28 - SAVORY (W/Nick Denhalter)

Transcript

SPEAKER_12 0:00

Throughout time, philosophers have befuddledly wondered aloud the answer to one simple question. How do you describe salt without saying salty? Today, in this very podcast studio, two non-philosophers will attempt to answer that question with the help of some special guests and the time-tested medium of long-form improv. Whether or not that improv will actually have anything to do with the topic at hand is frankly not up in the air. It won't have anything to do with it. But you'll still want to listen anyway. Welcome to Describe Salt. Derek? What's up, Dan? Are you excited for our brand new company-wide goal slash objective?

SPEAKER_08 1:01

Okay. What is this?

SPEAKER_12 1:03

Here at Describe Salt. We have a New Year's resolution in April. It's an April resolution. Uh Australian New Year. We are going to get Paul F. Tompkins on the podcast. It's gonna happen. You see that Paul we've decided that Paul F. Tompkins needs to be on the podcast because we want to help you, Paul. We want to help you continue in your quest to be on every podcast. Yes. Does that his quest? I don't know, but he's on every podcast. He is. He's been on every single one.

SPEAKER_07 1:39

Paul, I know for a fact you were on a podcast with just like a marginally slightly tiddly bigger amount of followers than us. Now not that we count, not that I care. No one follows counts followers. So uh if you're listening, sir, and I am talking directly to you, your beautiful man, love Mr. Peanut Butter, one of my favorite characters of all time. I think that uh you should just come on our podcast.

SPEAKER_12 2:02

You should come on the podcast, and and we'll help you in that quest. We just know it's a thing. And and like every time I start listening to a new podcast of some kind, I always end up searching for his name in the titles, and he's in it. He's in it. He's there, he's in all kinds of podcasts. He was on the Taskmaster watch party podcast, and I was like, that's that's insane. That's great. He was like the only American that's ever been on it, other than Americans that have been on Taskmaster. That's incredible. So hey, I'm just saying, uh, let's get you on the pod. PFT. Come on.

SPEAKER_07 2:34

You can uh you can stay in my house if you fly out to Utah, or we can zoom also as an option. Is that is that too forward? Is that too forward? For him to stay in my house. Stay at your house. I would love for him to stay at my house. No, I know, I know. Me too. But is that is that too much? I will pay for a hotel for you to stay out here. Oh, oh. I can't afford anything super expensive. So no hotels. Okay, we'll find something else. I could get you an Airbnb.

SPEAKER_12 2:57

Isn't Airbnb like more expensive than hotels usually?

SPEAKER_07 3:00

I think so. Especially in Utah.

SPEAKER_12 3:02

I think in Utah they definitely are.

SPEAKER_07 3:04

But I could stay in the Airbnb too. We could split the costs.

SPEAKER_12 3:07

You could stay in the Airbnb and Paul F. Tompkins will stay at your house. Yeah. That's better.

SPEAKER_07 3:13

That's not as forward because now arguably more expensive because my mortgage is higher than an Airbnb would be.

SPEAKER_12 3:21

But you're paying for it.

SPEAKER_07 3:22

Oh, right. Yeah, you're right. So it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_12 3:25

Unless you want to pay for it. Yeah, Paul. PFT.

SPEAKER_07 3:28

You can pay for it. That would be way too forward. We're like, hey, pay for your own lodging.

SPEAKER_12 3:32

Or just get on Zoom. Whatever is that.

SPEAKER_07 3:33

I'll pay the subscription fees so that we can have a longer than an hour conversation. Oh, for so yes, because you can only be on Zoom for I actually I had this experience because I I did a Zoom interview for my other podcast, and I had to pay for the subscription so it could go over 45 minutes. That's a fun story that I just told anyway. I'm Derek, and this is a podcast about improv PFT. Please love us.

SPEAKER_12 3:54

Please, please, Paul, please come on describe Salt, where I my name is Dan, and this is a podcast about improv.

SPEAKER_07 4:02

One day you're gonna hear Dan's name in the world, and you're gonna be like, I should have gone on the podcast. That was my Paul of Tompkins impression.

SPEAKER_09 4:12

What? Okay, give it to me again. What does Paul sound like? Well, I don't think it's outgoing podcast.

SPEAKER_07 4:22

I can't even tell what this does sound like. Well, it's the rattlesnake rapids guy. Oh, is that the right thing?

SPEAKER_12 4:30

A reference that Paul F. Tompkins is sure to know.

SPEAKER_07 4:33

So, Paul, uh, which is also my dad's name, so I might call you daddy. Um, this is uncomfortable, but there's a place in Utah called Lagoon. It's a uh like Disneyland, but cheap.

SPEAKER_12 4:42

I feel like you might know about Lagoon.

SPEAKER_07 4:44

People know about Lagoon. And back in the day non-Utons even. Back in the day, Lagoon. They deleted him, by the way. He's not there anymore. Uh there's this. Rattle thing. Yeah, he's not there anymore. Okay. Crash bandicoot.

SPEAKER_09 4:57

That was a very real reaction I just had. I was not overdoing it.

SPEAKER_07 5:01

It's kind of beautiful. Okay. Uh, Paul. If you come here, you should go to Lagoon. It's glorious. I'll take you. Uh I won't ride the rides because I'm a big wuss. You will probably ride the rides. I will. I will. Cool. I'll ride them twice. Once for me, once for Derek. Anyway, so there is a ride there called Rattlesnake Rapids, where you get real wet. Um, the fun kind and the fun kind. And then uh there used to be an old prospector, and he said, Well, on the Rattlesnake Rapids, there was a there was a snake that bit all the children, and they got thrown into the water and eaten by snakes.

SPEAKER_09 5:37

And that's what you sound like, Paul.

SPEAKER_07 5:41

This is so funny because actually in the studio with us today, oh, we have a representative from Lagoon.

SPEAKER_12 5:48

Indeed. We here at Describe Salt love bringing on experts of all kinds to help us in our quest to define salt and describe it in one word. And today we brought on a Lagoon, a Lagoon employee that is an expert. I didn't have it written down.

SPEAKER_07 6:00

You Yeah, uh okay. It says uh Frankfurt. Interesting. Frankfurt. Yeah. One name?

SPEAKER_06 6:08

Frankfurt, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 6:09

Okay. Interesting.

SPEAKER_06 6:11

Two names, Frankfurt. Frank, first name, last name, Fert. Oh, there's supposed to be a space. Oh, well, I can't. I don't like this space. I got rid of this space, so that's actually correct. Yeah. Oh.

SPEAKER_07 6:21

Hey, okay. Very cool. Very cool. Don't have to reprimand you. Frankfurt. It says here that you are an expert on all things rattlesnake rapids guy, and that is in quotations.

SPEAKER_06 6:30

Yeah, yeah, it's true. Uh uh. I I want to say I'm 16, first of all. Um, you know, Lagoon. That's uh that's about the oldest they hire there, you know. So uh I am 16 years old.

SPEAKER_12 6:44

I have worked at Lagoon in real life, and that's were you 16?

SPEAKER_06 6:48

Yeah I was I was 18. Yeah, but those days over those days are over. All about the childhood. I'm dreading turning 17 because I'm out of a job.

SPEAKER_07 6:56

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_06 6:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 6:58

Were you there when Rattlesnake Rapids guy was fired?

SPEAKER_06 7:02

Uh yeah, yeah. I was there. Uh he pissed off the the wrong people. Um really? Yeah, and he was old too. That's uh, you know.

SPEAKER_07 7:10

Is he still alive? Who knows?

SPEAKER_06 7:13

I'm not legally allowed to talk about it because it does kind of have to do with the history of the ride and everything. Right, you know. Um, but let's just say he took one last ride on the ride. He did. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

Oh whoa.

SPEAKER_12 7:27

Wait a minute. We can't delve into that any further. Um you can try. You can try. You can try. Oh, I want to try. Okay. Uh did he when you say he took one last ride on Rattlesnake Rapids, you mean he stepped onto that rotating platform?

SPEAKER_06 7:41

Yeah, he did. He did. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 7:43

There's a rotating platform where you have to that's where you get onto the ride because it never stops. I mean, sometimes it does.

SPEAKER_06 7:48

I I haven't seen it.

SPEAKER_12 7:50

And then there's these big circular rafts, and he got into one of those rafts and he he rode down the rapids.

SPEAKER_06 7:57

Yeah, have you seen a mice and men or read it? I'm reading it this year. That's really cool. In school? Because I'm a junior in high school.

SPEAKER_09 8:05

What is that? What does that have to do with rattlesnake rapids?

SPEAKER_06 8:08

Well, it do you know the ending of you know the ending of the killing?

SPEAKER_12 8:13

I do, I do.

SPEAKER_06 8:15

That's all I'm gonna say. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_12 8:17

I was gonna say, I feel like we I Derek, I feel like I feel like if we just keep pushing him, he's gonna keep giving us more.

SPEAKER_07 8:26

So I actually keep saying that's all I can say. I brought something. Uh Dan, if you wouldn't be so kind as see that glowing thing down on the ground right there, will you grab that?

SPEAKER_09 8:36

What in the okay?

SPEAKER_07 8:37

Yeah, just do it. Just grab that glowing thing. So this is actually a light from Rattlesnake Rapids. Uh and I've been told by Lagoon that if someone touches this, they can embody the soul of the Rattlesnake Rapids guy. Is this true? I bought this for$5,000.

SPEAKER_06 8:56

Okay, yeah, this is true. Um uh you know, we we save it for uh, you know, uh fright mares uh to kind of like, you know, the whole spook thing, uh, you know, kind of call someone from the dead, but that is true. That is true. Interesting. Interesting.

SPEAKER_07 9:11

Uh so I've been trying. I've been staring in the meter and I've been like touching it, and I haven't been turning into him. I was just gonna say, I touched it a second ago. You didn't turn into him. You didn't turn into him, right?

SPEAKER_12 9:22

I don't feel any different.

SPEAKER_07 9:23

Is there a special way to summon him? Yeah. For sure. Yeah. So it's not just it's not just touching it.

SPEAKER_06 9:32

You touch it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta channel him, okay?

SPEAKER_07 9:35

I'm trying. Nothing, nothing happened. Well, you're an atheist. Oh, you're right. You do have to believe it.

SPEAKER_06 9:41

No, you do have to believe in God.

SPEAKER_07 9:42

Wait, so if I believe in God, then I'll turn into the rattlesnake.

SPEAKER_06 9:46

It has to be an earnest thing. You can't.

SPEAKER_12 9:47

Yeah, I don't I don't know if we have time to make you earnestly believe in God.

SPEAKER_07 9:50

We'll try. Do you want to try? Yeah, Frankfurt, employee, 16-year-old employee from Lagoon. That's me. Hi. Could you make me believe in God? Okay. Trust me, man. My history with God is sorted.

SPEAKER_06 10:03

Okay. Um, yeah, so uh let's see. Let's see.

SPEAKER_07 10:10

When was the last time you went to church? Last time I went to Frankfurt.

SPEAKER_06 10:14

Oof. Uh what's today? Uh April 8th?

SPEAKER_07 10:20

April 8th, yeah. It's a Thursday. Nope. It's a Wednesday. It's a Wednesday.

SPEAKER_06 10:24

Sunday was the last time I went to church.

SPEAKER_07 10:25

Oh, hell yeah, brother. Hell yeah, brother. Okay. Um That is convenient. Could you make me believe in God right now?

