it like a light?

SPEAKER_11 1:07:43

Like a corona or a hobby beer or like a bunch of bush light.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:48

We have a bunch of different ones. And in the back, I did get some like artisan locally crafted beers for anyone who's feeling a little adventurous. Yeah, I I love those. Obviously. I'm an actor. I love those. I love the artisan crafty beers so much. All right. Well, uh, you guys just mingle for a bit and then we'll get to we'll get over to the the main circle in just a moment.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:06

Okay, but I just want to just want to ask, is that just just for my sake, because obviously I don't want one, there's not like a bush light or anything, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:08:16

Yeah. Oh, of course there is.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:18

There's there's a whole case of the bigger bigger. Oh, there is some blue ribbon, you know, some natty light. Yeah, natty. Crazy because I'd be ribbon and natty light. I definitely don't want any of those. No. Oh, yeah. All right. Well, uh, you enjoy those beers, drink up, bros. Uh, and I'll be I'll be over here.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:38

Thank you. Oh hey, are are we really doing this?

SPEAKER_12 1:08:42

Yeah, Jeremy, I think we should. I mean, I think that's I think that's what Jenny wants. I think Jenny wants us to give it a go.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:49

You're you're right, you're right. Are you guys gonna drink the beers?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:54

Are you gonna watch?

SPEAKER_07 1:08:55

Are you gonna watch?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:56

As a test? You have to tell us. No, I I came. I I just came for the I came to for the You're one of us. Okay, this is this is the the meeting, right?

SPEAKER_12 1:09:05

One of the last time Jenny put a plant in here. Who's Jenny? This is my first time. I'm really nervous.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:10

Jenny's in charge of the group.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:12

Jenny runs things around here. Oh, see, I had to come. Iron grip on this meeting.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:18

I my my rehearsals for cabaret just got out and oh congratulations.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:23

Very timely.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:24

Congratulations getting cabaret.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:26

Yeah, it was a pretty big deal.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:27

Do you want a PBR?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:31

Is that is that legal? Am I allowed? I think so.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:34

Look, I'm looking around the room and I I'm I'm seeing I'm seeing a few light beers. I'm seeing a couple of people take the artisan beers. I think this is a place where you can just have whatever beer you want.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:47

Jeremy, can I talk to you for one second? Yeah. Can we just watch it?

SPEAKER_07 1:09:51

Sorry. We're just gonna what's up?

SPEAKER_09 1:09:53

If we get him to have the beer first, then we can see if it's safe and we can proceed accordingly.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:00

That's true.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:01

I have no emotional ties to him. He's new.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:04

You have no idea how long I've wanted this.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:08

I can't watch another college basketball game with a cocktail in my hand. It's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:15

I can't I can't. I can't stand in the bleachers with my theater friends who I've dragged along and make rehearsal jokes. How long did they rehearse this? Oh, that stage combat was great. I can't do that joke anymore.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:28

I can't drag them all. I can't convince everyone to go to Buffalo Wild Wings after strike one more time. They all want to go to Denny's. They all just want to go to Denny's. But I have to convince them to go to Buffalo Wild Wings so I can catch the end of the hockey.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:44

I hope. It's not a Buffalo Wild Wings. It's not the same. They don't have the game on there.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:49

They don't have the shitty, shitty food that is served at Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm gonna say it.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:53

It's shitty food. No.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:55

And I want it.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:55

Hey guys, I'm I'm sorry. Oh hi.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:58

You just you went over, you went staged left. I mean you went you went left of me for a little while, and I I Hey, do you wanna Do you wanna watch March Madness with us?

SPEAKER_04 1:11:06

Yeah. Wait, is that allowed? Am I allowed? Yeah, who cares?

SPEAKER_05 1:11:11

Who cares? Oh, is it wait, I have a question. Is it true that they're gonna be showing SportsCenter highlights later?

SPEAKER_07 1:11:18

Top ten and not top ten.

unknown 1:11:21

Oh man.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:22

Yeah. This is incredible. Alright, everyone. We're ready. Come on over and take a seat. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:30

Okay. Hank. Oh, looks like we've got some new blood here.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:34

Yep. Oh, everybody's got some beers. Yeah. One person took an artisan beer. Jackson, you can't.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:40

Yeah. You know. Okay. I actually like sports, but I also like the uh the artisan beers. I'm not like other actors or other sports people.

SPEAKER_16 1:11:50

Oh, Jackson.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:51

Okay, Jackson, Jackson, Jackson, we've been over this. This is a safe space. If you don't want to follow the rules, you can leave.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:58

No, I just want to bully people, so I do think I'm just gonna leave. Peace out!

