32 - ENABLER (w/David Liddell Thorpe)

Transcript

SPEAKER_09 0:00

Throughout time, philosophers have befuddledly wondered aloud the answer to one simple question. How do you describe salt without saying salty? Today, in this very podcast studio, two non-philosophers will attempt to answer that question with the help of some special guests and the time-tested medium of long form improv. Whether or not that improv will actually have anything to do with the topic at hand is frankly not up in the air. It won't have anything to do with it. But you'll still want to listen anyway. Welcome to Describe Salt. Derek? Yes, Dan. I have something important to say. You're bringing it to the table? Yeah. I just want to start this episode, and you're gonna You're gonna you're gonna scoff at first. Sure. I just want to start this episode by saying something very important. Okay. I am having a really bad day. Oh Dan. And I just wanna I just wanna say that because we can still do you don't you don't have to hide that's the thing I like about improv. You don't have to hide anything. You can and depression becomes happiness. Um I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed. I just wanna I also want to clarify, I'm not depressed. I'm just I'm just having a bad day. I'm just a really bad day, it's a really bad long day. Okay, Dan. Yes. First, I'm gonna stop touching your gain knob. Okay. I would appreciate that.

SPEAKER_04 1:44

That was the that was actually the final straw on why I was having a bad day. Second, um, I'm gonna tell you that it's okay. Okay. And you have 32 minutes left of the day before it transitions into the next day. It's not gonna feel like that because we we will still be recording the podcast. Yes, but in th that's it that's another tenet of improv, the yes but. The yes but yes, but in 32 minutes, it will no longer be the bad day that you're having. Yeah, sure. And then you can sing, well, I had a bad day.

SPEAKER_06 2:18

Is it permissible for me to do my Duolingo before midnight on this podcast?

SPEAKER_04 2:24

Go for it. Go for it. This is a great this is a great chance. I I think that's an awesome idea. Um I'm Derek, and this is a podcast about improv.

SPEAKER_09 2:32

And I'm Dan, and this is a podcast about improv. And I'm having a uh uh it's slightly better day now because of attack improv. This is my oh I forget they have chess now.

SPEAKER_06 2:44

This is my chess. Chess is the fastest one to do before midnight.

SPEAKER_09 2:48

Okay. Okay I mean we got plenty of time before midnight. Yeah, you got 32 minutes. Do you also have Duolingo, Dan?

SPEAKER_06 2:53

No.

SPEAKER_09 2:54

I don't. No. I got it for free through Uber two years ago. Uh and then like a year's and couldn't move. Check me, then take my rope. Okay, no, no, no. I'm having I'm having a good day. I got a year's subscription to Duolingo. And then I never used it. I never I never used it once. So what what do you say what do you say about that?

SPEAKER_04 3:19

I love it so much. Has it already lapsed? Oh yeah, it's gone. Okay. It's long gone. Listener at home, you may be wondering who that sultry voice is who's working on their Duolingo. And that is our Duolingo expert who we brought on.

unknown 3:33

You know what to do.

SPEAKER_04 3:35

You can introduce him. It's Philip. I mean, he's in the middle of something, but yeah, I don't really want to bother him. He's really locked in. Uh Dan, do you have any anecdotes? Do I have an anecdote about Duolingo? Uh I kind of told my one Duolingo anecdote already. Uh the bird is terrifying and kind of just like a green Furby.

SPEAKER_09 3:54

Kind of just a green Furby. Yeah. Uh much, much wider eyes.

SPEAKER_04 3:59

Oh. I guess that's true.

SPEAKER_09 4:01

And also can be small and can be huge. Can Furbies be small and huge? Or did they?

SPEAKER_04 4:09

This is so good. I'm almost done. You're almost done? Take your time. Uh we got it.

SPEAKER_09 4:14

We we just hey Bishop sliced right through. Bishop sliced right through. Bishop Slice Right. And now, and now Philip can tell us all about the wonders of Duolingo.

SPEAKER_06 4:24

So I really appreciate the chance and the opportunity that you've given me on this platform to come and share the the good news of Duolingo. Um I am the good news. I'm a corporate sponsor for for Duolingo.

SPEAKER_09 4:37

I was gonna say you sounded like a missionary or something.

SPEAKER_06 4:39

Yeah, well, it is a bit like that. I am spreading the message. Tomato tomato. Um Duo's good word to all people and all places. Is that the bird's name? Duo is the bird's name.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

I did not know this.

SPEAKER_06 4:52

Yeah. Um so yeah, the the wonderful thing about Duolingo is that it actually generates electricity. So as you as you use Duolingo, it uses turbines in New Mexico and it generates electricity. And the more people who can use Duolingo, the sooner we can get to 100% zero emissions in America. Okay, okay, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_09 5:20

So you're not implying the way the way you kind of worded it there is I'm starting to think that what you're trying to say is it uses electricity. No, it generates electricity. But but the but don't you need electricity in the first place to use Duolingo?

SPEAKER_06 5:43

Yeah, of course. You use a minimal amount of electricity. Okay. But the more that you use it, our machines in New Mexico, we have this huge Duolingo farm, right? Okay. And every time you have to I'm only getting more questions. Every time you use the app, the machines in New Mexico on our farm come alive. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 6:07

Come alive? Like come alive. Sentient? Please go. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 6:12

Not sentient, but they, you know, they come, they are generated. The the power, the force that they use to move their bodies and to and to start pushing the turbines in the farm all comes from the activity on the apps.

SPEAKER_09 6:26

Are you aware of the the the the term conservation of energy? Yes. So what okay, my question, my next question, from from the from the standpoint of you use energy to do Duolingo, is how does that then prod how does that produce the energy?

SPEAKER_06 6:50

Are you familiar with the way that microphones work and the way that you record audio? Sure. So you know the you're vibrating your vocal cords, right? Sure. And it goes into a very sensitive uh part of the microphone. Sure. And that vibration is translated into electric electrical signals. Using electricity. Correct. And then that's recorded, right? And it's put into a machine, and then eventually that information is put out through a speaker or whatever output thing. Absolutely. And uh using electricity. It's the same concept. Uh exactly. It's the same concept. The more activity you put onto your app gets transformed into uh vibration, essentially. It the energy, the vibration on your app, on your phone, it gets turned into ones and zeros.

SPEAKER_04 7:46

Okay, so that transfers in through the air. Okay, generates electricity. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 7:52

This is a very complicated science science that duo has led us to understand.

SPEAKER_04 7:57

Oh. Yeah. Oh, the bird made this up.

SPEAKER_06 7:59

No, he didn't make it up. He revealed to us.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

Thank you so much for saying that, Derek.

SPEAKER_06 8:04

Uh he revealed to us the truth of how to transform app energy into actual energy.

SPEAKER_04 8:12

Oh. Okay. Using electricity. How do you handle all of the people's complaints in the town next to your farm?

SPEAKER_06 8:21

That's a very sour uh sore point. And uh I'm glad to have the opportunity to talk about it head on. You know? Please. That phrasing was fun. Uh the truth is that there are always going to be people who just can't see the forest for the trees. And they can't understand how the future uh needs, you know, to move in a new direction.

SPEAKER_04 8:45

Which is why Duolingo forked out like $10 million for tinfoil roofs for the neighborhoods.

SPEAKER_06 8:52

We we were trying to do our part. We were trying to help the people, we were trying to address their concerns, but they um they just don't see the vision. You know, our vision is Oh, I would love to hear this.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

I would also love to hear this. Okay. Vision Vision of Duolingo.

SPEAKER_06 9:07

The vision of Duolingo uh is to zero emissions.

SPEAKER_04 9:15

Okay. Yep. That's a great one. That's the first one. Most important. It actually says that right when you pop up in the app. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 9:21

I mean the the people we we tried a lot of different things, right? And people want to learn. That's the that's the energy conservation. You know, I was talking about vibration and conservation of energy. Oh, I remember. That comes through best when people are learning, right? Gotcha, gotcha. That kind of energy in your brain generates the most energy for our machines at the at the farm. So we are going for zero emissions for the whole country uh of America. This is a very American country uh company. I would agree this country is very American. It's a very American company. A little divided. Okay. Uh and that's what we're going for, you know. Like uh, we're very much behind America first. Uh you know. And so the rest of the vision. Oh, yes, sorry. The rest of the vision is uh essentially to um to usher in the utopia.