SPEAKER_06 10:33

Um This is this is important. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're all here for you, buddy. You ever seen like a diagram of a leaf? You know how like complex it is? That's pretty crazy. So you're like saying God did that? I mean, I didn't. Did you? Holy shit. Yeah. Think about it. Should I touch the thing again? Okay. Go ahead and give it a shot. Go ahead and touch that.

SPEAKER_09 10:58

Hello.

SPEAKER_06 10:59

Ed, I've missed you so much.

SPEAKER_07 11:00

Hello. Frankfurt.

SPEAKER_06 11:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 11:02

The last time I saw you, you had a syringe.

SPEAKER_06 11:05

I know. Alright.

SPEAKER_12 11:07

Okay, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. What? Who are you? I'm agnostic. Where am I? And I don't know about this.

SPEAKER_10 11:14

Where am I?

SPEAKER_12 11:14

This just feels like a Derek thing to do, you know? What? No, that's Ed. That's Ed. I can tell. That's Ed? I can tell.

SPEAKER_07 11:20

I know. I have crazy.

SPEAKER_06 11:22

I'm convinced. Yeah. You what?

SPEAKER_11 11:25

This is insane. Let me check out the junk. Why is that the first thing? Wow.

SPEAKER_06 11:32

It's a little unethical to do that, Ed, because you know you're not asking your host for for consent to He's just screaming back there. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 11:40

He says, don't look at my penis.

SPEAKER_12 11:43

Okay, okay. So see actually specifically did not give Derek then.

SPEAKER_07 11:47

I don't understand. Who's Derek?

SPEAKER_12 11:50

Derek's.

SPEAKER_07 11:50

Is he the one in there?

SPEAKER_12 11:52

Derek's the body you're currently entrapped in? Is this the correct terminology? Entrapped? Yeah, entrapped in. Sorry, but it's just around Stink Rapids out.

SPEAKER_06 12:02

I'm just I'm just an expert on the ride, yeah. But I I did, you know, I I have a relationship with uh, you know, the spirit that's hosted.

SPEAKER_07 12:09

Me and Frankfurt loved each other very much.

SPEAKER_06 12:12

Yeah, in a well, in an age-appropriate way, you know, like real grandpa.

SPEAKER_09 12:16

I'm 16. Well I th I thought you were too old. I thought that's why they fired you. I turned 17 tomorrow. Oh, so they preemptively fired you? Yeah. Today is March 40th of 2020. Be careful.

SPEAKER_12 12:32

Be careful. Okay. 25. Well, that means you are actually now 18 because it is actually 2026. It's April 2026, right now.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Whoa.

SPEAKER_12 12:45

So you are technically too old now. You're right. 18, 16. 16, yeah. Frank, for you.

SPEAKER_07 12:51

I don't know how that works. Is that why you put the syringe in me and I woke up in this room?

SPEAKER_06 12:58

The syringe? Uh, there was a syringe, um, and I was not told the effects of the syringe, okay? Oh.

SPEAKER_07 13:04

Uh it felt kind of nice.

SPEAKER_06 13:07

Okay, well, good. That's good. Okay. See, I'm learning I'm learning about this about at the same pace you are, okay? Oh.

SPEAKER_07 13:14

Um It was all blackness after that.

SPEAKER_06 13:17

Well, was it painless? Because they assured me afterwards that it was.

SPEAKER_07 13:22

Well, there were moments when I would be riding on the ride, and I would be, ooh, pain, and then then I woke up here.

SPEAKER_06 13:30

Which is and pain is normal for that ride, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 13:33

It's not safe for children.

SPEAKER_06 13:35

Okay, so are you this is the first time you've been summoned since what happened.

SPEAKER_11 13:42

What do you mean, summoned? Well, the thing that's happening right now.

SPEAKER_06 13:45

Yeah, so you your memory is that it went out.

SPEAKER_09 13:48

You understand the concept of you being in another person's body, but you don't understand the concept of being summoned. Well, yeah, I guess it's Matt. I'm only 18. Okay. Fair enough. I I just noticed I was in a different body.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

Wanted to see the weeder on the guy.

SPEAKER_07 14:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 14:07

Sure. Sure.

SPEAKER_07 14:08

Hey, we hey, we've all been there. We've all been there. Is this some sort of freaky Friday situation?

SPEAKER_12 14:13

I think it's a little different than that because Derek's just gone right now.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Oh no, he's in there.

SPEAKER_12 14:19

He's in there?

SPEAKER_01 14:20

He's fucking mad.

SPEAKER_12 14:22

Oh, okay. So here's what I want to know. I want to get to the bottom of what exactly happened to the to you. I mean, we it sounds like you were it sounds like you were euthanized.

SPEAKER_07 14:40

I mean, I've been youthful my whole life, but that's it.

SPEAKER_12 14:45

No, no, no, no, no. It sounds like you were put down.

SPEAKER_07 14:48

Well, I was put down into the right.

SPEAKER_12 14:50

Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't find a third way to do it either. It sounds like they murdered you, is what I was trying to say. Oh, Ed, it's my name.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

Frankfurt. Frankfurt.

SPEAKER_06 15:02

Yeah. Uh well, they described it to me as a promotion. Um, they said uh Ed's gonna get a promotion, and it's your job to give him that promotion in the neck and uh and do it w when he's at his happiest, which was on the ride. It was right here, which was on the ride.

SPEAKER_12 15:21

So did you left and sat him in the ride and you you sent it off and you'd like to do it.

SPEAKER_06 15:25

Well, it's diff I mean it was a difficult thing, you know. I missed the first few times.

SPEAKER_12 15:29

It was a hard Oh, so not difficult emotionally, that's what I thought.

SPEAKER_06 15:32

Well, it was well, I didn't realize I was I thought I was giving him a promotion. He kissed me on the head. I did. I did.

SPEAKER_09 15:39

We did love each other very much. That's a promotion?

SPEAKER_06 15:42

Um well, yeah. Well, I don't there's uh there is like a religious foundation to Lagoon. God is there. That's true. It's a similar to Scientology.

SPEAKER_07 15:57

Careful, careful, don't want to don't want to say that.

unknown 16:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 16:01

Uh I'm learning it's it's similar to other religious beliefs. There you go. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 16:08

Except the one is all, and all is one.

SPEAKER_06 16:10

Of course, of course, yeah. And uh and so it was like he was be he was being promoted, is what I was told. And and that required an injection in his neck.

SPEAKER_12 16:20

And how long did it take for you to figure out that it was not what you thought it was initially?

SPEAKER_06 16:26

Wow. Um well uh they kept us going on the ride a couple times.

SPEAKER_12 16:31

And I would say But you were on the ride with him the whole time. Yeah. Oh, I thought you just I thought you gave him the promotion and then you sent them on his way.

SPEAKER_07 16:37

My last memory is laying on his chest. You were just going around the ride several times with a dead man.

SPEAKER_06 16:44

So the park was open during this, right? Because we were on the clock. Well, they don't want to pay us when we're not on the clock, right? And so we had it. This had to happen while I was on the clock, right? And they said, wait for the mist cave. You know the mist cave. Yeah, when like the you know, nobody else can see.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

Well, that was what the snake was.

SPEAKER_06 17:04

Snake. That is true. That is true. Yeah. Yep. Nothing special about that. There just was a snake. The rattlesnake that the rapids are named after. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:14

What is the damn?

SPEAKER_06 17:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 17:18

I feel I feel like Derek's fighting to get back in the race. He wants to come out sound different.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 17:25

And then and then that's it. You just you killed a man.

SPEAKER_06 17:28

Well, you didn't know you were killing him. Well, yeah, he went down. They let us, like, you know, I we they sent us around a few times after the injection. Um uh. And we just kind of hung out, you know. And I and then I started, you know, by the third time around, you know, I kind of realized that I had I had killed my friend.

SPEAKER_12 17:50

We're we're okay. Here's an important question. Yeah. To me at least. Okay. And you matter. Thank you. Was there any was there like kids spraying you guys with water? Yes, yeah. And they're failing at a big part of Battle Street Rapids is that people that are watching can spray you with water from the side.

SPEAKER_06 18:11

It well, it was comforting for me because I started to convince myself that maybe that's why he had passed was from the kids, you know, drowning him in some, you know, and I I can't, you know, it's been the the further I get away from the incident, the more I realize it probably was me injecting something into him.

SPEAKER_12 18:28

That's what it it's yeah, it sounds sounds like that's probably it.

SPEAKER_07 18:31

May May I ask a question?

SPEAKER_06 18:34

Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 18:35

Why did you kill me? You knew what was in the syringe, you said to me, I remember. You said, And this is this is a lethal injection.

SPEAKER_12 18:46

Well, okay, this is new information.

SPEAKER_07 18:48

And then you said, I'm gonna put it in your neck. I love you very much, but we can't be together tomorrow because you're turning 17. Yeah. And then you sang me the song from Sound of Music and you pet in my head.

SPEAKER_09 19:00

Which which song?

SPEAKER_01 19:01

You are 16, going on 17. Oh, it's beautiful. I'm gonna cry.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Yeah, the context of that song is totally different in this situation, too. It's like totally different.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Okay, had just fixed the sprayer guns and made them free so you didn't have to put quarters in them.

SPEAKER_09 19:24

I don't think you ever had to do that. Did you have to do that? I don't remember having to do that.

SPEAKER_12 19:28

Well, I was like, I also feel like that's the first actual historical fact I've learned about rattlesnake rapids this whole time. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_09 19:35

What is why we brought you one in the first place. For the rapid.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

I feel like there's a white light and it's full of the snakes.

SPEAKER_07 19:46

Should I go towards it? Derek's screaming yes.

SPEAKER_12 19:50

Okay. Well, I mean all you gotta do is let go of that light you're trying to do.

SPEAKER_07 19:54

I've tried multiple times, my hand is stuck to this thing.

SPEAKER_12 19:58

Is it is there anything you can do about that? Do you know about this?

SPEAKER_06 20:01

I uh I you know it has to he has to be willing to leave. It has to be a willing thing.

SPEAKER_12 20:07

I think I might know what this is. Ed, do you believe in God? Oh fuck no.

SPEAKER_07 20:12

Oh. What the hell? Oh, why was there like a pedophile in my head? You know what?

SPEAKER_06 20:18

Oh! Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_09 20:21

I have no idea. Oh man.

SPEAKER_12 20:25

I think it was like 95, man. It sort of sounded like it. Hey, I'm so sorry, Frank. We we gotta we're gonna we gotta let this sit. We gotta figure this out. We're gonna take a quick break.

SPEAKER_07 20:37

Yeah, I think we're gonna take a quick break.

SPEAKER_12 20:39

We're gonna be right back in just a minute after you pretend to listen to ads that we don't have, and we'll be right back.

SPEAKER_07 20:46

Dude, I need to buy myself a Casper mattress.

SPEAKER_12 20:48

Welcome back to the podcast. Describe Salt, the one you were listening to before the ads.

SPEAKER_07 20:55

Yeah, I loved that ad about HelloFresh.

SPEAKER_12 20:58

HelloFresh and Casper crossover was crazy. Bro, dude the HelloFresh you get a weekly, it's a meal kit subscription, but it's a mattress inside inside your meal. And it's a meal.

SPEAKER_07 21:14

It's sponsored by IKEA, so you have to put together your own mattress. Crossover events, stuff by stuff.

SPEAKER_12 21:21

Anyway, it's time to welcome in our next special guest of the episode. Everybody say hello to Nick Denhalter. Hi, having me. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_07 21:33

Welcome, welcome to my room. Yeah. It's fun. It's my bedroom. We're sitting on my bed.