SPEAKER_05 1:12:02

Jackson. I mean, take care. Hope you find your peace. Alright, everyone. Okay. Now, as we saw last week with the Super Bowl, Bad Bunny did a really good job.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:16

He did great.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:17

And what do we call the thing that he was doing? Everybody know? We talked about this. We talked about this. It was not, it did not start with an I. And I know all of you want to say it. I know you all want to say intermission. But it was a it would say it with me. Half time. Half time.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:41

Half time show. Halftime. He was doing his show in halftime. No, he was in half time. Half time. He was doing it in half a time.

SPEAKER_16 1:12:51

Order time. Order, order, order, order. No, no, no, no. Sorry.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:57

No, so it's actually. Unfortunately, the mindset around sports tends to be looked down upon as stupid because it's halfway through the show. Yes. So they call it halftime.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:14

Where they perform halfway through.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:16

No, yes. Yes. Yes. They don't perform in halftime, though that would be a very funny gimmick. I might think about doing that at the time.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:24

But I heard that they do perform three-quarters sometimes. Three-quarter time. Three quarters. Three quarters. Three-quarter time. Three-quarter time.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:32

One and two and three.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:32

One, two, and three.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:36

Oh no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:37

I'm supposed to be leaving this meeting. Jenny, Jenny. Okay. Oh.

unknown 1:13:42

Sports.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:43

Sports. We're here to discuss sports. Yeah. Yeah. We all love theater.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:48

I love it. I just love it. I love it so much. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:52

But also, we love we love sports.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:54

I do, and that's okay. And we don't care about the world, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:58

We don't care about who knows. No, I don't care about the world. No. No. No.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:03

We just want people to know I care about sports.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:05

Sports and theater. And I'm gonna stand up and say it. Shout it from the raft. Do it. I like sports. And I like theater. Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 1:14:17

I like sports.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:20

I like theater.

SPEAKER_16 1:14:23

I like sports.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:42

Oh, that was a beautiful rendition of I Like Sports and I Like Theater.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:46

Anybody want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings?

unknown 1:14:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:50

That's a good, that's a good, that's a good ending point.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:52

Yeah, that was.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:53

Dan, how do you feel? Do you feel vindicated?

SPEAKER_11 1:14:55

Did you escape in that?

SPEAKER_05 1:14:57

I feel like you ascended right there.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:58

Yeah. That was actually like the truth is I do, I, I do have actually a pretty solid core group of friends that are into both theater and sports.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:06

So I Well, aren't you lucky?

SPEAKER_07 1:15:07

So you're just faking. I'm I'm actually one of those weird actors that likes that has a bunch of friends that like all the same things that I do.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:17

I mean, you know what? That is pretty abnormal. That is actually pretty much it. Do you have like a guilty pleasure thing that you love that nobody talks to you about? Yeah. What is that? Please speak.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:27

Probably so many, and I don't want to say it. I don't even know.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:31

Oh, please. It's so fun to meet. I love this question.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:34

I don't want to say it. I'm really embarrassed. Do I know? Do you want me to I can't mention it? Open it up, you know, if it makes you feel better.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:42

Family guy.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:43

I think it is my biggest guilty pleasure on the face of the planet. I watch that show every day. I just haven't watched it.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:49

Are you caught up to like the newer seasons of everything too?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:51

Every episode. Every episode and every new episode. It's not good. Yeah. There's nothing really great about it. But I I trace it back to my childhood when my parents were fighting and I was always watching Family Guy on my iPod nano to get myself to sleep. True story. I said it random. I ended it weird. But but I I really do. Like I have it on in the background. Like sometimes at work, I'll just have it on. It's just like really good. It's like white voice.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:16

You're you're like put you're the kind of person who's gonna watch the clips with the subway surfer on top. No. No, no, no. Your second screen.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:24

I'm an adult who owns a Hulu subscription.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:27

Oh, okay. My mistake.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:30

Anyway, that's my guilty pleasure. There you go, world. I uh watched everything.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:34

There's a lot of people who like Family Gun.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:36

I know, but it like it feels so like as far as like comedy goes, New Family Gusty is like so looked down upon.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:42

I yeah, I I can see that it's a good I think it's a guilty pleasure. I think it's within that realm. I think you're fair to categorize it that way.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:48

Thank you, Dan. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:52

That's uh that's another little crossover that I like to explore sometimes. This is a thing that I do with um impressions that I can do, is I like to do them doing Shakespeare, like devastating Shakespeare monologues. And one of my favorites is Lois Griffin. Um please.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:07

Please give it a to be or not to be. That is the question. Whether 'tis no blur in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows your eyes of outright disfortune.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:17

She's right there. I don't want to close my eyes. I want to watch you enjoying this.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:21

You know, and when I hate Lois.