SPEAKER_09 10:21

My God. Wow. And what is what is Duolingo Utopia look like?

SPEAKER_06 10:27

Uh well, free electricity, obviously. Obviously.

SPEAKER_09 10:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 10:30

Uh flying cars, for sure. Oh it's fun. They essentially want to bring about the vision that you had in the eighties of what the future was going to be like. From the eighties. From the eighties, essentially. So anybody who was around in the 80s, if you don't, if you you know were born in the 90s or the 2000s, the uh the vision essentially is flying cars, free electricity, uh intelligent machines that respond to you like a human and uh don't take over your job, but like support you in your job. And that's the vision of Duolingo to bring about that future.

SPEAKER_04 11:05

That's actually beautiful.

SPEAKER_06 11:06

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 11:07

And you're doing that through the energy.

SPEAKER_06 11:10

Yeah, through our farm. Through the energy through our robot farm in New Mexico.

SPEAKER_09 11:13

So big is that is it the brain waves, is it the brain waves that are turn come turning into energy that are powering the Oh, I was right?

SPEAKER_06 11:23

You were right. And we have found a way to transform brainwave energy through vibrations on fingers onto keyboards, back into energy on keyboards, into brainwave energy, which is what powers the robots.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Okay. Whoa.

SPEAKER_06 11:37

And it is a it's a large farm, it's uh it's growing every day. Um is it? Yeah, yeah, we're we're expanding all the time, which is also making the the the people in our neighboring town um upset.

SPEAKER_09 11:50

Are you familiar with um uh Scientology? No, no, I think you are, you just don't know it. Fascinating.

SPEAKER_04 11:59

Well, this wasn't L. Ron Hubbard on the board of Duolingo for a while.

SPEAKER_06 12:03

Yeah, yeah, he was.

SPEAKER_04 12:04

Oh, he founded Scientology.

SPEAKER_06 12:06

Oh, well, that's new to me.

SPEAKER_04 12:07

Okay, that's news to me. Interesting. Well then, Philip. Uh it's been very informative having you on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

I think I'm gonna uninstall Duolingo, I think. Why would you do that?

SPEAKER_09 12:22

We are bringing about Utopia. The the Utopia, it sounds really cool, dude.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

It sounds really, really cool. And actually, the idea of a Duolingo Utopia is great because it's all races are wonderful. Exactly. Everything is yeah, because it's all language.

SPEAKER_09 12:38

The problem is just like I'm really busy right now.

SPEAKER_06 12:41

I got I got a lot going on. You're you're so but listen, I just finished my str or completed my streak, or like continued my streak, I mean, in five seconds.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

You did 30 seconds. That's true. That was that was real. That was real time.

SPEAKER_06 12:53

And so is everyone gonna be required to be a chess grandmaster or like report is going to be required to become a master at something. Um you don't have to do chess, but you will have to you will be required in the utopia to be a master.

SPEAKER_09 13:13

So it's a technocracy.

SPEAKER_04 13:14

Is English is English on terrifying on dual ego?

SPEAKER_06 13:21

No.

SPEAKER_04 13:22

Why?

SPEAKER_06 13:24

I mean, for the obvious reason that everybody will be speaking English naturally.

SPEAKER_09 13:28

Uh okay, okay, we're checking the boxes. Technocracy, the next step. Uh uh, I guess I'm America first.

SPEAKER_06 13:38

I just want to reiterate.

SPEAKER_09 13:40

We're we're we're we are teetering towards Anglo-Fascism, but okay.

SPEAKER_04 13:44

Wouldn't you want English to be on there so that you could teach people who don't know English English? For the Utopia.

SPEAKER_06 13:53

If you don't understand English already, then you don't have a part of utopia.

SPEAKER_10 14:00

Well, Philip, it's been great having you on. Uh we're gonna go we actually have to end the podcast.

SPEAKER_09 14:06

I think we have to shut it down. Uh but it's but it's been it's been lovely. I can't wait to learn more. I can't wait to uh uh un cancel my trip to New Mexico that I was planning on taking. I don't know if I can do that anymore.

SPEAKER_06 14:19

But uh Yeah, we are limiting access to the state.

SPEAKER_09 14:22

Oh well, okay. I'm glad I was thinking about that already then. Perfect. That explains the Duolingo passport notice, I guess. Uh you you know the way out, Philip. And uh live long and prosper. We'll we'll we'll we'll catch you, we'll catch you another time after we change the name of the podcast and move to uh the East Coast. Uh and we will be right back.

SPEAKER_04 14:44

Who knew that Caspermaster's was working with Duolingo? Who knew that Caspermaster's was working? That's so fascinating. Uh I don't know why I lisped there.

SPEAKER_09 14:54

Why did you bully me? I wasn't bullying, I was trying to yes and your mistake. But that's okay. And uh Philip is gone. Have no fear, but we've got a new guest in the studio.

SPEAKER_06 15:07

Introduce yourself. Hi, my name is David Liddell Thorpe. Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

The biggest They Might Be Giants fan on the world. Oh, really?

SPEAKER_06 15:15

I am a very big They Might Be Giants fan, but I have learned from sad experience that I am not the biggest fan.

SPEAKER_09 15:23

I was gonna say, I did that's one of those bands that has like mega fans.

SPEAKER_06 15:27

Yeah. My friend and I went to um so my friend Steve Aaron, who I love so much. Um, he and I thought we were going to be the biggest fans of all time. And we watched them perform. We traveled with them and watched them in shows. We watched four shows in five days. Wow, wow. And so we traveled from Utah to San Diego to LA, back to Utah, and then up to Idaho. And it was incredible. It was an incredible experience. That was awesome. The whole time we're driving and we're sleeping in the car, and like all these like our car broke down in St. George, and we had to fix it, and it was amazing. Um, but anyways, at the first show, we're like, we're the best fans ever. At the second show, we're like, there's 15 people in the line from last night. But it's San Diego and LA. It's like, oh, it's fine. Then we go to Utah uh to Utah and we're like, oh no, five shows. I'm so sorry. There was three in California. There were five shows. And so we keep seeing the same people at every show. Yeah. And then we start talking to them, and we realize there's some people who like save up all because they might be giants. Thank God. They do shows or they they do a new album every two years. Yeah. And so you're never long without them, you know. Like as a fan, it's incredible. But like these people save up for two years and they literally tour with them as well. And then they just go on the topic. They just go and they and they recover the set lists and they make books of all the set lists, and so like there's all this information. It's incredible. Wow, dang. But I am not the biggest fan. I wish I could, I wish I was. But you're a big one. I'm a big fan.

SPEAKER_09 16:57

That's a big fan. Yeah. That's that's that's still a big deal. Like, I'm I consider myself one of the bigger Beach Boys fans out there, but also I've I've never even seen the Beach Boys, and how could I? I mean, they haven't performed.

SPEAKER_06 17:10

That's an incredibly long time. I really appreciate hearing that you are a Beach Boys fan. Oh, yeah. It's amazing. Beach Boys, okay. So in my mind, they might be giants, are on the upper echelon of like creative genius, and they only share that space with the Beatles and the Beach Boys, and I don't know who else. And I think that that's where that's where they're operating. And I'm not suggesting that for me, my preference is that they're on top, but like for me, it's like Beatles and Beach Boys, those people are on another level.

SPEAKER_04 17:38

I uh I didn't appreciate the Beach Boys, and then when I met Dan, I we were like talking in a room about our favorite bands, and you said that your favorite band was the Beach Boys, and I went home and I listened to a ton of them. Pet Sound is whoa unbelievable. I was blown away.