SPEAKER_12 21:37

Oh there's a camera now. They they don't they can see that Okay, okay. Well, Nick, tell us a little about a little a little a little about what? A little bit about yourself. Thank you. I forgot the word bit.

SPEAKER_07 21:50

I just did not that's all we do, Dan. We bit. Yeah, Nick, tell us about yourself.

SPEAKER_06 21:56

Yeah. Um uh so I grew up in Cedar City, Utah. Uh I got my classical acting BFA there at SUU.

SPEAKER_07 22:04

Um Did you ever do anything with the Shakespearean Festival?

SPEAKER_06 22:07

I did, yeah. I worked at the Shakespeare Festival a couple years ago. I I was a child actor there, believe it or not. I played Jem Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird back in like what year? Like the only time they've done it. So I saw that back. I was in there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 22:25

That's actually sick as hell. I stayed after for the like talkback of that one.

SPEAKER_06 22:29

Oh, nice. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 22:30

Because I loved it. It was transcendent.

SPEAKER_06 22:33

Sweet. I I probably didn't do that great. I feel like they were I don't remember you.

SPEAKER_07 22:37

So yeah.

SPEAKER_06 22:38

I well, which is good news. You know, the I would have been. I think that's a good. I'm glad. I'm glad you don't remember me.

SPEAKER_07 22:47

Yeah, it would be weird to remember the kid from uh Kill a Mockingbird.

unknown 22:52

Yeah. Would it?

SPEAKER_07 22:53

I wish it could be.

SPEAKER_12 22:54

I mean, Scout is definitely Scout's yeah, Scout's essential.

SPEAKER_06 22:57

And like Dill's funny. Like that's the thing that infuriated me is like Jem was always like whiny and like learning, you know, like coming of age lessons alongside and then 15 years ago. I know it was it was, it was a very long time ago. Yeah. I was uh eighth grade.

SPEAKER_07 23:16

Wow. Yeah. I wasn't. Anyway, uh dude, what other shows did you do there?

SPEAKER_06 23:22

Yeah, uh, so uh I was um in I I got the fellowship uh through SU, the like internship type thing where you get like one singular role and then like 30 understudies. Oh, interesting. And then I did another year of all understudies, and I did like uh I had three tracks in um The Show That Goes Wrong, the Playboy. Nice. Um and uh that was a blow. That was pretty recent. It was a yeah. So I was yeah, uh like a few years ago. Yeah. Um and then I moved up here right after that. Uh and now I'm doing a lot of improv. I have a sketch channel, Unleaded 85. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go follow. Please do, please do. Yeah, I didn't even know this existed yet. So I need to go.

SPEAKER_07 24:09

Say your channel name one more time.

SPEAKER_06 24:11

Unleaded 85, like the gasoline. Like the cheapest gasoline. Yeah. Hell yeah. Come to find out, it's only you can only get that in Utah, Wyoming, and Idaho. Yeah. So you're awesome. Uh unleaded 85. Specifically. No, it's 87 is the lowest, it goes everywhere. It's like the elevation allows. Yeah, that's why I named this gas.

SPEAKER_07 24:33

Everything's more leaded.

SPEAKER_12 24:34

That makes sense because that's the three states I've bought the most gas in.

SPEAKER_06 24:37

Well, there you go. Yeah. But if you go ever go somewhere else, notice the lowest it goes is 87. 87.

SPEAKER_07 24:43

Do you have a fact check on that?

SPEAKER_06 24:45

Go ahead. Do it.

SPEAKER_07 24:46

Done. You're right. Oh, boom. Thanks. Yeah. No other states do it. That's sick. That's so fun. That like I saw you as a child when you were acting. But I was also kind of a child then. I think I I was in high school. Yeah, that makes sense. So my my family goes there all the time. We go there every single year. Big, big, big fans. Uh the show Um uh Stones in His Pockets. Love Stones in His Pockets. One of the most amazing two-man shows of all time. Have you ever heard of it, Dem? You would love it. It's great. It's two guys playing like 60 characters or something, not even a joke. And they they do it based on like their shoes and their mannerisms. It's really, really impressive.

SPEAKER_12 25:26

Okay. I almost wrote a two-man show once. Yeah? When I was working in Yellowstone, I have to be a I almost wrote a two-man show. I didn't get very far into it, and then I decided I wasn't gonna work there anymore. But uh that's all I have to say. Because I literally didn't I didn't I wrote like a page of it. That was it. Oh it was it was like it was like a guy walking into a hotel late at night, and then the door man appears, and that was the character I was gonna play. Okay. One of the many par characters I was gonna play. That's it. That's all I wrote. Nice.

SPEAKER_07 26:00

We transport you now to a man walking into a hotel at night.

SPEAKER_12 26:04

Ooh, so chilly. Ugh. It's cold out there. There's no one here to to welcome me to this hotel. Actually, I'm here. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_07 26:13

I'm here too. We are a two-man play. A two-man sorry, what? Is this not a hotel? No. No. No, you thought you were walking into a hotel. Interactive theater experience. Yes. You can be whatever character you want. It's what they call improv. Yes, and.

SPEAKER_12 26:30

Uh I had a brother that got into that once and I never saw him again. I don't think this is this I'm sorry, this doesn't come from me. I'm sorry. I'm actually trying to leave. No, no, no. No, okay. Well, I have the doors locked.

SPEAKER_07 26:42

Well, you have to imagine that the door is unlocked.

SPEAKER_12 26:45

I really just want to go to sleep, guys. Is there is there a place I can Well, we can help with that too.

SPEAKER_07 26:49

Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. That was weird.

SPEAKER_09 26:56

That's it. I thought you were going to dig it somewhere else.

SPEAKER_07 27:00

They helped him go to sleep. It was really good. He was struggling with insomnia.

SPEAKER_06 27:05

Yeah. Yeah. They just started doing bits and he fell asleep.

SPEAKER_07 27:12

I was excited to be. That would actually that would be a good sketch. Like just a guy just like walks into an empty room and there's two guys who just it's like a horror story.

SPEAKER_12 27:20

Person who goes to improv shows to help with his insomnia. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

It's like I can only sleep at improv shows. They're just so bad.

SPEAKER_07 27:31

Wait, wait, wait. Do the one where you step forward and say what career you are.

SPEAKER_12 27:36

That's crazy that that those have been that viral like TikTok lately.

SPEAKER_07 27:42

Yeah. I don't know. The the improv. The bad improv trip or whatever.

SPEAKER_06 27:45

I don't want to say bad improv trip. It's just an improv trip. And it's and it's like and it's just very different. The setting that's like also just like that type of setting, like you're doing a workshop and everyone's so nervous and so focused on like what they're gonna say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 28:00

I feel bad for those people because they're getting ripped apart.

SPEAKER_12 28:02

I well, I are, but there's also been so many people that's a lot of support.

SPEAKER_06 28:06

There's a lot of these fan edits of it's like, oh, Red Cardigan Girl. Yeah, yeah, I do. I have seen those. Yeah, yeah, those are really those are sweet. But it is, and it's like the thing that makes me mad is it's like, okay, well, like if anyone's trying to play World Wars, I personally hate World's Wars. It's the worst game. It's like the worst world's worst game. Yes, and it's like, and it's like so difficult to get like really good jokes out of that. And it's yeah, and it's just like, I don't know. I yeah.

SPEAKER_07 28:33

There are so many better starter improv games. Can I can I recommend something? That we play World's Worst. That we play World's Worst.

SPEAKER_12 28:39

That is the worst idea. Can I can I subject us to hell right now and World's Worst? Okay. All right. Here's what we're gonna do. Oh, you're gonna find it from there? I guess. Find the first option occupation you can in that joke book. Just the very first one you see. Aren't there any? There's gotta be a job somewhere.

SPEAKER_07 28:57

Uh mechanic.

SPEAKER_12 28:59

Mechanic. World's worst mechanic.

SPEAKER_06 29:04

Well, I sure hate my job. Uh so this is a car, right? Oh my god, it hurts.

SPEAKER_07 29:12

See, this is the problem.

SPEAKER_06 29:13

I'm breaking out of this. I hate this.

SPEAKER_12 29:15

This is the problem. Have you been putting unleaded gasoline in this car? This is Nevada.

SPEAKER_05 29:21

This is Nevada. The elevation. That's good. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_07 29:26

That was a callback. There's the thing though, it's like all of them are gonna be the same. It's gonna be someone walking forward and being like, Well, I guess I can't do this job. Exactly. Slash profession. Yeah. No, World's Worst is awful.

SPEAKER_06 29:38

Oh, yeah. My favorite is like the continued bit. They do it in these TikToks where it's like someone will say like uh like like fitness instructor instructor, and then like the least out-of-shape person walks up and was just like doesn't fit anything.

SPEAKER_05 29:53

Oh yeah, guys, that would be crazy.

SPEAKER_12 29:55

You know it's like kind of one of my most memorable moments from doing improv. So I went to Snow College, tiny little college in the middle of nowhere in in the center of Utah. Literally like the graphic center of Utah, and we had there's nothing to do any from. So our improv team was popular. We sold out like 12 shows a semester, like 400 people would just show up and cram into our little black box. Awesome. It was amazing. That's why that's why I fell in love with improv. Like it was amazing.

SPEAKER_07 30:27

And I think you're lying because 400 people could not fit into a black box.

SPEAKER_12 30:29

I don't, I don't I am very much overshooting it with 400. Why did I even say 400? I have no idea.

SPEAKER_07 30:34

But it was a lot. Over exaggerated.

SPEAKER_12 30:35

I know it was a ton, but we we like made so much money for the theater department. That's so awesome from genuinely just LTI was our team name. Let them improvise. That was that was the team. Anyway, my one of the most memorable things I ever did was we were playing World's Worst, and our host said, World's worst meatball.

SPEAKER_04 30:56

What?

SPEAKER_12 30:57

And we were all just sitting around like, what do we do with that? And I will and I was like, somebody's gotta say something so we can move on to the next one. So I walked up and I said, This is just a walnut wrapped in beef jerky. That's pretty good. And it got nothing. No, that's pretty good. And then I looked at the host and then he was like, Alright, we're gonna do another one. And I will just never forget that. Walnut wrapped in beef jerky is like one of my favorite jokes I've ever said because it got nothing. Yeah. That's my favorite kind of jokes in general, is just when Dan jokes.

SPEAKER_07 31:30

Dan only laughs. No, no, no, no, that's not true. That's why we run a comedy podcast where we can't hear people laugh at us. We did a live show a couple weeks ago or a month ago now, and it was so strange to have audience feedback. Yeah. Because like we've done improv live, but like when you do this, it's like there's no one, there's no one here. There's just a camera. Right.