SPEAKER_14 1:17:22

That's like another like Marcel show. Like, for who would bear the whips and chains. So good. That this flesh is air too. That is so much. You know, like that is really fun. The juxtaposition.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:36

That is so fun.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:37

That's kind of fun.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:38

I want like three hours of that. But unfortunately, we're out of time. Oh, wait, what is your guilty pleasure?

SPEAKER_12 1:17:43

Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, let me get into it. I I have two guilty pleasures. One that I feel way more guilty about and one that I honestly don't feel that guilty, but like probably should, but don't.

SPEAKER_15 1:17:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:55

Uh the one that I don't feel guilty about at all is Ghost Adventures. Oh, yeah. That show. Yeah. I love a ghost hunting show. I love Zach Begins. I think he's one of those personality types like Wendy Williams or Tyra Banks, where it's like, I don't think I would like you as a person if I knew you in life. If you came up to me, I think I would hate you. Yeah, fair. But at to watch you on television gives me so much glee and joy to watch you do what you do. Like Wendy Williams is so Saso. And Zach Bagins is one of those, him going like, like, what's with this room? And they're like, oh, there's a demonic force in this one. It's very scary, gonna kill you, possess you. And he goes, Aaron, that's where you'll be sleeping tonight. And I'm like, dude, like, what is your like that? And then whenever there's a room that they're like, there's a succubus in this room. This is the room where people get touched. He's like, I'm gonna stay here. And then he'll he'll go in that room and then everyone's. He goes there and he'll go, Touch me. He wants to have sex with a ghost so bad.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:52

I'm surprised he hasn't faked it at this point.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:55

No, he yeah. Because he fakes being possessed, so you'd think he would, because he'll just be like, he'll just start going like this all of a sudden. He'll his eyes will just go up in the back and he'll go. And he'll go, This is the moment in which like I got possessed because I wanted to hit Aaron really bad. Like, and Aaron will be like, dude, Zach, Zach, Zach, you gotta listen to me. And Zach will just start glaring at him, and I'm like, I think you just hate Aaron. Maybe that's okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:20

Maybe he's so unable to get an erection that he doesn't want to like fake getting like having sex with a ghost.

SPEAKER_12 1:19:27

Only a ghost could do that for him.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:29

I don't know. I don't know. There's a bit there, but we don't have time. What were your other guilty pleasures?

SPEAKER_12 1:19:36

Oh, yeah. So the one that I'm actually guilty about, but you know, embarrassment's not real. Kill your cringe kids. Uh it is I love I love it, and I've spent no numbers of hours enjoying consuming the lore of Five Nights at Freddy's.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:54

No saves games, books, no saves. I have not I actually also have joking.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:00

No, I I have a horror remove pod I have a horror movie review podcast, and for that, we did an episode of the both movies. For the first movie, I went hard. Watched Matt Pat, watched all that crap.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:12

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:12

Watched the like eight-hour videos that are out there of just the bite of 47.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:17

No, no, because it's so 87. 87, yeah. Was that the bite of 87? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:24

Yeah, that's all I know. The extent of my knowledge of Five Nights and Freddy's was that. I used to watch Markiplier when he did it way back in the day. Yeah. And then I haven't done any since, and then I know about the smosh bit.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:34

See, that's healthy.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:35

That is healthy.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:36

That's a healthy consumption. I feel like I put it.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:38

Don't worry, I have plenty of unhealthy obsessions.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:40

Okay, wait, what wait, what are yours?

SPEAKER_07 1:20:42

Yeah, give us one more. That's the thing. I don't know. I don't know if I have like a guilty pleasure that I'm ashamed of. I think there's a part of my brain that's missing that uh makes you forget to be ashamed of certain things. Yeah. So I don't know which ones are the shame most shameful.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:57

But um maybe the most reactive. I need other people to remind me of things that I'm that I shouldn't be ashamed of. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:06

You've been spending hours and hours doing a spreadsheet on Pokemon types.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:13

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:13

Sure. That's like that's just like a logic puzzle that takes a few months.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:17

Oh, yeah, but yeah, I can see this isn't necessarily a guilty pleasure, but it is in the intensity of it.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:21

I remembered. I remembered the thing. I remember the thing. I don't know if I've ever told you this.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:26