SPEAKER_09 17:55

Sunflower has an amazing record. Brian Wilson, dude. Honestly, you ever listen? Have you ever listened to uh Dennis Wilson's solo prop project? No, no, it is it is really, really good, and it's really I mean it's really sad to listen to because it's if you listen to it, he technically released an album and then he was gonna release a second one and then he died. Dang. And so they released the unfinished project with a lot of tracks that are that don't have the vocals on it and stuff, and then they even finished some of them. They got uh Taylor Hawkins, who also just tragically passed away a few years ago from Foo Fighters, they got him to come in and record some of the vocals to it. Uh it is it is a really, really good album, and like Dennis Wilson was kind of like kind of like the black sheep of the Beach Boys. He's he's n just wasn't it? Is he the one involved in the Manson family? Yes, very much so. That's a whole other story that I could I could stretch across three different podcast episodes.

SPEAKER_04 18:54

Because yeah, I listened to us, I listened to a podcast about that, and it was crazy.

SPEAKER_09 18:59

He Charles Manson tried to buddied up with him out of and and they like they recorded music that is true lost media because as soon as Dennis Wilson has like broke it off with him, he went and burned it all. He went and just destroyed it all, destroyed the entire studio that they recorded.

SPEAKER_06 19:18

I mean, I I like I understand hundred I understand 100% the motivation to do that. Yeah. But also like I wanna hear that.

SPEAKER_09 19:25

There's also a story that once you mansoon. My my favorite story about those two specifically is that and this is you know, maybe it happened, maybe it didn't. But the story is that Dennis was out of town when everything was coming out in the media that he was actually this insane, awful, terrible person, and he hadn't been arrested yet. And one day Dennis got home to his his private like house that was supposed to be guarded, and he opened the gates, and Charles Manson was just standing at the end of the driveway, and Dennis Wilson got out of the car and said, What are you doing here? And he started walking towards Charles Manson, and Charles Manson, in an attempt to like threaten him, I guess, held up a bullet and was about to say some weird, villainous, threatening thing, and Dennis Wilson just walked up and punched him in the face.

SPEAKER_06 20:15

Oh my god. And that's the story. That's incredible.

SPEAKER_04 20:18

Uh and for how uh powerful uh Charles Manson was, he's such a punchable guy. Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_09 20:26

Yeah, definitely. Like you look at him, you're like, I just want to punch a ragdoll. I mean, the way his shoulders sag, it looks like he just looks like a ragdoll.

SPEAKER_06 20:34

His head is at the perfect height for a normal punch. What's normal? You don't even have to do anything. You know, normal punch is when you bring your arm up without effort and raise, push it forward into this into the air.

SPEAKER_04 20:47

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 20:47

So if you ever wind up standing, you don't have to wind up, you just put your you bend your elbow and then you push your fist into the air. That's where Charles Manson's face is.

SPEAKER_04 20:56

There you go. That's awesome. I want to teach a karate class. It's just using different like cult leaders and serial killers of our history.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Kim Jong-young. Here you go.

SPEAKER_04 21:08

This is a downward punch. That's pretty good. Wow. He also died in a very, very tragic way.

SPEAKER_09 21:17

Oh, no, no, no. Oh. But first of all, he's one of the I don't I don't know the exact number. First of all, I should say that he's one of I I know he at the time he was the first non-military personnel in the United States history to get a a nautical funeral, like sent out to sea nautically. What? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:36

I don't know if it's happened again since, but like Well, there was the why there was those guys who tried to go to the Titanic.

SPEAKER_09 21:43

I don't know exactly why. I mean, he that's a nice he was the only member of the Beach Boys that actually surfed and actually like was kind of a beach head. Uh-huh. Uh all those posers. No, they all were. They were a gimmick band. So funny. They were a gimmick band. None of them had ever even tried surfing.

SPEAKER_06 21:58

That's incredible. Except for Dennis.

SPEAKER_09 21:59

Dennis. Was a beach bum. But uh no, he died because he he was on his third marriage, and one day he was really drunk, and his wife was mad at him and he was drunk, and he in a drunken stupor got really mad and said, Oh yeah, well, if you're so mad that I lost your stuff, then I'll just go get it for ya. Which was not an argument that they had had that night. It was an argument he had had with his second wife years before when he had accidentally apparently like lost some of her belongings in the ocean off the side of his boat. So in a drunken stupor, he drove to his boat and jumped in the water to try to retrieve all of his stuff.

SPEAKER_04 22:45

I knew there was something about that.

SPEAKER_09 22:46

Yeah, so you were close, but but he just jumped in the ocean at night drunkenly and drowned.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

That is so tragic.

SPEAKER_09 22:53

Yeah, that sucks.

SPEAKER_04 22:55

It was a cover up, it was actually Charles Manson to come out. Yeah, from prison. All right. Well, this is a podcast where we bring on a comedian or comedians from around Utah usually, but recently we had somebody from Tennessee and we have David from the moon. So, really anywhere. Um, and we have them describe to us that little flaky thing that you put on top of your burger or on top of like your roast beef. Yeah, it doesn't have to be a burger. Roast beast. You don't have to put it on a burger.

SPEAKER_09 23:24

French fries. If you don't want to, you can put it on other things other than a burger. Put it on a lemon. If you're tired of burgers, pick something else. Pick a pick a pick a food. Broccoli. Name a food. Name a food. Broccoli. He's a broccoli. Broccoli, put it on broccoli. It's great. You do it. It's great on broccoli.

SPEAKER_04 23:37

It is really good on broccoli. I I think that uh broccoli is over underrated. Underrated. 100%. I think that people overcook broccoli so much. Like in the oven, specifically. If there is any blackness on your broccoli, you ruined.

SPEAKER_09 23:52

If there's any if there's any carbon on most food items. Oh, really? But it starts to go like that brownish color though, that's a problem. Oh no. Oh. You just turn it into carbon. Oh, exactly. That's what I want.

SPEAKER_06 24:06

You're just eating pre-diamonds. That's what I want.

SPEAKER_04 24:10

We take you now to a man visiting the doctor who's because his stomach hurts, and his stomach is full of broccoli that he's trying to turn into diamonds.

SPEAKER_09 24:21

Alright, I've got the results of your x-ray. What is it, doctor? Please tell me. Uh just just a big old pile of carbon. Just carbon. That's it. I wasn't eating carpet.

SPEAKER_06 24:36

Sorry, say it again.

SPEAKER_09 24:37

Say again.

SPEAKER_06 24:38

Are you telling me that you have found fibrous floor material in my stomach?

SPEAKER_09 24:44

Sorry, I I uh I'm gonna say it one more time, and this time I'm going to speak uh using enunciation. Please, doctor, help me. I'm in pain. You have carbon in your stomach. Carbon.

SPEAKER_06 25:04

That doesn't make any sense out of this one. It doesn't make any sense, doctor.

SPEAKER_09 25:09

Sure. Sure.

SPEAKER_06 25:10

How could I have rocks in my stomach?

SPEAKER_09 25:14

I see what's happened. Oh Doctor. Well, we're gonna find out about that later.

SPEAKER_04 25:19

Doctor, we just got the stool sample back.

SPEAKER_09 25:21

The stool sample?

SPEAKER_04 25:22

It is full of diamonds.

SPEAKER_09 25:24

Diamonds. It's beautiful. That is that is rocks.

SPEAKER_04 25:29

I'm in such pain. But you're pooping diamonds.

SPEAKER_09 25:33

I was gonna correct you a minute ago and say that you weren't eating rocks, but apparently you have been. Uh I was gonna say you maybe just burned your food. Have you been eating diamonds? I've been consuming. Okay, so you you you recognize that consuming and eating uh might be the same thing.

unknown 25:52

Doctor.

SPEAKER_09 25:53

Unless you're consuming them non-orally.

SPEAKER_06 25:59

It's a trick to get it to the stomach from the rear. Oh, I'd love to hear about this.

SPEAKER_09 26:05

But I it's a nurse. You don't have to nurse, you could have left a long time ago. I just want to say. I was just I mean this is this is not protocol.