SPEAKER_06 31:51

You can yeah, you can convince yourself like everything is killing. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 31:55

And we find it funny, but we're just a couple white guys behind the cameras. Sure. Making jokes. Oh man. Sorry, did I just diminish what we're doing? Kinda. Sorry. But I'm having a nice time. And Paul Tompkins. Paul Tompkins is gonna come on the podcast. He's on his way. And now that we've transcended the medium of radio and we're on video, people would be like, go back to the radio. I don't want to look at you while I'm listening to my podcast. Yeah, I just want to like listen. So, Nick, yeah. I noticed that you are wearing a we gotta move on to salt because that's why we're here. Sure. Oh my god, I didn't even like describe what the podcast is. With this new format we're doing, I like skip that section every time. I don't think you ever have, but until today. Cool, good talk. This is a podcast where we bring on a different comedian from around the Utah Valley, usually, uh, to describe to us what that little teeny tiny little flaky white, stupid little thing. Stop describing it. No, but I just didn't say you're taking words away from people. Uh I just don't know what it is. I don't understand it. Well, I know what it is. Like I'm a chef. I didn't know what salt was. We just don't know how to describe it in one word or less. If someone wanted to destroy my career, they could look up this podcast and be like, this guy doesn't even know what salt is. Can't be an executive chef anymore. He's a fickin idiot. Uh so anyway, that's why Nick is here. And Nick, last week. Well, it wasn't last week. Last month, last century. Whenever the last time we decided to do this podcast was. We had, was that the episode we brought? Uh you gotta search right now. I do. I gotta search for it. Will you stall for time? Yeah uh uh have do you uh have uh what um you uh what's uh so last time we had our friends uh Jake LaFrever and Rio. What's Jake's last name? Ulisic. We had Rio Ulisic and Jake LaFrever on. One of which you know.

SPEAKER_06 33:55

Yeah, Rio, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 33:56

Yeah, you're good friends with Rio.

SPEAKER_06 33:58

That's true. Shout out Rio.

SPEAKER_12 34:00

Yeah, Rio. Very, very funny person. And she responded and said, I said, Nick Denholz is on the podcast right now. And she said, No fucking way, legend. Oh, sweet. Are you a legend?

SPEAKER_06 34:12

I uh I just got deemed that. So that's great.

SPEAKER_07 34:15

You were that kid in To Kill a Mockingbird.

SPEAKER_12 34:17

I was this is really gonna help us get Paul F. Tompkins on. What is your this is their first legend on the show.

SPEAKER_06 34:22

Wait a minute. That kid in To Kill a Mockingbird from the Utah Shakespeare Festival. Utah Shakespeare Festival is pretty well known. It is. No, I slapped that at the I slapped that role at the top of my acting resume. Of course.

SPEAKER_07 34:35

The fact it says Utah Shakespeare Festival, freaking huge. It's nice to have on a I would love to do a season at the USF. That would be actually incredible. It's exhausting.

SPEAKER_06 34:46

And that's like the nicest thing about it is it's like so long for an acting gig, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 34:51

Yeah. 100%. Rio last time gave us a word, which actually it's it's a little uh what's the word? Uh fortuitous. Like comics the fortuitous. It is very fortuitous for you to do Rio's word, which was good. Scood. It's good.

SPEAKER_06 35:12

Okay. I like it.

SPEAKER_12 35:14

You like it. You like it. It's very real fast. It's very real. It's very Rio. Yeah. Indeed. I can confirm that as well. Okay. So how how how do you think, how good of a job do you think is good at describing salt?

SPEAKER_07 35:27

That's how she said it specifically. It's good. It's good.

SPEAKER_06 35:31

I think in a way, like, like if we're going strictly off like vibes, like the vibe of salt, I think that's fair, you know? Like I think. I think the tone of it, as far as like how excited a person should be about it, is like about there, you know.

SPEAKER_12 35:49

It's like So here's here's my question now that I I always forget to ask people. This I do want to bring this up. Is it good enough at describing salt if you were trying to tell someone, hey, get that thing for me over there? And they were like, which thing? Describe it for me.

SPEAKER_04 36:07

And you said, would they know it's the salt?

SPEAKER_12 36:11

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 36:11

That completely shifts the narrative, Dan. I don't think so. No, I don't think so. Probably not. Definitely not. But if like if someone was like unable to taste salt, and they're like, Man, how is salt? Like, how what is it like? Like in relation to everything else you could taste, you know. I feel like it's good. It's like I would be like, oh, cool. Okay, sweet, thank you. You know?

SPEAKER_07 36:31

Yeah. I feel like most of my life, Dan, I need to we need to talk about this. Oh so I am an executive chef. Uh-huh. No, no flex. Bragg. Just a literal fact. I went to school for it. No flex, just a brag. Shut up. Okay, hey, brag. It's okay. I'm not saying I'm not saying bragging's bad. No, no, no, no. And my point is, I I've spent most of my life combating salt. Like I Okay. It it is like a explain. It's like a constant struggle for me where like I will add salt to something. Maybe it's a little bit too much. Or like one of my chefs will make something, and we're like, well, there's a little bit too much salt in there. So I'm like trying to fight it. I'm trying to like, there's such a balance. You have chefs?

SPEAKER_06 37:08

What is it? What do you mean? Do you like work at a restaurant?

SPEAKER_07 37:10

Yeah, I run a little cafe in Draper. Okay. So like you sound like you're just rich.

SPEAKER_06 37:17

You're just like, yeah, well, maybe my chefs are making me, you know.

SPEAKER_07 37:20

No, I have a culinary degree from Salt Lake Community College. Oh, okay, nice. Oh, that does not mean I'm rich at all. Also, I have a five-month-old, so like all of my money goes.

SPEAKER_12 37:31

So even if he was rich, he's not at the moment.

SPEAKER_07 37:34

I remember that thing I was going to talk about at the beginning of the episode. Wow. We'll come back to it though, because I'm still talking about you're going to forget again. No, I won't. Remember, remind me it's about something with grass. So later on in the episode where I say, Does anybody have any anecdotes? You'll be like, you do. This is gonna happen. Fast forward to that. That's it. Whatever timestamp. So anyway, I find that it's I'm it's a constant battle. Because like you we've talked about this before, how like people will go and add salt before tasting their food. And so I like I want to make sure that the food is perfect, but sometimes it's a little salty. And I don't like like that. I don't want things to be too salty. I don't know. I don't know. I just I'm having a I'm having a hard time.

SPEAKER_12 38:18

I do I don't know how to help. It's okay. Uh I think generally food thrives on salt.

SPEAKER_07 38:28

It does, it's really annoying. Actually, if you go outside of America, I'm sorry, you're gonna say something and I'm just streamer. I don't think he wasn't. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 38:36

I can if you'd like me to.

SPEAKER_07 38:38

Say something. Will you?

SPEAKER_06 38:39

Yeah. Uh I think too salty is a problem for sure. Like if I get McDonald's fries and they're too salty, you can't like undo it for some reason. Oh no, it's just interesting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 38:52

Because I recently found out that if you order on the app, you can get extra salt on McDonald's fries. Yes. And I prefer it that way. Really?

SPEAKER_06 39:00

Like real salty, like where your tongue hurt. Well, I have a tongue condition.

SPEAKER_12 39:03

I I only ever get small fries, so it's never I'm never eating like a huge thing of really, really salty fries. You only get small fries. Okay. Well, I'm comfortable enough to admit when something is a flex. So I'm sorry, I have to get the large fry. You have to get a large fry.

SPEAKER_07 39:22

The fries with like the best part of the meal. The McDonald's has the best fries, unless they don't.

SPEAKER_09 39:27

So is it a flex then? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 39:28

A little bit.

SPEAKER_09 39:29

Why?

SPEAKER_06 39:30

I don't know. It's like a reverse flex. It's like you can, you they are the best fries, and you can like eat less of them. Do you know what I just remembered? You are better than us. Do you know what I just remembered?

SPEAKER_12 39:38

I don't get the small fries. I get the medium fries. I forget there's a smaller one.

SPEAKER_06 39:42

Yeah. Well, and sometimes they're weird about it if you ask, if you order the small ones. Like they'll be like, you can't like they've talked about it. Are you American? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they I I you might not even be able to order the small ones all the time. I'm like maybe not. I'm pretty certain I've asked for a small fry, and they said we can only do medium. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 39:59

I don't think now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I've ever asked for a small fry because it's tiny. I have actually had a small fry before. So I was referring to paper bags.

SPEAKER_07 40:06

Yeah, and that like little white paper bags. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Not sponsored by McDonald's.

SPEAKER_12 40:12

I wish it was still. Give me a smaller McDonald's fry cup. Give me a little baby.

SPEAKER_06 40:17

Have you seen the kids' meal ones?

SPEAKER_12 40:19

Yes, yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_06 40:21

They're not enough though.

SPEAKER_07 40:23

That's fair. K-pop Demon Hunters is doing like a collab right now. Have you guys done the ramen packet thing that they're doing? No. So I did this. You get the K-pop Demon's Hunter's meal. It comes with a packet of fries, and then it comes with a little bag. You put your fries in, and then they have a packet of ramen seasoning. Oh, they did this with the Grinch. And you dump it on there and you shake it up. It kind of ruins the fries.

SPEAKER_12 40:45

Yeah. No, they did they did it, they did a Grinch one in December. And it ruined it. And it made it like pickle flavored. And it was it did not mix with McDonald's fries at all.

SPEAKER_07 40:56

And see, I knew that it was gonna ruin my fries. So I added like a fourth of the packet, and it still was too much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

And then I was like, before I tasted it, I went over to my wife, like, ooh, honey, we've got a packet of ramen this evening. Would you like it on top of your fries?

SPEAKER_07 41:12

And she's like, what the fuck are you doing? I was like, like, here, put this on. And then I felt so bad because, like, 20 minutes later I looked over, she hadn't even eaten her fries, and the fries are her favorite part. I ruined my wife's fries. Damn. And it's all because I talked like a 20th-century douchebag.

SPEAKER_12 41:30

It's not because of the ramen packet. You just soured the mood.

SPEAKER_06 41:36

No appetite after that. It's like thanks.

SPEAKER_07 41:38

I can't handle your voices. No improv in the basement. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 41:43

Oh, that happened an hour ago.

SPEAKER_07 41:45

No, it was like two weeks ago. Oh. Actually, I think it was exactly a week ago, weird enough. Exact okay. Yeah. Okay, I'll take you at face value for that. Yeah, I'm definitely not lying. No, it was last Tuesday. Shit. It was a week and a day ago. Dan, I can't lie to you. I can't lie to you.

SPEAKER_08 42:01

I can't lie to you.

SPEAKER_07 42:03

Damn. Well.

unknown 42:05

Hmm?

SPEAKER_07 42:06

Anybody have any anecdotes?

SPEAKER_12 42:11

We suck at this, dude.

SPEAKER_07 42:12

Dude, I want. When we have merch. We should catch Nick up. Well, you gotta catch everybody up. We gotta catch everybody up.

SPEAKER_12 42:19

This is just a thing on the podcast that anytime it hits a lull, one of us will just look at the guest and say, Do you have an anecdote? Do you have any anecdotes? And it's just the least. So bad. It's like we gotta take a class from like hot ones or something on how to interview people.

SPEAKER_07 42:35

Can I just Can I tell you the craziest part? Is I did a legitimate interview, right? I've talked about this like 20 times. I interviewed a whore director. And like I felt like that interview was fantastic. I had 15 questions. I did a crap ton of research, and it went really, really well. And then every time I sit down for an improv podcast, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, here okay, here's what we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_12 42:57

What was the the question that you were most proud of asking? I'll pull it up. You'll pull it up. Okay, we got it. Get ready.

SPEAKER_07 43:05

Right, here we go. I don't think it will apply to you. It's gonna. I'm ready. Uh you're really looking. You can't just remember? No, I can't remember. I have them written down. Um none of these apply to you, dog. That's okay. That's okay. I'm not I shouldn't have been able to do that. Here we go. This is the question I actually nixed. I did not ask this question.

SPEAKER_10 43:28

Oh, oh, oh, exclusive BTS content.

SPEAKER_07 43:32

Um, all right. This question's probably asked all the time, but it's the talk of the town, man. What do you think the impact of AI will be on the film industry? Obviously, it's there, it's controversial. Do you think it will be inevitably accepted? And should we accept it?