You told me about your spreadsheet. Okay. That's kind of where it was. For years I have, and I just haven't had time to get back into it in a long time. But I have this I have this made up world that I drew a map of about 12 years ago. Yeah. And then I invented approximately 520-ish colleges in that world. And I uh I used to spend hours a day um making them uh assigning what what is it called? Scheduling all the college basketball games that they would play against each other and then simulating the games an entire season. Seasons of worth seasons worth of I think I had five seasons of college football and seven seasons of college basketball that I did. And it would take like it it takes like five months to do a full season.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:21

Whoa.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:21

Because there's so many teams, and that's how hard difficult it is to schedule things.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:25

And you started that for just color.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:28

For nothing. Yep.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:29

And what it just happened today.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:31

It just it just happened. It just kinda happened.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:33

The craziest thing about that is you there's like video games that do that.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:36

There it they are, but they it's believe me, I've tried, I've tried the games, and you can't like you can't you can't make it as personalized as you want it to. As I wanted to, I guess.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:46

AI could never see I could never approximate my human basketball game spreadsheet.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:52

Well, Sophie, unfortunately, we've reached the end of this episode. We thank you so much for coming on, though. Why did I sound like a guy there? Not like a guy. Grossa guy! No, uh Thank you so much for coming on. Is there anywhere you would like people to find you?

SPEAKER_12 1:23:10

Uh yes, you can s find me on most any platform under the tag soppy gene. S-O-P-P-Y, J-E-A-N. Um, yeah, it's like soapy, but it's not just the one gene. Just Jean. No, one leg.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:27

I assume that's what Jean means, is one half of jeans.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:30

It's uh my middle name, Soppy Jean. Sophie Jean. There you go. Oh lovely. Find me anywhere there. If you're Utah local, come see Socks Summer Show. I'll be performing that all summer. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Very cool. Thank you so much for having me. This is a blast. So much fun. You gotta come back.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:48

You gotta come back. Uh before you go, though, we two more questions for you. First off, I don't have a sign-off.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:54

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:55

And I need one. Okay. Would you help me?

SPEAKER_12 1:23:57

Okay. Yeah. Um, your sign-off. Um uh I feel like it should be a shaker pun.

SPEAKER_09 1:24:05

It should be like, now we gotta shake it. Now we gotta shake it.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:10

We shook it in, we shook it out, we shake it all about.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:13

What is 20s bouncer woman? All right, that that'll lead great into my clothes. Oh, good, good, good. All right, well, what's your what's your goal for the week, Soph?

SPEAKER_12 1:24:22

My goal for the week.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:23

If I can kill you, Soph.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:24

Of course, yes. Thank you. And thank you for that. Um my goal for the week is to surprise myself, I think, uh, with something, with a with a fun. I've been really enjoying a side quest lately, and I invite you guys to do the same. When when something that you didn't have planned presents itself, follow that thread and just experience something you didn't plan. I love that. It's been fun. I've really enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:48

That's a good that's a good way to live. It's like yes, yes, man.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:51

Yeah, yeah. It's been so far just uh enriching my life. So I like it.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:56

Wonderful. Uh for me, I'm going to try and remember what my sign-off was, first off. And second. So you didn't like my shake bit or I did. I'm just gonna do that. He's trying to remember your bit that you just said.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:08

Sorry. I went on the defense fast.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:11

I have like an insane memory, but when it comes to like remembering the sign-off thing, it's tough all the time. It's just gone. Yeah. Um, my actual goal for the week is to eat eat and consume enough protein because I haven't been the last few days.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:25

Alright.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:26

Dan?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:27

My goal for the week is to finally get out there and audition for that basketball team. Are you actually I'm gonna do it. Been wanting to audition for that basketball team in a long time.

SPEAKER_09 1:25:39

Okay, that's what I thought.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:41

It's supposed to be a bit because I said audition. You know, audition.

SPEAKER_16 1:25:44

Oh my god, that didn't even it didn't even.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:50

You're such theater kids rehearsals right at the end.

SPEAKER_16 1:25:55

I know it.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:56

Alright, well, Sophie again, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you. And yeah. Hair's gonna keep going, keep going.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:05

We're gonna shake your shake it, shake it out of here. Shake Yes. You can you can shake it out, shake out of here, shake the burlesque.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:17

I've just let you keep going forever. I'm just waiting to see how many times you're gonna try. Yeah, you needed the approval.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:26

Shake shake it out, everybody. Shake it, shake, shake it, baby.

SPEAKER_09 1:26:30

Shake it over. Shake it.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:33

We'll catch you on the flip side.

SPEAKER_16 1:26:36

Thank you, welcome.