SPEAKER_06 26:18

So go twenty years ago the man sitting with his father looking out onto the minds of Kennicott Father? Yes, son.

SPEAKER_04 26:36

What's all that out there?

SPEAKER_06 26:38

Everything you see, son, is the most precious thing in the world. Diamonds.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

It's all diamonds.

SPEAKER_06 26:45

It's diamonds for you, my boy.

SPEAKER_03 26:49

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 26:50

They won't give it to you. So you have to take it.

SPEAKER_03 26:54

I have to take it.

SPEAKER_06 26:54

You have to take it out of the mine for me, boy.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Okay, I'll go.

SPEAKER_06 26:59

You have to take it out and you have to put it in.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Where do I where do I put it, Dad?

SPEAKER_06 27:07

Son. You come from a long line of men.

SPEAKER_04 27:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 27:14

We have been men for many generations.

SPEAKER_04 27:17

I've seen the pictures, Dad.

SPEAKER_06 27:19

Coal men. Minor men.

SPEAKER_04 27:22

Yeah. Strong men.

SPEAKER_06 27:23

Strong men.

SPEAKER_04 27:24

We don't need no canaries.

SPEAKER_06 27:26

We don't need canaries, we just need the diamonds.

SPEAKER_04 27:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 27:29

And they don't give us our fair share. So you've got to take it.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

I'll go get I will go get diamonds from the copper mine. From Ketacon Copper Mine. I will go get the diamonds.

SPEAKER_09 27:42

Oh, hey. I see he's bring your son to work day. Oh, hey. Hey, how's it going, Charlie? So good to see you. Hey, hey, son. Do you mind uh do you mind letting me and your old man talk for just a second?

SPEAKER_07 27:53

You know what to do.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

All right.

SPEAKER_09 27:55

I'll go. Don't don't wander off. Oh, I didn't like that wing. Don't wander off too far, son. Okay. Is it Dad, Dad?

SPEAKER_06 28:02

Real quick, is it just right there? Yes. Anything the light touches.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

I'll put it where the light doesn't shine.

SPEAKER_06 28:09

That's right. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 28:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 28:11

Hey, Greg. Hey. Good to see you.

SPEAKER_09 28:13

Charlie, have you been telling your son to put diamonds up his ass?

unknown 28:17

Dad, I found one.

SPEAKER_05 28:19

Good. Is it that?

SPEAKER_09 28:21

If I see that diamond move move further down on that child right now, we're gonna have a pro Oh.

SPEAKER_06 28:29

Greg. Greg, you know me. Yeah, I do. I would never let my son continue. Not put diamonds up his ass.

SPEAKER_09 28:43

Okay, you did just okay. Hey, I appreciate you being honest with me right now. Uh you're you're extra fired. I don't know. If there's if there is such a thing.

SPEAKER_06 28:55

Son, you've done it, you're old man proud.

SPEAKER_09 28:57

I got three.

SPEAKER_06 28:58

That's great.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

Three?

SPEAKER_09 29:00

I've been working on his mind for years.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

I haven't even found three diamonds myself. Well, I don't know if they were really diamonds. I just kind of found the first thing that looked relatively diamond-shaped.

SPEAKER_06 29:09

We'll figure it out. You just have to stand on your head for 12 hours, son.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

I hate doing that, but I will for you, Dad. Anything for you, Dad.

SPEAKER_09 29:17

I don't even know what to say to right now. I'm I'm slightly in shock, and I'm slightly uh impressed.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

There were like three kids shoving diamonds up their ass over here.

SPEAKER_09 29:28

Oh my god, I gotta go get those kids out of here. Wild. Wild. Well, wild. Welcome. Kennicott Diamond and Copper Mine. That's fine. There's actually, did you guys know that there's basically like no more copper in the mine? I did not know that. I did not know that. There's it's it's top secret now what they're actually mining. Oh.

SPEAKER_06 29:51

What?

SPEAKER_09 29:51

We have no uh we don't we technically know.

SPEAKER_04 29:53

I know, me too. I uh my best friend growing up, his dad worked at the copper mine for a long time. But he just got expired from there. I mean expired.

SPEAKER_09 30:03

He just retired from there a couple years ago for letting his kid shove diamonds up his ass.

SPEAKER_04 30:07

I think so, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 30:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:09

That's crazy. I was trying to imagine what that felt like and I didn't like it.

SPEAKER_06 30:14

I have this I love this vision of every miner being tattooed with an expiration date. And then every day you come into the office, you have to lift your shirt and show your expiration date. And then you're expired, man. It's over.

SPEAKER_04 30:27

Do you get like fined if you're over-expired and they didn't notice? You hide it somehow?

SPEAKER_06 30:32

Yeah, I don't know. You can be used to make the equivalent of sourdough for mines. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 30:38

We can make this world however we want.

SPEAKER_04 30:42

Uh I I like the idea of the having the canaries expire too. It's like, oh man, I had an expired canary. Now everybody's dead. Everybody's dead.

SPEAKER_09 30:49

That's sad. I think expired canary is just how you point.

SPEAKER_04 30:57

I realized the canary dies. Okay. Sad. That's really sad. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do not enough not enough people talk about that? How can I sad that is?

SPEAKER_09 31:06

I think that's people's most people's understanding of it.

SPEAKER_04 31:09

Blue Canary and an outlet by the light switch. That's a song by the baby giants. Oh, is it? Yeah. Who watches over?

SPEAKER_09 31:14

Oh, yeah, duh. What? Birdhouse in your soul.

SPEAKER_04 31:16

It's like the most popular. Okay. Duh duh. Except for, of course, the Malcolm in the Middle theme song. Yes, they wrote that. And hot dog, hot dog, hot dog. Diggity dog, baby. Um well, David. Yes, sir. Me and you are participating in something right now that I would like to pledge and pitch to the world.

SPEAKER_06 31:33

You pledge. Raise your hand. Raise your right hand. Okay, it's up. And uh put your left hand over your heart and uh repeat after me. Repeating. I.

SPEAKER_04 31:47

I. Say your name. Say my name. Uh your name is Derek Wyman. My name is Derek Wyman. Wayman, technically, but Derek Wyman.

SPEAKER_06 31:54

No, it's Derek Wyman. I like that you went along with it. Derek Wyman. Uh Pledge my heart. Pledge my heart. And my head. And my head. And my talent. And my talent. To possessive possessive the musical. Cool. That will be performing. In Lee, high Utah.

SPEAKER_04 32:13

I thought it was American Fork.

SPEAKER_06 32:15

You're right. It is American Fork. The Valentine Theater.

SPEAKER_04 32:18

Right. It is American Fork at the Valentine Theater. And at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. At the Edinburgh, Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

SPEAKER_06 32:26

I don't know how to say it right. I say it wrong every time. I know it's it right.

SPEAKER_04 32:30

I say it wrong every time. I know it's Edinburgh. And at the Tipanogas Valley Theater. At the Timpanogas Valley Theater. In Hebrew, Utah. In the year of 2026. In the year of our Lord, 2026. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_09 32:44

I noticed you edited. Did you say of our Lord?

SPEAKER_05 32:47

No. Dang it! I was so close.

SPEAKER_09 32:50

You were pretty close. I was really close. That was fun. That was fun. I was trying to make everything religious, you.

SPEAKER_06 32:54

So we're doing a musical.

SPEAKER_09 32:56

Doing a musical. Tell me about the musical. We've talked about it a little bit on the podcast, but not a ton.

SPEAKER_04 33:00

But David is actually directing said musical.

SPEAKER_06 33:04

Lovely.

SPEAKER_04 33:04

I'm directing and I'm in it. And he's in it. He plays the dad, Carl. Carl. And I play the demon. I come in and I possess his son. Fizzle snurf is his name.

SPEAKER_06 33:12

Your name?

SPEAKER_04 33:14

That's the first time I've ever heard you say that, right?

SPEAKER_06 33:15

That's right.

SPEAKER_04 33:16

That was awesome.