SPEAKER_06 43:48

I I think we should now eat a spicy hot wing. Oh damn. Ah man. I have a tongue condition. I live I told you that earlier. Sorry.

SPEAKER_12 44:00

What a what's another impro interview show? Um eat your last meal. Yeah, eat your last meal with the hot wheel hot wing. Done. Done. Okay. And then we'll dress you up in a fancy character's costume. Nice. Nice. Probably a simple thing. Okay, now you and now you can answer now you can answer the question.

SPEAKER_06 44:19

I hope. I think I think optimistically, I think that uh there will be uh a more generalized movement against AI um in general, uh just because I think that like once we really start to feel the effect of like it taking jobs like in a way that like we can't recover from. I think that I think but but in art uh I d I hope so. I think I don't think we should embrace AI. I think we should continue even when it's irreasonable, like people are like, oh well, it's like not everybody can afford blah blah blah. And it's like I think we just take a hard stance on it and just like figure out where to go. I'm super against AI. Me too. Let me plug my short. I wrote a short film I about AI. Oh, no get it. Yeah, plug it in. Yeah. It's called Alternative Godzers of College Project, but it's like uh probably film-wise, oh shit, uh the most the thing I'm most proud of. Nice uh uh Yeah. Well what's what's what's it about? I want to hear more.

SPEAKER_12 45:19

It's so I mean obviously don't give away a whole short film.

SPEAKER_06 45:21

Well the premise the premise is actually it's also about like uh um parasocial relationships and like the intertwining of the two. So the concept is that uh people are so uh uh people want to be influencers so bad, that's such a norm that um they develop like uh they release kind of this flood of AI bots that are like basically an audience, like a Twitch audience, yeah. Where it's uh and then it becomes this thing that because uh that expectation to have like an audience and to make content out of your life, um uh then like therapists start using it for people that need that kind of support. So that's the premise is it's like uh which it's it sounds really complicated, but um uh it's like AI audiences kind of uh allow people to feel like their life is important, right? So they stream what's going on and then they have people commenting and it's like, oh, I have this audience. Um and then it's just kind of like it's kind of a little sci-fi horror. Uh it doesn't feel as sci-fi anymore because it's a reality, yeah, yeah. It's crazy because I it it when ChatGPT first became a thing, yeah, like uh and was first popping off, it was when I was writing this and I used a lot of clips. Uh like I just kind of chopped up a bunch of news clips to make it sound like they were talking about the techn the fictional technology that I was sure in my film. Uh, but uh all I I didn't know what Chat GPT was at the time, so I was just like, oh, without this software. And then it's like those news clips are like the ones I used in my film, and then now ChatGPT is obviously. Oh, that's so wild.

SPEAKER_12 47:05

It's absolutely everywhere. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:07

Um, but that's the premise. And then it's like got a little like horror twist with it. Is there anywhere people can watch this? Is it on YouTube? YouTube, yeah. One more time, the name of it. Alternative gods. All right, go check it out. Yeah, go check it out.

SPEAKER_07 47:20

That's sick.

SPEAKER_06 47:20

I'm gonna go watch it. I I uh I think it's pretty good. I think it's pretty good. Yeah, gotta be proud of your work. That's great. Yeah, I'm proud, I'm proud of that one. I have a hard time with that type of thing, but I'm I'm proud of that one. Nice, good. I'm yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 47:34

I'm glad.

SPEAKER_07 47:34

That's always a good thing. It's interesting.

SPEAKER_12 47:36

It's good to be proud of things.

SPEAKER_07 47:38

Yes. Kate, yeah. I have to do a retrospective on what we just did where we asked a real interview question.

SPEAKER_12 47:44

Okay, you what, you don't want to do it anymore?

SPEAKER_07 47:47

Yeah, it wasn't funny. We became a real podcast. I liked it. I had a nice I really enjoyed the conversation. It was I would continue it, but it wasn't funny. It wasn't how do we how do we remedy that? We talk about my anecdote from the beginning of the end.

SPEAKER_12 48:04

All right. All right. It's it's time. It's time. Everybody buckle up. Oh my god, it's not that good.

SPEAKER_11 48:10

We're about to talk about grass. It's time to talk about grass.

SPEAKER_07 48:14

Thank God. Grass time. Thank God.

SPEAKER_11 48:16

Grass, grass, grass.

SPEAKER_07 48:18

Okay. I don't want to talk about grass anymore. I'm gonna shift. So Ike Nick, you're wearing a shirt with a wolf on it. Yes, I am. And before you got here, I was wearing the that three wolves howling at the moon shirt that the Chosen wore. And I wears, and I was really excited that I was wearing it, but then baby spit up on it. So I had to change it. And now I'm wearing goldfish squad. Which is cool. Okay. Um can we talk about grass? Oh, yeah. So I was I was doing some yard work. You tricked him into it. I was doing some yard work today, and the whole time I was like, fuck, man. This is no one talks about this side effect of being a dad. You enjoy yard work. My whole life, my whole life, I've been against it. I like hated it. But I was out there with a frickin' hedge trimmer from Blacken Decker, and like I I am so not a masculine person, it's so obvious. But I was out there with my shoulders out, and like testosterone was pumping through that hedge trimmer, and I was like, I have a penis, and it created a baby. And because of that, I am a man.

SPEAKER_12 49:28

Here we go. We find ourselves in a corner office at a home where a wife walks in on her husband who is really enjoying doing his taxes.

SPEAKER_07 49:40

Oh my god, if I add this here, then I can deduct$400 from my black and deckered hedge trimmer. Charlie? Oh my god, Charlie. Oh, oh, hey, hey, babe. Hey, how's it going? Hey, fine. Um You were gonna do the taxes, right? Nope, I was looking at porn, is what I was doing. Okay. I swear to God that I was watching busty mamas. Hey, Charlie, Charlie, that's okay.

SPEAKER_12 50:09

I I Taxi Cab, full access to your search history. That's totally fine. Can you do the taxes though? I know you don't like doing this. I freaking hate taxes, but it's really important.

SPEAKER_07 50:21

Put them off until next week.

SPEAKER_12 50:23

Okay, well, I don't want to have to pay extra this year, but but look, it's now that we have a kid. The kid's gonna wake up.

SPEAKER_03 50:29

I'm awake.

SPEAKER_07 50:31

My gosh, I'm freaking James. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 50:33

Continue. I like I like hearing your conversations.

SPEAKER_12 50:36

You're such a smart kid. We're just talking like 11 months. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 50:41

It's true, I'm smart. Keep giving me compliments.

SPEAKER_07 50:44

You're also really taking compliments. Shiny head, you've stopped spitting up.

SPEAKER_12 50:49

At first, I was really proud of him that he was able to take a compliment so well, and now it's almost like a little annoying.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

Okay, that's not very nice. Hey, just go to bed, James.

SPEAKER_12 50:57

Go to bed, James. All right, all right. Tuck yourself in.

SPEAKER_03 50:59

I love you guys.

SPEAKER_12 51:00

You know how, we know you know how.

SPEAKER_03 51:02

You guys are my heroes. Thank you.

SPEAKER_12 51:04

Thank you. Haven't gotten tired of that yet. No, me neither. That feels great. That's great.

SPEAKER_07 51:08

I love the compliments. Really, I hope that continues until he's like well into his teens. That would that would be really nice. Anyway, if you leave, I could probably get started on the taxes, but I'm probably just gonna keep watching porn.

SPEAKER_12 51:19

Okay, Charlie, I gotta say. Yeah. It's fine if you like doing the taxes now.

SPEAKER_07 51:26

What? That's actually like great. I don't like doing taxes now.

SPEAKER_12 51:30

No, no, no. That's great. Like last the entirety of the entirety of our relationship, you've hated taxes.

SPEAKER_07 51:35

Nope, it's always like porn.

SPEAKER_12 51:38

Okay, well.

SPEAKER_07 51:39

Sorry. I'll just leave you to it then. Thanks. You know it has to be those Kleenexes.

SPEAKER_09 51:45

Kleenexes. Since when do you watch? For a semen. For a semen. James. James. James, you're gonna be able to get it.

SPEAKER_12 51:54

It is 1.30 a.m. How do we know what seam it is?

SPEAKER_03 51:56

Sorry. Sorry.

SPEAKER_07 51:57

It's 1.30 or something.

SPEAKER_12 51:58

You're starting preschool early tomorrow.

SPEAKER_07 52:00

Please.

SPEAKER_12 52:01

You're right.

SPEAKER_07 52:01

Wait, is it really 1.30 a.m.? 5 30 a.m. I've been doing watching porn for six hours.

SPEAKER_12 52:09

Okay. Charlie, I feel like we need to talk about this, and you just need to be honest with me.

SPEAKER_07 52:15

Can we turn on the porn in the background?

SPEAKER_12 52:19

Sure. Alright. Okay. Wow, this is great. That's one of those silent porns. Okay. I don't know what the point of that is.

SPEAKER_07 52:29

I like silent movie porn. It's got the organ plan, and then every once in a while it pops up. Oh, I'm stuck in the dishwasher.

SPEAKER_12 52:40

Yeah. Organ dishwashers. Okay. All right. Now that the porn's on, can we please talk about the taxes? Yeah. Do you like the taxes now? Yes. You can say yes. Thank you. Thank you. That's good. I don't like cutting them, though, because that makes me a man. Having a kid made you I don't I don't think it makes you any more or less of a man. It just means you like doing taxes. Fine, babe. I'll admit it. Oh my god. I love the taxes.

SPEAKER_07 53:10

I've been doing it for six hours. I did them wrong. Oh no. And then I did them again. And then I did your taxes separate, and then I did my taxes separate. And then I combined them together. We did joint taxes, and then I did it once when we had a dependent and once when we didn't have a dependent, and then and then and then I watched porn of someone doing their taxes. Oh. It was so hot.

SPEAKER_12 53:28

Is that oh, that it it it autoplayed to tax porn.

SPEAKER_06 53:33

Oh these thank you so much, HR Block Guy, for doing my taxes. But I just don't know how I'm gonna pay you for this. Once you go H R Blocks, you never go back. I thought I was gonna be able to pay you with my return, but oh no, I'm gonna have to pay.

SPEAKER_07 53:52

Oh, that's his one. Oh, and then he's putting clothes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's typing into the keyboard with his penis, which is very impressive. Okay, can I tell you how triggering that was for me because I still haven't done my taxes? Oh no. I haven't quite finished mine. In real life, I'm terrified of my taxes because I traded some stocks last year, I bought a house last year, I bought a car last year, I had a baby last year. That's true. I'm horrified. This is the end of my taxes in one week.

SPEAKER_06 54:20

Yeah, yeah. I'm still in the phase of life where it's like it's like I I get a tax return, and it's like I need that. So jealous. Yeah, last year.

SPEAKER_07 54:30

Scary thing. Last year I owed$8,000. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 54:35

So uh I I've started my taxes. I'm not quite finished. I thought when I had started them, I was going to owe$6,000.

SPEAKER_07 54:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_12 54:44

And then my brother, who's an accountant and saves my life every single year, tax porn. He looked at no. Don't imply that. I don't think about John having anything to do with that. Sorry, John. All right. He also doesn't listen to the podcast, but that's fine. That's right. Listen to this one. John John looked at my taxes for like two seconds and was like, you didn't put in because I was an Uber driver last year. He's like, you didn't put in your miles correctly. You didn't put in this, you didn't do that. And it went down to me owing$70 currently.

SPEAKER_07 55:15

Holy like that is watching that number go down for me. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 55:19

And there's still more deductions I need to put in. So I'm gonna get a return. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_06 55:24

Hell yeah, brother. That was the worst part about working at the Shakespeare Festival is they don't do the they like give you all the money.

SPEAKER_07 55:30

Yeah, they I don't know the cards. 1099s.

SPEAKER_06 55:33

Yes, they do the 1099s, and it's like I didn't realize that the first year I got that's the problem. It was it sucked, and then it's like, you know, and I'm so used to like being in college and getting like the college credits and stuff, and so then it was just like then like truth becomes a little more subjective at that point, you know, where you're just like I probably had to drive this far to work, and you know, yeah, and all that stuff. You hear that IRS agents? Audit makeup. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead and do it because uh if you don't if you if you think I don't have an argument for every digit I put in the street. I do. I do I have an argument for every digit.

SPEAKER_12 56:08

I was I was using an app to track my miles for the last two years while I was an Uber driver, and it gets annoying, but I did it. I was diligent, and now I have proof of every single mile I drove. Nice. Nice. It was it was definitely worth it.

SPEAKER_07 56:21

Uh what about the ones you went backwards? The what the what? Like when you're driving forwards and the speedometer's going up. What about the ones when you went backwards? This is not Looney Tunes.

SPEAKER_12 56:30

Yeah, yeah. This is not what's the movie? Ferris Buhler. Fairler's. Ferris Bueller does it. I was actually specifically thinking of a Looney Tunes movie from the 90s.

SPEAKER_07 56:38

I was thinking about Bojack Horseman.

SPEAKER_12 56:39

Uh huh. Are they doing Bojack Horseman too?

SPEAKER_07 56:41

Yeah, there's the part where the girl where the girl crashes her dad's car and she's like, I'm gonna drive it backwards. Oh, that's right. You don't remember that.

SPEAKER_12 56:48

Wow, it's a trope.

SPEAKER_06 56:50

It's been in three things, so it's a trope. Is that I feel like if it gets in Bojack, then it is already a trope. That's true.

SPEAKER_07 56:55

I mean, there's the whole improv bit in Bojack. So it's definitely a proof. Well, this is great.

SPEAKER_12 57:01

Maybe we move on to the Let's keep talking about random TV shows and movies we've seen. That's so fun. Yeah. People actually pay every podcast.

SPEAKER_06 57:10

You guys seen one hour photo with Robin Williams? I have actually.

SPEAKER_01 57:13

That movie is scary. That movie's crazy. Yeah, it's genuinely scraping.

SPEAKER_07 57:17

You're following a Knicks trap, Derek? Have you guys seen the drama yet? No, I haven't.

SPEAKER_12 57:23

But don't tell me anything about it because I've specifically been told that I shouldn't know anything about it.

SPEAKER_07 57:27

Don't know anything. I didn't know anything. So glad I didn't know anything. I don't know anything. So don't go see it after this. It's gonna be like 1 a.m. So go and uh do it. I work at I work early tomorrow.

SPEAKER_06 57:39

I work at five, so oh damn, five? You beat me. You beat me work 7:30. Get up earlier, dog.

SPEAKER_12 57:48

I'm not getting up until like 11 tomorrow. You I don't have anything until we go disc golfing tomorrow afternoon. Hell yeah, brother.

SPEAKER_07 57:57

I've been really, really much. Like a month and a half. Nick, you also disc golf. I do, yeah. What course do you guys go into? Creekside is the best.

SPEAKER_12 58:05

It was it was did you know that Creekside was a top three played course in the world last year? Whoa. I did not know.

SPEAKER_06 58:11

Right here in the Salt Lake Valley, one of the top three disc golf courses in the entire world. That's cool. I uh I started disc golfing on my mission uh and I and in Michigan. Isn't that not allowed? Maybe it's a week, right? I'm P-Day. On P-Day is what we would stay. But we would we would twist the rules. We'd be like, we'd take a Book of Mormon with us, we would stay in our and be like, we're like, oh, we're proslighting the public. And then we would like try to target a single guy with his headphones in that like wanted to be disc golfing by himself, and we'd be like, hey, can we play this one with you?

SPEAKER_12 58:44

Anyway, Joseph Smith, you know, like this is a great We find ourselves at the gym where two LDS missionaries are parocytizing air quotes.

SPEAKER_06 59:00

Hey, uh my name's Elder Jones. Uh you're actually gonna you're actually gonna pull a muscle if you keep uh if you keep straining like that. Sure. I'm Elder Mason. Yeah, this is my companion Elder Mason.

SPEAKER_07 59:13

I'm sorry, I had my headphone in. What?

SPEAKER_06 59:15

Yeah, uh just uh did you stretch? We noticed did you stretch before Why are you guys looking at the missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ at Latter-day Sanders? Um you're about to be. Yeah, you're about to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, interesting. Um what are you saying?

SPEAKER_07 59:29

I'm gonna stretch, I'm gonna stretch what I I've been bummed.

SPEAKER_06 59:32

Oh, well, you just we noticed you didn't stretch, right? So you didn't um uh I stretched before I came.

SPEAKER_12 59:38

So And here's the thing. We might be in full suit and tie right now, right? But we can show you what you're doing wrong. Show me that.

SPEAKER_06 59:46

Yeah, so so basically faith is a muscle, right? Oh. Okay, uh maybe faith is like your deltoids, right?

SPEAKER_10 59:53

Yeah, so watch me sit in this in this uh contraption, this gym contraption. What's it called? Uh it's who knows? No, it's machine number seven.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:01

It's machine number six.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:02

Machine number seven. Go to that. Okay, wait, no.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:03

The one where you put in your arm like this, and then you do that.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:06

Yeah, but but tell me what it's called if you're so smart.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:09

Why do why do I need to why do I need to know the name of every single machine? Just uh read it.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:13

Read it. It's on the machine.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:14

Yeah, read the number, read the machine. Machine number seven. Machine number seven. Welcome to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Do you want to get baptized? Okay. Do we shake hands? Sorry, I'm a new missionary. I don't know how this works. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:26

Look at this, but we just had COVID. Okay, so hand them the hand him the book of foreign.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:30

I forgot it's 2021. Okay. Hand him the book of the morning. Okay, here's a book of Mormon. All right.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:35

Do I use this to wipe the sweat off my forehead? Oh, well, that's one use. That you could, but you might go to hell for it. Whoa.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:42

But also in a way, God is always wiping the sweat off your brows.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:46

Guess what, Bubba? You can repent. What did you call me? I called you Bubba.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:50

Wow, no one's ever called me that since my dad died.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:52

Yeah, well, the spirit told me to because Spirit explains. Perhaps your dad, you know, wants you to listen to what we're saying, Bubba. Wait. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:03

You could actually talk to my dad right now.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:06

Perhaps that's what's happening. Is that what's happening?

unknown 1:01:09

I don't know. Shh.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:10

Wait, wait, wait. Can you talk to my dad right now?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:14

Um, I can do my best.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:16

Can you bring him in? Can I talk to him? Can I give him a send him a message?

SPEAKER_11 1:01:19

Oh, he's he's he's he's busy. He's busy.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:22

Well, because there's like a lot of things going on in his life. Uh you know, right?

SPEAKER_08 1:01:25

Can you tell him to fuck off? Um because I can't handle him being back. Can I say that Book of Mormon for a second? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he said it again. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:38

He said it again. So He killed eight people. I what I can what I can tell him is uh to fetch off. I can tell him to frick off.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:46

Oh that's probably not impactful enough. Can you not say fuck? Probably not. Well, you know, if I join your your cult, do I get to say fuck?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:55

Well, here's the deal. Yes, he might have killed eight people, but we uh did a little baptism for him. What? And so he might be okay, and maybe you should speak a little nicer about your own.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:07

So you're telling me you're telling me that you went the whole nine yards and you baptized my father, who murdered eight people in cold blood. Okay, Bubba. Okay, stop calling me Bubba now.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:19

Okay, okay. We're not on that level, right? No. Okay. I apologize. I overstepped. All right. Is this how it usually goes? Yeah. This is how it always goes. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:28

So I can I smoke cigarettes?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:30

Um well, you know what? Uh I was thinking about picking that up on my way home, so well. It's gonna hurt your body, and do you think God wants that? Do you think God wants you to hurt your body? I mean he might. It's kind of a twist. See, you're probably s praying to the wrong God if you think he's a D word. What? Yeah, what's up?

SPEAKER_12 1:02:50

I feel like this guy might be a lost cause. We've now proselytized one person. Can we just have a full gym day now?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:56

Um, Elder Mason, this guy's in the palm of my hand.

SPEAKER_12 1:02:59

But we talked about we just had to proselytize one person and then we could and then we could just use the gym. We could just go to the gym.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:06

That's why we're at the gym. He's got one foot in the font right now, okay? You're not seeing what I'm seeing. Okay. Okay. Hey, uh, hey, friend. What? Um You didn't have a spotter or anything. You did not have a spotter, and uh and that's a little unsafe. And uh kind of like the sp Holy Spirit is kind of like a spotter who's spot mirror all the time. Well, you have to do the things that are required in order to get them there, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:34

So we started this whole conversation up with you like giving me a tip on how to not like sprain something. What was that? What was that about? Why would you talk to me? Are you guys?

SPEAKER_06 1:03:42

Well, so that was an excuse for us to uh to deliver our message to you. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:03:47

And also so that we could just use the gym because we're not normally allowed to do that.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:50

Yeah, it kind of seems like this guy really wants to use the gym and you really want to tell me about God.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:54

I just want to have a gym day.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:56

Have a purpose to serve, and and and we can do that at the same time, okay? Why don't we eat spotcha? Okay. You spot us. I literally came here on my own for a reason. What to injure yourself because you don't have a frickin' spotter? Whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:13

Please just feel like you're getting a little please, please, please, please, please. I heard that if I spray you with water, you die. Is this true? Is that true? No. That that one I mean you can try it. Man.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:26

Oh, whoa. Well, that was crazy. You okay?

SPEAKER_07 1:04:28

Oh no, he's fine.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:29

Sorry, I just got really into it. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:32

But aren't you sinners now because you're wet? It's like against you. Are we sinners now because we're wet?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:37

Well, we are all sinners. Okay. Let's get let's get it. Okay, what's the worst thing you ever did? Elder Mason? Well, it's it's wiped clean from my from my my record.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:47

Because I've seen the movie God's Army 3, and in that movie, the missionary in there like tries to kill himself and has sex with some lady. Is that true? Have you guys done that?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:55

Is that something like that? Have we tried to kill ourselves and had sex with that lady?

SPEAKER_07 1:05:01

I feel like we just gotta get out of here. That's true, by the way.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:05

That happened in that movie. God's Army.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:07

I didn't know there was more than one. I think it's God's Army 2 or 3. Yeah. I remember watching this movie was as a kid, and my mom was like so excited. She put on God's Army 2. Holy smokes. And we're sitting there, and I remember the look on my mom's face when the guy like sneaks out of the window and goes and tries to have sex with this woman, or does, and then he sneaks back in and then like tries to slit his he slits his wrist. Because of the guilt? Wow. Because of the guilt.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:30

So there, I mean, there are missionaries that like sneak off and do that like all the time. There's a bunch of them in my mission. And like, you know.