SPEAKER_06 33:17

Because my character is supposed to mis say it every time. And I'm supposed to missay it in a certain way, and I j just wing it every time. It's a terrible thing. I need to get better. Fizzle grift is one you do a lot. Fizzle girth. I like that one.

SPEAKER_04 33:31

Fizzle dick was funny. Brought me so much joy. Very fun. I also said fizzle bitch. You did say that, though. That was that was so shocking. Because this is a very family-friendly musical, so to hear the word bitch in the musical. Yeah. Shocking. But very funny. It was sad. Yeah, so this episode is dropping on the 21st of May. And you should all go buy tickets and come see us next week, the 26th, the 27th, and the 28th. See us all three days.

SPEAKER_06 34:02

In American Fork. It's really funny, actually. Oh, it's an original musical. My uh my good friend Spencer Ford who was on this podcast a while ago now. Um he wrote it, and uh I had the pleasure of being in a production years ago at Midvale. And uh when I was in that production, I was like, man, this show has such potential. And so when he said he was remounting it, I was really excited to like jump in and say, Hey, I have ideas about how to plus it, how to lift it, how to make it fun. Not that it wasn't fun before, but like it's just really exciting to be a part. The cast, the entire cast is incredible. Um, every person is perfectly suited to the part that they're playing. Yeah. Um, and our I brought on my choreographer who I love to work with, Christy Moulton. Yeah. She's great from Heber, she's so great. And so, yeah, we just have all of the right elements, and I think it's gonna be a really great show.

SPEAKER_04 34:54

Well, and I so I was in the original production. I was in the original stage to read of it. That's right. And I'm on the cast recording as well. That was like what, five years ago, something? Five years ago. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah, it was something like that. Um, and I will say that this is the best mounting of it. Oh, that's what I'm talking about. But like the the the ways that you've changed it to be more funny in places and more serious in places. That's brilliant. Brilliant. Uh brilliant. And I think the people of Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Listen, I gotta love it.

SPEAKER_06 35:23

I can't say Edinburgh, even though I know that's how you're supposed to say it. Because it's not written as Edinburgh. It's written Edinburgh. Edinburgh. That's probably that's what I should probably start doing. Because in my mind, there's this mental cognitive disconnect, because I know what it looks like. Yeah. That I cannot say Edinburgh and Fringe and Festival all in succession.

SPEAKER_04 35:48

Look me in the eyes. I get it. Xylophone. Xylophone? I just like xylophone. It just doesn't look like oh xylophone's awesome. Xylophone. What are you talking about? Oh, right. Well. Okay. I thought that was gonna work. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 36:02

You're just like xlophone. You could say exlophone.

SPEAKER_04 36:07

Or pterodactyl.

SPEAKER_06 36:09

Oh, I love pterodactyl. I love the key in there.

SPEAKER_09 36:11

Okay, but the. You're picking ones that are just weird at the beginning, but usually beginnings are fine. Um I don't know. I like all genuinely, I love any word that is not spelled how it looks. Like what? Not pronounced like it. Uh I mean the kernel is the one I bring up. I love kernel. Love kernel colinal. I love kernel. Um Worcestershire.

SPEAKER_04 36:33

Yeah, Worcestershire.

SPEAKER_09 36:34

Worcestershire is really good.

SPEAKER_04 36:35

Well, but like no one knows how to pronounce that. Yeah. Yeah. Worcestershire. Well, you're not no one's.

SPEAKER_07 36:40

Worcestershire. You're more. You have to have your out over your bottom lip to say it correctly.

SPEAKER_04 36:45

Worstishes. It's just a good one.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

Worcestershire.

SPEAKER_04 36:48

I use that at work. And my boss one time, I I run a little cafe, and my my boss came in from out of town, and he was looking through my stuff and he saw that we had Worcestershire. Wish Worcestershire. And that we were putting it in things, and he freaked out. What? He was like, you don't have listed anywhere that you're putting fish in all your food. What? And I was like, uh, I'm so sorry, because Worcestershire is made with fish and onions. Yeah, it is. And so you're technically supposed to label it as an allergen. Oh fun fact for everybody out there. So now my menu has may contain fish on like every single dish. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_09 37:23

Did we do that at my probably not? Nobody does. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:27

Nobody does. Because technically. Now technically.

SPEAKER_08 37:30

But we had such strict people in charge of because I worked at the airport. Right.

SPEAKER_04 37:35

I well, so technically, technically, the fish gets like cooked down so much and it ferments in those barrels for so long. Yeah. That it kind of just all turns into alcohol and kind of goes away anyway. So it's like you would have to be really, really allergic to fish to feel any sort of. And it's not shellfish. It's it's like those weird, like what are they? Anchovy things. So yeah. They're the worst of surefish.

SPEAKER_06 38:02

They're the worst of surefish.

SPEAKER_04 38:05

That was so Dr. Seuss of you. Thank you. What's his name?

SPEAKER_09 38:08

Technically.

SPEAKER_04 38:09

Huh? What's his name?

SPEAKER_09 38:11

Dr. Seuss? Yeah. Theodore Geisel?

SPEAKER_04 38:14

Whoa, you knew. You nerd. Is that what you were?

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Why would you ask if you Dan?

SPEAKER_06 38:20

I want you to go on Jeopardy so bad. I would lose. No, you'd I have a friend that won three times on Jeopardy. Oh, dude. Davy Morrison. Do you know Davy Morrison? How long ago was that? This was, I think, last year. Was it last year? Or maybe two years ago. But he won two times and then didn't win the third time, I think. And I'm sorry, Davy, if I got that wrong. Sorry, Davy. But he took his winnings and he made a movie. And he's currently making it right now. Like he's in post-production. And he's a very he's a very good writer and a very good director and a very good actor. And I'm very excited. And I hope his movie does well.

SPEAKER_04 38:54

Nice. That's amazing. That's awesome. What way to like turn your winnings around?

SPEAKER_09 38:58

Yeah. I audition for Jeopardy every every 18 months, as you're able to.

SPEAKER_04 39:02

You do for real?

SPEAKER_09 39:03

Two babies. I've not I've not I've not gotten a call. So that's crazy. I just don't know you yet. They don't know me yet. Well, no, but it's not an audition, it's it's a test. You just take it's a 50 question Jeopardy test. Oh no, wait.

SPEAKER_04 39:15

Do you get to know your answers?

SPEAKER_09 39:16

Like, do you get to know if you were right? Um yeah, yeah. It like gives you a score at the end. And they don't say what the cutoff is, but from what it sounds like online, it I mean it depends on the quiz every time. Like the last one I took, everyone online that said that they got a call back, they got like 43 out of 50 was like the minimum. And on the last one I took, I didn't even do it very good. I got like 26. Freaking nerd. But I once I once got a 45 and was like so proud of myself and so excited that I was gonna get the call. And then uh a few months went by and people were posting online that they were getting calls, and nobody with less than 48 got a call.

SPEAKER_06 39:58

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_09 39:59

So it was just a much, much harder quiz. Uh or a much easier, I guess. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:03

Um dang. I don't know. You'll get it. I believe I wonder if they have like a amount of people per each like questions right. You know what I mean? Like if certain amount of people get this many questions right, they move up to the next tier of number to like cut them out. Well, yeah, am I thinking into the statistics too much?

SPEAKER_09 40:21

No, and I think that's just definitely what it is. Yeah, so yeah, it's just it's just a bummer. So I definitely have been close before, and then the last two times I did it, I was like, well, not even close. Didn't didn't even know. Is that why you work at a game show place? It's the honestly, this game show job really fell into my lap, and it is like I have been obsessed with game shows since I was like three. Oh wow. And so the fact that this job even exists is crazy. It is crazy. And the fact that I'm working there now, and it's not like I don't know. I'd driven past that building a few times because it's been open since August, and I'd driven past it a few times, and I in my head I was like, I can probably imagine what it's like in there, and it's probably kind of corny and and dumb. And now I'm working there, and I'm like, no, it's amazing. It's so much fun. I gotta come do it. You gotta come do it.