SPEAKER_12 1:05:38

I did not serve a mission. Oh, nice. Me did it.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:41

I was married in the Mormon temple, though. Oh, congrats. Heck yeah. Well long time ago. Hey. Things changed. Things changed for me. 13 years ago. Uh that did feel ex very similar to like what I was gonna say, you were definitely using language that I know. I it's been so long since I've even like a sister on a mission right now. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it feels and it I feel like three nephews on mission. This thing too, and it's like, let me try to build a parable out of whatever's happening right now. It's actually improv. Yeah, it is. Oh, it's super improv for sure.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:15

I is actually I one, I was impressed with you. Two, incredibly triggered at times through that whole improv bet. I was like, oh my god, this hurts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair, that's fair, that's fair. I remember right before. So when I turn 19, obviously everyone's head turns to you. Which like you you both experienced. Like and and anyone who isn't from the US Utah culture, you probably don't understand as much, but it's like super, super heavily expected that when you turn 19, you go and serve the Lord and preach his gospel, and I'm gonna cough. You're welcome. Yep.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:50

Nice, nice.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:52

Damn. That was fun. Anyway, so I remember when I turned 19, I was dating my wife at the time, and I did not fully want to go on a mission because I didn't know how much I believed in the church. And so I was like, Well, well, let's get married. So I proposed to her, she said yes, and I was like, I have to get married in the temple. And I remember standing at the pulpit of my church the next week saying, I'm not going on a mission, and let me justify it. And I bullshitted that crowd so hard, I got tears going. People were listening to me with every fiber of their being basically being like, This guy believes so heavily that he is not gonna go on a mission and he's gonna spread the word of God because he's getting married. And I I remember specifically I told a story about where I was working at the time, and I was like, There's people there who were lost sheep, and I'm going to bring them to the fold. Wow. Yeah. It was awesome.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:49

I've done I've done similar things. Oh, I'm sure, yeah. I've done similar things. Yeah. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:54

No time to get into it here, but but and in fact, we're we're winded down on time, and there's a really important thing that we haven't done yet. I'm just having a nice time talking to Nick. I I understand.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:05

I understand. I was having a nice time.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:06

Also, Dan, it's been like a month since we've recorded one of these, so I was a lot in the chamber. Yeah, I get it. We didn't even talk about Goldfish Squad, my sick ass shirt.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:16

You're gonna have to bring it up in the next episode.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:17

You're gonna have to bring it up in the next episode. I'll just keep wearing it until we record it yet. You're gonna have to do it in the next episode. Nick. Yeah. It's time. The time has come for you to step up to our sodium podium.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:31

Is that a metaphorical thing, or do I need it? It's whatever it is. Step up. Yeah, you should probably step up. There it is.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:37

Thank you. And if you would be so kind, in one word or less, describe salt.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:46

Savory. Savory. Hold on.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:49

Hold the s isn't on the list. Hold on. Hold on the pose. I can't remember. Pose the hold. Pose the hold. Everybody hold the phone. I feel like, I feel like no. Hold on.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:01

Hold on. I feel like savory was said at our live show a few weeks ago, but that means it's not on the official count. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:09

We have had umami, which is the same word in Japanese, but it does not count. We are set. Savory is the word. Thank you for that lovely word.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:18

Close call. I know. Well, I I listened in Jackson's episode and he said something that was already said, and I was like, I can't be made. I'm still the only person that's ever repeated a word.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:27

Oh man.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:28

See, and I'm weird. Which is crazy. We're 28 in now. It is kind of funny. Okay, you did it.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:32

It's kind of fun to put us on the spot though, where we have to like make up a punishment. That is true. Anyway, savory. Savory. Savory. Savory.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:40

Okay, I get to bring up on the podcast now the same thing that I brought up at the live show. Yeah. Because to me, but I've also learned more about I've done more research on this since then. That's hot. To me, when somebody said savory at our live show, my initial reaction was thank you so much for the word. What the hell are you talking about? Okay. Why? Because savory and salty are two different tastes to me. They are, yeah, yeah. They literally are.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:11

I think that's fair. There are different taste bud receptors for savory food and salty food.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:15

I have since learned that savory is kind of a filler word for multiple different tastes. Okay, yes. That is also true. From a linguistic standpoint, salty being one of them. So I was wrong. I was just wrong. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:29

Interesting. Okay, yeah, that is technically true. But when you say savory, there is a specific like deepness to flavor that you eat. Yes. That is like, in my mind, when something is savory, it is not salty at all.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:42

And I and I and I guess I'm saying your word fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:45

Listen, I I was playing it safe with that one. No, you were. No, you weren't. You've contributed to the list. I was thinking very, very like uh because it's like salty. Would you say salty is opposite to sweet or is savory opposite to sweet?

SPEAKER_12 1:10:58

I don't know. That's the thing. They're all adjacent. To me, yeah. To me, the the the quote unquote five tastes are all pretty. I don't know there there's one that's like opposite of another. They're all kind of just five different things. Yep. In a way, they're all spectrum. It's like a it's not a dichotomy. It's like there's five different things.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:18

And it is based off the your taste receptors in your mouth. Yeah. There are five different things that you're mouth and I don't believe in that type of thing.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:26

I just want to say it. You don't believe in tongues or the gift of tongues? No.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:31

Tongues in general? I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:33

It's bound. Well, it's just like I don't know. I hate thinking it because it's like uh we're told that like scent is a sense, but isn't it just like an extension of our taste, right?

SPEAKER_07 1:11:45

In a sense, yeah. Oh, it is all connected. Yeah. It's all it's all connected to the case. Because if you can't smell, you can't taste.

SPEAKER_12 1:11:50

I mean that's that's the other thing. Right. This also brings up the the concept of I I'm a firm believer that there are more than five senses. Okay. Uh I think it was one of it was like Aristotle or something. What a guy. He was like, there's twenty-nine senses. And he names them all. Does he really? Yeah. Like decimal names. I don't know about twenty-nine, but I do believe that there is more than five senses, and they're all connected. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Like some are less connected to each other than others. Like, touch and sight aren't really I don't know. There's not really an overlap. Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:27

There are 22 to 33 senses. Yeah, it just depends. According to Aristotle, or like this is theoretical according to a Reddit article. Oh, okay. Okay, there we go. So it must be real. It's just one of those things that's hard to really define. I mean, you got light touch, you got pressure, you got cutaceous, you got to do that.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:44

Yeah, I know but I think that because feel is like such a general thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:49

I mean, I feel like feel covers 90% of these.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:51

Yes, yes. Like I think it'd be because it's like or touch, you know, it's like because there's sensations you can have that it's like you're not touching anything, but you certainly feel the sensation. Or you know what I'm saying? Like it's like a physical, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:05

Yeah, if you're like emotionally moved by something, that's that's feeling something, but you're not sure.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:10

It's all kind of subjective though. I like in this like graph that I'm looking at, it has like the radical senses, the accepted sentences, and then conservative senses. I'm interested, I'm interested here because they they put umami as a radical sense. Yeah, not as an accepted sense, but I thought it was wildly accepted. So this is actually incredibly racist. Uh uh. Oh, oh. Cool fun fact that I just made. Um anyway, savory. Savory. We're back to savory.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:42

Okay. Okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna subject your word to the same test that I said earlier.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:48

It fails that test.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:49

You think so? If I said, hey, grab that thing over there for me, and they were like, which thing? Describe and I said the savory thing.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:56

Right, right. But they don't taste it to even know, right? If they don't know what salt is, that would suck if they grabbed the RC. I maybe I'm thinking too hard about this, but it's like if we're talking about like how to describe it in that scenario, it would they would use sight, probably most. So you'd have to describe the way it looks.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:15

True, true. That's true. Taste all the things in front of you and tell me which one's savory.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The most savory thing, bring it over.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:23

Okay, but if someone sprinkled a little bit of salt, just salt on your tongue, would you be like, oh, shavery.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:29

If if you didn't know anything salty, I feel like you might, right? I don't know. That that I I didn't think super hard about it. But hey, don't don't diminish.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:38

That's great.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:39

That's why we're gonna that's why we're gonna be able to milk like 800 episodes out of this podcast. It's because it's just you didn't know. We can use all of those. Yeah. Eventually we will. Eventually we will. Yeah. Uh okay. Because here's here's what I think of when I think of savory first. I think of meat. Yeah. But I think of salted meat. Yeah. I don't I don't know. Like if I think of like raw meat, no, that's still savory. That's obviously still savory. It also got salt on it. That's true. There's there's already meat doesn't have salt, I guess. Yeah, it can it has it has trace amounts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:18

But uh that animal licked a salt at one point. Uh-huh. Can't wait. Can't wait. We take you now to the farm where the farmer is putting out the fresh salt licks for the animals to lick.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:33

I'm a horse and I can't wait. Oh man! I'm a pig and I can't wait.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:38

Yeah, you guys you guys are ready? You guys ready for your lick? I'm ready, farmer Joe. I'm ready. Alrighty. Uh listen, guys. Um what's up? The relationship has felt pretty transactional lately. What? Just before I give you guys this lick, um I don't know. I just feel like maybe you guys uh wouldn't hang around me if I wasn't given you, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:04

I mean, you keep us in this cage.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:07

Yeah. Come on, boarded up. I got more room than the pig, but but it I'm Well, because I value you more than the pig. What?

SPEAKER_12 1:16:14

Because I let you ride me. Hold on, you can ride me.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:16

Get over it. Well, I do you really want that? I got them on a saddle me up, put 'em, put them on. Okay. Well, you know, we can talk about that.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:24

But that would that does continue to be transactional. I think we need to have a lot of things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:29

See, like, I don't know. I feel like I want to hang out, watch the game. Would you want to do that?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:34

I'd drink a beer, put in a little bowl, I'll lap it up.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:37

Okay, well, I I that feels a little unethical from human standards, but we can't. I'm also not really a beer guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:44

You sent me that leg like a week ago.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:46

Well, that was more of an experiment. That was more of a personal experiment. I did like it.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:51

I'm sorry, is that why the cow only has three legs now?

SPEAKER_06 1:16:54

Yeah. That was a cow leg. Well, the I didn't do it for the experiment, okay? The cow was being a dingus and, you know, stepped in a bear trap, and then I, you know, did the moral thing, and then I said, I wonder if you know, I wonder if uh cow doesn't talk much, so I I d I didn't know any of that.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:12

I I I apologize for being judgmental. I think the the cow's a moote. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:20

Pig in the cool. We know, we know. Hey, hey, I want to support you in that.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:26

I will say, you know, this is probably comedy at the barn's hard. Sure, sure. Um anyway, you know. Sorry, sorry to get on that tangent. I just I f I you know uh I want to feel because like if I did open these cages, right? If I let you come watch the game, are you running away? Or are you staying, you know? Have we developed something where you trust me? Okay. I mean at this point, you're the one who provides us our licks.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:53

I mean, and and hey, yeah, if you if you'd allow me to to I haven't really thought this option through, but if you'd allow me to think it through real fast, Carl.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:02

What would happen if you're gonna be able to do that? Carl, maybe we have a side.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:06

Listen. Can we talk about it? Okay, we'd just like to go for it, go for it. We know that I'm I'm in a sensitive place right now. Yeah, it's I haven't seen Mary around in a while. How's Mary doing? Okay, well, okay. Okay. So I guess uh you could say, you know, opening the gates is kind of what we did. You know, we we opened our marriage, okay? Oh, yeah. And um and I said to myself, you know, marriage is still a thing me as a horse.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:33

I'm starting, I can't really wrap my head around.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:35

Yeah, well, well, we kind of just fuck everybody the same way. I'm starting to feel the same fucking way about marriage.

SPEAKER_12 1:18:41

Okay, hey, can I open the game?

SPEAKER_11 1:18:42

Hey, hey, hey.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:43

Uh yeah, she just took off running. She took off running. Oh my. Right? And now I feel like we would do that to you guys. Would you guys take off running? You know, if I gave you that if I opened up the gates, right? And and and you said, you know, uh maybe I'll take off running, but I'll be back, right? Because we have this agreement. Would you guys would you guys return or would you just take off, you know? Okay, I do need I do especially need that sidebar now.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:11

Yeah, let's just want to say, hey, I know you're a sensitive place. We but this horse and this pig, we got you. So here's the thing. Here's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:21

Yeah. I do yearn for the freedom of the open range.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:25

See, I don't because I don't I don't have a hard time getting food. I'm very fat. I think they're gonna cook me and eat me soon. They they definitely are. Um, do that to me. He keeps giving me legs. I mean, and one time there was a human leg in there. He needed not bring that up, but there was a human leg in there, and I did eat that. But hey, you know what?

SPEAKER_12 1:19:43

And actually, that gives you the fact that they're gonna eat you eventually, that gives you purpose. When I die, they're gonna shoot me in the head and they're gonna bury me in a shallow cake. Like they did to Philip. Like they did to Philip. The only other horse I've ever known. Yeah. It was really sad when Philip died.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:59

Uh really sad. Shot in front of me. Really extreme out of it. Right in front of me. It just exploded everywhere. There was so much horseblood. But here's the thing.

SPEAKER_12 1:20:09

He did taste delicious afterwards, though. They put him in my truck. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I know you did. I spit out his horseshoes like toothpicks.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:17

You we I did notice that actually. I cooked him up. I made him a little crab cakes, but horse beat. The horse shoes? Horse shoes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:20:25

Yeah, I grilled them. You grilled the horseshoes? I didn't know that. I didn't know you knew how to make fire. Yeah, dude, watch this. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:39

This is new. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys, you guys say you're doing a sidebar. You starting a fire? You're starting a fire. How am I supposed to trust you guys? How did your sidebar turn into a fire? How did your sidebar turn into a fire?

SPEAKER_12 1:20:51

Farmer Joe. Farmer Joe. We've got bigger, bigger fish to fry right now. Yeah, we do. Get me a fish. I'll fry it right now. He can fry fish. Did you know this about your pig?

SPEAKER_11 1:21:03

He can just clap his little hooves together and make fire. I didn't. This seems way bigger than anything else we've been talking about, respectfully.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:11

I've been trying to tell you for years, dude. I've been living.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:13

Like you never told me.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:15

Well, you never listen. All you want to talk about is running for I sorry. Running what? Running around in his pasture.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:22

I love running pasture and in the past. I feel nice and looking at the completely satisfied by the pasture, and you don't need anywhere else to run. And he loves the salt lake. Maybe if you wanted to try running other places, you'd come back because the pasture is what you prefer and what you like, and that's why you're here.

SPEAKER_12 1:21:38

If I had left, yeah, I would probably come back, but I never would because I love it here so much.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:42

And he's devoted so much of his life to the pasture, and he loves the pasture. He gave the pasture a ring of walking. He walked in a ring. Okay. Yeah. Metaphorically. Anyway. Can we get back to the fire? I've been watching a lot of the Gordon Ramsay rat. And I really admire him and his family. And I admire what he does.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:02

You got a view of the TV from your pen?

SPEAKER_07 1:22:04

Yeah, it's just like over there. I can't see it from over here. Well, you gotta be over in my pen. Okay, whatever, whatever. And that's how I know that you've given me many human legs because I never see Gordon Ramsay cook legs. Okay. And it seems like the knowledge of cooking has been transferred from those human legs into my body, and now I can make fire by clapping my hooves together.

SPEAKER_12 1:22:26

Can humans clap and make fire?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:28

No, no, I'm but wizards can, and those are the legs that you you ate. You ate some legs. You ate some wizard legs.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:35

Wait, can I do any other spells?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:37

I don't know why you're asking me this. I am not a wizard, okay? I hate wizards.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:41

Oh, is that why I keep eating them? That is why you keep them. Wait, is your wife fucking wizards?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:48

Hey, pig. Listen.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:52

That thing's so abrasive. I'm sorry. I've been watching a lot of Gordon Ramsay. I can't very abrasive. They are. Okay? I can't be what they are. Well, if you tried to clap your hands together.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:01

No fire.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:02

You only clap your hands together.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:03

I can't believe you just made me do that. If you clap five times, that is humiliating.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:08

You think I haven't tried? You think I haven't fucking tried. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:11

I'm starting to really side with Farmer Joe right now. You're starting to skip a pig. We're all in the same team. We're on the same team. I just want to sit and drink a beer and watch the wizard. I just fed you those wizard legs. Why didn't you give me more? I'm really hungry for them. They're delicious.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:25

Well, I also fed you the leg of a judge, and so you should know what's fair here. Okay. That explains that.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:31

I really, really love Judge Judy. That also explains the long locks of white hair you've been growing. I love my gavel. I have one back in my room. Want me to go grab it?

SPEAKER_07 1:23:40

I go grab it.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:42

I don't have a room.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:43

Listen.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:43

What is going on with the job?

SPEAKER_06 1:23:44

Listen, check out my gavel. You like that? His entitlement has has gone up incredibly since the time. Order in the court in these legs.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:51

Should I start eating legs and orange dudes? Objection to you.

SPEAKER_12 1:23:54

I would never I don't think I can digest them properly. Objection?

SPEAKER_07 1:23:58

Oh, great. Give me more legs. I really want more wizard legs. Uh Porky, may I may I approach the bench, please? Please go and come on. All right, listen. Wait, you're saying you're not a wizard? I'm not a wizard. I don't want your legs.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:11

I hate wizards for what they did to me and my marriage.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:14

Should do me a favor. Kill another wizard and bring me his legs.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:19

I am starting to worry about the power that you hold. I can just make fire. I am I see uh I believe God intended for me to have dominion over you.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:29

I have talked to God and he said that I actually reign supreme.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:33

You fed him Saint Peter. He can talk to God and no way.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:37

St. Peter was sleeping with my wife.

SPEAKER_09 1:24:42

No, don't end it.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:45

Why did you end it? We're building such a beautiful ability. St.

SPEAKER_12 1:24:49

Peter was sleeping with my wife. St.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:51

Peter was sleeping with my wife is one of the greatest buttons. It's a crazy button. I was having a lot of fun as that pig character. I wanted to keep eating wizard legs. I was literally like when I clapped my fingers together, my hands together, I wasn't doing a magic spell. I was like trying to start fire with the biggest. I know. I know. But it was insane. That's the best part of improvism. Anyway, that's fun. That was fun. Well, Nick, it's been a blast, man. It has been. I can't believe we've come to the end of this wonderful episode.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:20

You are in 26 or 7 minute episode. I can't believe it. Six, seven?

SPEAKER_06 1:25:25

What?

SPEAKER_12 1:25:26

Dude. The whole episode's tainted now. Yeah. It's dead.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:33

At least I said it like a question.

SPEAKER_12 1:25:34

Thanks for being on the worst episode, Nick. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:37

Thanks for being here. Well, Nick, uh, one more time. Will you look directly into the camera and tell people where they can find you, who you are, why you are, where you're going.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:47

Uh my name's Nick Donalter. I'm a comedian here in Salt Lake area. Uh Unleaded85 is my sketch channel TikTok. Unleaded. If you want to be impressed, like I get numbers on TikTok, okay? Oh yeah, Doctor. Uh, and if you want the full form content, my YouTube is where like that's I when I write my sketches, I intend them to be on YouTube. So but I have a lot. I don't do numbers on YouTube, but it's harder. Probably after this, I will. Probably after this. Yeah, we'll get you.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:19

Everybody go watch them on YouTube Shorts. That's right. Nowhere else. Yeah. Uh and then check out your short film. Yeah, yeah. Alternative Gods. Yeah. Yeah. That's great.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:28

All about support here. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:30

We're like a big old bra. Yeah, we're going to rewire support. This is coming out before the 24th of April.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:36

I have a I have a show on the 24th of April.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:38

Yes, actually, this will release somewhere in the next week.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:42

It's either tomorrow or next Thursday.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:44

Whoa, okay. I got a show at uh the Alliance Theater uh through ISL. Nice. Um I'm super stressed about it. I have cast three sketches that I have not finished writing. Oh man. That are gonna be live and we're gonna shoot it there. Nice. Hell yeah. If I get too stressed out, then then we're gonna do something else. But that's the plan. It's great. That's where we did our live show. Yeah, yeah. It's nice. That's it's a good it's a good little spot. Good little place. It's a little fun. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:12

Very cool. Well, look forward to that. Go check that out. I'm sure you'll post about that on your socials as well. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:18

What day of the week is that? Is that a you know? I should know that. What day? What was it? 24th? I think it's a July or Saturday. I want to say Friday.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:27

It's a Friday, which means I might be able to go. 24th I can actually do things. April, yeah. Friday. Okay. Yeah, maybe we'll come. I'll give it a mine. Maybe we'll go. I'll follow you on Instagram and find out. Cool. You can already follow me on Instagram. No, I literally talked about this. We just met today.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:46

Two hours ago. All right. Well, Nick, will you do me a favor? I don't have a sign off for this podcast. And this is the worst bit of the podcast, but I love it. So will you give me a sign off?

SPEAKER_06 1:27:56

Yeah, just like uh I've I've already got a sign off.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:58

You'll find out what it is in a Minute, but you just gotta give him a catchphrase.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:03

Okay. Um keep it tucked in. Keep it tucked in and stay safe.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:12

I like that a lot.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:13

That looks really good. All right. One more question for you, and then we're getting you out the door. Uh what's your goal for the week? Goal for the week?

SPEAKER_06 1:28:21

Man, uh I need to I need to finish these three sketches that I that I have cast and and should really be written, you know. Now you've said it on a podcast.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:33

It's gonna happen. All right.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:35

I hope so. I've been trying to make it happen, but it's gonna happen. Thanks.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:40

I believe in you.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:41

Thank you guys.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:41

Derek, what's your goal for the week? My goal for the week. You know, my goal for the week is simple. I'm just gonna get out of bed every day. Nice. And I'm gonna actually sleep through the night. On that grind set. Nice, nice. Because uh, I'm gonna put my shoulder to the wheel.

SPEAKER_09 1:28:58

I'm gonna push along. Beautiful. Push along.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:01

Yep. Cool. Yeah, dog. I'm gonna do your taxes. That's my goal for the week. Will you please, for the love of God? Mine are gone. They're out the window. Will your brother come and do my taxes? Probably not. But actually, well, genuinely, he might because he just loves doing them. Wait, it's crazy. Can I pay your brother to do my taxes? Doing taxes. No, legally, no. Actually.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:21

Can it be like one of those prostitution situations where like he does my taxes and then we film it? So I'm like, this is for this is for tax porn. I feel like you just double down onto the no, no. Isn't that a thing? There's like a thing about prostitution, you can't prostitute, but then people are like, we're filming it.

SPEAKER_06 1:29:40

You can pay an actor, but you can't. It has to be acting. Oh, oh.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:45

So it's never real. It's not.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:50

Derek, why don't you sign us off?

SPEAKER_07 1:29:52

Well, guys, uh uh uh tuck it in and stay safe out there. Keep it tight. Keep it tight. I can't remember what I said. Tuck it in.

SPEAKER_06 1:30:00

I don't even know what that means.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:02

For once I said it right and you second guessed to the game. I don't know that you did. We're gonna find out later. And we will catch you on the flip side. Bye.