SPEAKER_04 41:12

I want to do it. You gotta come do it. Let's go as a cast. Let's do it as a cast. That would be actually super fun. That would be super fun. All right. Well, David, we did bring you here for a purpose. We're not just sitting and talking to you. Even though that is a lot of fun. Interesting. So last week we had our friend Garrett on, uh fresh from Tennessee, who gave us a word to describe sodium. Salt. It's all. Yeah, not sodium. Salt. He gave us the word tingly.

SPEAKER_06 41:41

Oh. What do you think? I don't think that fully captures what it is. Fair enough.

SPEAKER_04 41:51

Interesting. Fair enough.

SPEAKER_06 41:53

Um tingly. Man. I think there are some experiences that I've had where I could describe salt as tingly.

SPEAKER_09 42:04

Yes. But that you usually have to have like too much.

SPEAKER_06 42:08

Yeah, I agree. And I think that that is a very small portion of the experiences I've had with salt. So I think he's he's pulling from a very specific source.

SPEAKER_09 42:19

I think that's fair. I think that's fair. We don't we don't talk about the word with the person much when they say the word. So I've been holding on to this since last time, but I I do agree. That's exactly how I feel too. It's it's not it's not the it's not the one number one thing. It is it is a very immediately I'm like, yeah, okay, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 42:37

That makes sense. Yeah. It it feels it feels like, oh yeah, I've experienced that.

SPEAKER_09 42:41

But if we're trying to describe salt in one word, yeah, it's not it's not quite it.

SPEAKER_04 42:46

Well, and I kind of feel like tingly is more about like the texture of salt. Like if you eat like rock salt, it'd make your mouth tingly. But also like if you eat too much salt, like like the feeling that if you like pile movie theater popcorn into your mouth for like two hours of a movie and then but it's almost like heavy, you know?

SPEAKER_06 43:04

Like tingle, a tingle is something that's kind of light. Yeah. And uh like that experience that you just as you were describing that popcorn experience, in my mind, like when I a lot of that is butter.

SPEAKER_09 43:14

That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_06 43:16

But yeah, even like over salting something, it just feels like it's very like dry heavy on your palate.

SPEAKER_04 43:24

Dry was a word two episodes ago. So I hope you weren't gonna use that word.

SPEAKER_06 43:28

I was not because I know better.

SPEAKER_04 43:30

Ooh.

SPEAKER_06 43:31

All right.

SPEAKER_04 43:32

So, okay, cool, exciting first time, second, second, third time I met David. Third time, second, second, second time, third, third time. Here we go. Third time. I went to your birthday party. Oh my gosh. And this was the coolest idea and the craziest idea for a birthday party I've ever heard in my life. So he had everyone invited to the birthday party bring a plate of cookies. Okay. If they wanted to participate.

SPEAKER_06 43:57

So in the flyer, I had. Notification that if you want to participate, bring cookies.

SPEAKER_04 44:02

Yeah. And then I mean if you'd like to explain it, you can't.

SPEAKER_06 44:06

No, I I've I would prefer to hear from you your experience because my experience was very like you know, I was in it.

SPEAKER_04 44:11

So you knew my you know you knew my wife first because she did the the sound for the production of possessive you were in, and uh she was like, We gotta go, you're gonna love this guy, he's super funny. I mean, I had kind of met you before, anyway. Um, so the whole thing was you bring a plate of cookies, and then David would take one cookie from everybody who comes and rank them and actually pick a winner of the best chocolate chip cookie, and it had to be a chocolate chip cookie, nothing else.

SPEAKER_06 44:39

And it was blind, it was a blind taste test. Yeah, so it was a blind taste test.

SPEAKER_04 44:42

Yeah, there were gallons of milk everywhere, there were plates of milk everywhere.

SPEAKER_06 44:46

36 submissions. Yep. 36 cookies.

SPEAKER_04 44:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 44:49

It was incredible, actually.

SPEAKER_04 44:50

And me being a chef, I was like, I'm gonna make a fantastic cookie, but I made a fatal error. What do you think my fatal error was then? Ooh. I think I got like eighth place or something. Ooh. I actually don't remember.

SPEAKER_06 45:01

I mean I have I have the graph. I have because I did a pipe, I mean, I did a nice uh, what do you call it? Spreadsheet. As I was going, I was giving information putting information in the side.

SPEAKER_04 45:09

I remember doing I remember doing decently well. You did well, but I don't remember how high. Uh but I do remember my fatal flaw. If it had to do with salt, that would be really funny. It would be amazing.

SPEAKER_10 45:20

It would be great, but it wasn't salt. Doesn't have anything to do with salt.

SPEAKER_04 45:23

You though a good good chocolate chip cookie has a decent amount of salt on it. You forgot. But not too much.

SPEAKER_06 45:29

Some people love some people love putting the salt on the top, and that's like it kills the cookie.

SPEAKER_09 45:33

Yeah. Your your fatal flaw was you forgot to uh uh actually spoon it out onto a tray and it was just all in one big blob, and you put that straight in the egg.

SPEAKER_06 45:40

That would be crazy. That would be insane. My one submission is the plate of cookies, like the cookie.

SPEAKER_04 45:46

I kind of forgot to evaporate them. I thought you wanted one cookie. Uh no, my fatal flaw was using milk chocolate chip cookie in the milk chocolate chips.

SPEAKER_09 45:55

Oh, okay, okay. So it wasn't not a baking error, but no an error in four. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 46:00

It's definitely a preferential thing, but for my to defend it, uh for me, for me, chocolate chip cookie, I don't care about any other cookie. Semi-sweet or semi-tark. Semi-sweet. Okay, okay. Has to be semi-sweet. Yeah, tark chocolate. I agree. I think you can do a blend. You can do a blend with milk, chocolate, and semi-sweet. And I've had some where you do some dark chocolate and stuff, but the whole thing about a cookie is balance.

SPEAKER_08 46:21

Sure.

SPEAKER_06 46:22

And most people who really experiment just throw the balance off. And for me, the the semi- or sorry, the milk chocolate. The milk chocolate is just too sweet. There's just too much sweetness in the cookie, and so you lose some of the bitterness that kind of bite. Yeah, that cuts through it.

SPEAKER_04 46:38

Yeah, for sure. I uh I was rucked. Rucked. You were rucked. I was ready. You were so rucked. I was so rucked. I was reeked with guilt. I was so so racked. Is that what you were trying to do?

SPEAKER_06 46:50

What were you gonna say? The best part of the whole night. So I'm so sorry that you didn't win. Oh, I don't care. I'm so sorry. No, it was great. It was a learning experience for me. Um the best part about the whole night was the first person, the first place winner. This story still kind of blows my mind. So I'm a big guy. I'm a sorry, not a big guy. I'm a big chocolate chip guy. Okay, chocolate chip cookie guy. I have missed a flight to get cookies from LA before. I have had cookies all over the world. Like the best cookie, first of all, chocolate chip cookies are an American dessert. So the best chocolate chip cookies are in America, obviously. Outside of America, they suck. Uh the the only good one that I've had outside of America is in Jerusalem. And I'm not joking. Really? Yeah. It's crazy. In the old town of Jerusalem, there's a guy who learned how to make cookies in New York and he opened a shop too. There you go. It's pretty good. Um But yeah, if the the best cookie in if you've had the best cookie in America, you've had the best cookie in the world. First of all. Crazy. So I'm big into it. And it's kind of like if you want to if you want to go to like a Thai place, you try the Massamon. And if it's like if it's a good Massaman, it's a good restaurant. Agreed. So it's for me, it's like if it's got a if you got a good chocolate chip cookie at your place, then you got a good bakery going on. No. And everything else is gonna be great. Cool. Uh so, anyways, that's kind of that's a a a brief introduction to my my love. Cookie expertise. Uh the best part about my birthday party. Yes. Uh we're doing the we had prizes too. We had little trophies and stuff that we made. It was so cool. And like, you know, we had, I think, gift certificates and stuff as well. We did, yeah, it was crazy. Pretty fun. Um the person who won first place, she had to leave early and go to work. And so her husband accepted the award on her behalf. And he comes up and he's like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe she's not here. She was so excited for this recipe. She talked to her co-worker who used to own a bakery, and my mind was like, Whoa, I know bakeries. And so he starts to tell the story, and I was like, and he was he's like, the bakery closed like 10 years ago. And I was like, Where was the bakery at? And he was like, Oh, it's in Provo. And I was like, closed bakery in provo, closed 10 years ago. I was like, was it the Mighty Baker? And he was like, Yes, it was the Mighty Baker. So this guy who uh his wife worked with um used to own and run the Mighty Baker, and the Mighty Baker won Cake Wars.

SPEAKER_03 49:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 49:11

Really? He did. He won Cake Wars. Wow. And then he had this bakery and it couldn't keep it like it just didn't work. And he still sells things privately, but like it was my favorite cookie. So the sad thing about bakeries in Utah is that they are they're doomed to fail. They do not survive. Yeah, and so like my the first cookie that like really inspired me was at this place called um what was it called? It was the the t-shirt said your mom gets your mom gets it's like hungry. No, it was like um babies like eco lab. I'm not gonna say it right. Your mom gets still stoned. That's kind of what it was like. It was like a play on it was like a rude, a rude thing. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm forgetting the baked. Your mom gets baked. Okay. So the place was called baked. Okay. And they had this cookie that was incredible. Okay. And then they they went under, and I was so sad. And then I found the mighty baker, and I was like, oh, this cookie is incredible. And then they went down. And then I found gourmandy's up in Salt Lake. Love Gourmandy's. It was incredible, and then the baker changed the recipe, and the bakery just like for me. I'm sorry, Gourmandy's. I'm sure a lot of people still love it. They went downhill. They went so downhill, but at first they had this like buttery cookie that was so incredible, and then they changed the recipe, and I'm like, what is the deal with these places? Yeah. And uh so now the and then I found the Midway Bakery. The Midway Bakery is the best bakery I have ever had.

SPEAKER_09 50:43

I've driven past it a million times, I've never thought too much about it.

SPEAKER_06 50:46

The everything there, the bread, the the cinnamon rolls, oh my gosh, the brownies, everything.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 50:53

So incredible. I believe that is it is the best cookie I think I've ever had.

SPEAKER_02 50:57

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 50:58

Um and I've been, you know, like I've been to um what's the Lavaine in New York. And I've been, there's a like I've you know, I've tried all I try cookies everywhere I go. Yeah. The next best cookie is a place in LA called um the milk uh not the milk bar. Not the milk bar, the milk jar. Oh the milk jar. I know, I know.

SPEAKER_04 51:21

That's confusing.

SPEAKER_06 51:21

It's right down the street from the Utah, or sorry, the the Los Angeles Film Commission. So every time I go to because I do film for work, every time I go to LA and I have to get a permit, it's just down the road. Gotta do it. And that's where I that's where I was getting cookies from that place. We were heading to the airport. We had just been filming for a week, and I was like, it's on the way, guys. And it wasn't on the way. Also, I was not calculating LA traffic. So, like, yeah, that's that's easy to do. Well, I we made it to the airport and I got everybody onto the flight. Nice and I stayed back to check the bags and uh because we had all this equipment that couldn't be carried on. Right. So I got every I got all my crew onto the flights and I had to stay behind. Oof, why? And eat some cookies.

SPEAKER_09 52:06

On that note, we find ourselves at the top of a secluded mountain where a man has been adventuring for months, if not years, who knows at this point, to find the only remaining good bakery in America.

SPEAKER_06 52:28

Uh Charles, my trusty sidekick. Yeah. Thank you for bringing me to the top of this mountain.

SPEAKER_05 52:37

No problem.

SPEAKER_06 52:39

You have been a dear friend to me for so many years. Sure. You've taken me across the bayou. Yeah. You've taken me into Mexico's dusty desert.

SPEAKER_05 52:53

Twice.

SPEAKER_06 52:54

And here you are with me at the world's edge. Find the last bakery.

SPEAKER_08 53:00

Yep. It's right over there if you if you want to. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 53:08

We're here. This means so much to me, Charles. You mean so much to me.

SPEAKER_05 53:15

That's cool.

SPEAKER_06 53:18

What can I do to show my love for you and your devotion, your devoted guidance?

SPEAKER_09 53:26

I'm I'm you know, I'm I'm asexual.

SPEAKER_08 53:31

I'm not I don't know if I'm Charles.

SPEAKER_06 53:36

Yeah. I must confess I've been harboring feelings for you for years.

SPEAKER_09 53:42

No, I I'm aware. I'm I may be asexual and romantic, but I I could tell. There's one thing about me. I I can always tell.

SPEAKER_06 53:54

Did you know that when we were in the Andes Mountains in ten feet of snow?

SPEAKER_05 54:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 54:01

That I pretended that it was cold so that you would hold me.

SPEAKER_05 54:05

I actually didn't know that. No, I didn't. Oh.

SPEAKER_09 54:08

I mean it was really cold.

SPEAKER_06 54:09

No, I could it was very cold. I thought it was a good excuse.

SPEAKER_09 54:12

For the record, we we definitely if we hadn't have held each other for warmth, we would have died. So like no, that's fine. It's all good. You probably didn't even need to say that.

SPEAKER_06 54:21

It's fine. I forgive you. Charles, I'm sorry for lying to you all this time. It's fine. I do love this bakery because it's the last.

SPEAKER_08 54:33

Is the last good one? You've been saying that for years.

SPEAKER_05 54:36

And I just knew how to get there. I've never been here.

SPEAKER_06 54:40

What I'm worried, Charles.

SPEAKER_09 54:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 54:45

I'm worried that now that we've come to the end, that we won't be traveling together anymore. Well, we gotta go down the mountain.

SPEAKER_09 54:56

And after that, Charles? After we go down the mountain? Well then we gotta go through the dusty deserts of Mexico. And after that, well then we gotta go through the bayou.

SPEAKER_06 55:06

And then do our paths part ways forever?

SPEAKER_09 55:11

Well prob probably.

SPEAKER_08 55:14

And I tell you you need to hire me again. But yeah. I guess if you ever want to get back to the bakery again, you you you could hire me.

SPEAKER_05 55:23

You have my card. You have such a way with words. Yeah. Well mostly just no I get places We walk through the front door.

SPEAKER_04 55:35

How's it going? Oh it's you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 55:40

How? How is it possible that you're here? Um We stopped you. We've been chasing bakeries this whole time, and you Edward Rutledge.

SPEAKER_04 55:54

You guys know each other. It's good to see you, James Philippine. You.

SPEAKER_06 56:01

You've been closing down bakeries all across the world.

SPEAKER_04 56:04

Of course I have. How do you think I was able to get their secret recipes? You bastard. What did you want me to do?

SPEAKER_07 56:12

I want to bring baked goods to the world. You know that, Edward.

SPEAKER_08 56:15

Oh, there's way more lore to this story than I thought there was gonna be. Man. We gotta keep the bakeries empty.

SPEAKER_04 56:22

You don't understand. For crumble to take over, there can't be mom and pop shops. No, not crumble. We gotta have those broiled cookies on every shelf.

SPEAKER_07 56:33

Anything but crumble.

SPEAKER_08 56:35

We have to. They're taking over.

SPEAKER_04 56:39

Everybody's gonna have a crumble cookie shape.

SPEAKER_08 56:41

How can you take over? What are you pointing a gun at me? You can just get a gun. I've known you for three years.

SPEAKER_06 56:46

I've been holding it.

SPEAKER_03 56:47

But don't you know?

SPEAKER_04 56:48

I replaced all of the bullets with leftover cookies from Mom and Pop Bakeries.

SPEAKER_07 56:53

No! This is the most precious gun to me. I can't let any bullet fly. You can't reach for it!

unknown 57:00

No!

SPEAKER_08 57:00

I've gotta grab it and then I'm gonna shoot you with it. Okay, I'm sorry I just let that happen. That was my bad. But I didn't I don't even know. Is this real? Are we are we really about to like shoot each other right now? Open your mouth. Don't point the gun at Charles. Open your mouth, Charles.

unknown 57:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:16

Okay, I'm opening my mouth.

SPEAKER_08 57:17

Do you have any milk nearby?

SPEAKER_04 57:18

Charles, no! No, we've been traveling for a long time. It was just cookie. It was a cookie.

SPEAKER_07 57:25

It's slodged in my heart.

SPEAKER_04 57:26

Oh, it is.

SPEAKER_07 57:27

I jumped in front to save you, Charles. Oh no, I think I just came out. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 57:31

Are you dying?

SPEAKER_08 57:32

It's just cookie. It's just crumbled on all over the place. But it's see, he believes in the power of crumble.

SPEAKER_04 57:42

How is it?

SPEAKER_09 57:44

It's so good.

SPEAKER_04 57:45

I got that one from a little place in Provo, Utah about 10 years ago.

SPEAKER_05 57:51

That's the one you've been talking about.

SPEAKER_04 57:53

It's the Mighty Baker. I've got a whole freezer of those. Ah Edward, you monster! What did you want me to do? Grumble offered me $10 million. You think I'm just gonna turn that down?

SPEAKER_07 58:07

The world needs chocolate chip cookies, Edward. No. They need it more than money. No. Money is temporary. But cookies last. Didn't you see?

SPEAKER_04 58:19

Lifetime. Didn't you see? If we use milk chocolate chips, then we get more oil. And if we get more oil, then we have more money. No! We have to only use milk chocolate chips.

SPEAKER_08 58:30

Okay, I'm a little lost in the plot now, but this is really riveting stuff.

SPEAKER_03 58:34

Don't you understand what's going on here?

SPEAKER_09 58:37

No.

SPEAKER_05 58:37

It has to do with brain waves.

SPEAKER_09 58:39

It's all the brain waves. Okay. No, I'm I'm all in on that. I used to be part of a little cult now in New Mexico.

SPEAKER_01 58:49

Oh, that was fun.

SPEAKER_04 58:51

Improv's fun. Improv is fun, you guys. Not enough people improv. And people who say they don't improv are just improving.

SPEAKER_06 58:58

But I mean, literally, everybody improvs conversations every day.

SPEAKER_09 59:01

Every single day. Yeah. That's why we're here speaking truth to power.

SPEAKER_06 59:06

There is this thing. There is a weird thing though about improv where you have to like it gets to a point where you there gets to a point where you realize that you're lying and fibbing, right? Like you realize you hit this wall of like your the decency in your life and like the culture, the things that have been taught to you about society and culture and behavior. Yeah. You hit that wall and you're you have the choice to either retreat or to press forward. Yeah. And that's a scary thing to do. It's really scary because it's like literally you're breaking through these social things that are very encoded and very hard to break through.

SPEAKER_04 59:44

It's so it's so like psychologically healing though. For that reason. I love that event period.

SPEAKER_06 59:50

Have you watched any of the behind the scenes from um uh Sasha Baron Cohen's um Borat 2?

SPEAKER_04 59:58

That movie is a little bit. I have not watched the behind the scenes though.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:01

He's talking about the because he he was talking about this one feature where he he has to bring on a new character into this world because he has built this whole career of just improvising his characters. Yeah. And for him, then all of a sudden he has this new character, his daughter, that he has to bring into all these experiences, and he's he was brilliant. He realized that he was trying to teach her these things that were just intuitive to him, and he didn't know how to express them, didn't know how to tell them. And one of the things he was one of these techniques he was teaching her was like eye contact. He was like, Every time you're gonna have this experience, you're gonna be talking to somebody, and their eyes are gonna tell you that they know that you're lying. Their eyes are gonna say, This is not true. And he's like, in that moment, you have to reach further, you have to push more, you have to like pour your heart through the eyes to this person to pull them away from disbelief and into the game of the scene, you know. I just thought that was very uh very interesting, compelling.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:59

This I eye contact is such a weird thing for me because I do I do have quite a bit of in just day-to-day stuff. I don't look people in the eyes. I hate it. Really? I don't like I notice at gas stations, I I never I don't even know what people's faces look like at the gas stations. No, I do, I'm just I'm just fully looking all the way down here and I'm like, all right, here's my thing. Yeah, here's the money. Thank you so much. I'll even like smile and be like friendly and cordial and stuff and like have conversations. But then I walk away and I'm like, I was looking straight down that whole time. That was so weird. But then as soon as it comes to like performing, I'm all about the icon. Yeah, me too. And I love I've I'm sure I've done it to you. Uh we've provided a lot. Well, just one of my favorite things to do is pull off a really, really short, really, really simple uh like rug pull on somebody. Okay where I'll just like I'm completely being earnest, and I'll I'll I'll I'll like I don't I'm trying to think of an example recently of this happening. Uh I don't even know. But just as an example off the top of my head where I'm in like a room with people, we're all just like doing normal stuff, and I'll be like, Derek, can I uh can I I just need to tell you something really fast. I'll just like bring you into the other room. We're like this is this is not as serious as it seems. It's so don't don't freak out or anything. It's okay. This is such a Danism.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:27

But I've seen you do this, you've done this to me.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:31

But uh uh it's it's just it's just uh yep, and then you leave. That's it. And you just say nothing. Oh yeah, you do that. You say nothing at all. You love that. It feels so good. You do that, it feels so good to connect with someone and like have them think that you're about to like change their week, you know? And then you don't, and then you just don't, and then just nothing happens.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:55

Dude, it's a good one. I don't know why. It's it's so it is a drama. Uh you're a sociopath, I think.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:02

That reminds me of like one of the most cherished memories that I have of my cousin Michael Thorpe. Shout out, yeah. He is a lawyer, he's like a big deal lawyer, and he like he prosecutes major criminals for the state of Utah. Like he's he's he's at a top level. He's a cool guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:21

Met Ted Bundy, huh?

SPEAKER_06 1:03:22

Uh no, he's not that old. But um that came to the city. We're at Thanksgiving with my full with my family. He's in town, he's there at Thanksgiving. There's like 20 people around the table, and my dad's like, Michael, will you say the prayer? And Michael says, Yeah. And he passes his head. He just waits and everybody's looking around, and he's just kind of smiling and holding his hands. But not smiling like he knows a joke, like like listening. He's like listening for somebody else to say the prayer.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:55

And then eventually he's like.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:00

Oh, you want me to say the prayer?

SPEAKER_07 1:04:02

It was like the best joke of all time. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:06

It was so good. It is so good. Especially from someone who probably isn't that funny. Oh, he is very funny.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:10

Oh, you think he's very he's a very funny man and he's awesome. He knew exactly what he was doing. That's so good. He knew that there was like the expectation of a funny lawyer. Oh my gosh, he's so great. A floyer. Amazing. A floyer.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:22

Yeah, that's what they're called. They are. Yeah, if you Google, what is a funny lawyer? Floyer.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:27

Technically, it's also a flying lawyer. Any any lawyer that's in the air.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:31

We got time for a quick one. We find ourselves in a courtroom where the the funny court is now in session. Funny court is now in session. Please rise for the right and honorable uh judge, Judge Wahoo.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:55

Yay, Wahoo! He's a buddy.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:58

Your Honor. Yeah. Uh I'd like to bring my defendant forward and meet you at the bar.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:05

What's he defending?

SPEAKER_06 1:05:07

He's defending an aunt. He's defending his uh divorce.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:15

Divorce? Of course.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:18

Uh Your Honor, uh, something about uh he wants he wants full custody, is what he says. That's what he wants. I'm just gonna want the manuscript here.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:29

Custody. Custody. He wants full custody, Your Honor. I don't think they pay me enough for this job.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:36

You knew what you were getting into. We don't pay you at all. Nah, you nah, you know I just love it. All right, sir. You wanna you want some money? No, Your Honor, I just want to spend time with my son. How old's your son? He's seven. Is he blazing hot in the sky?

SPEAKER_06 1:06:01

He's suffering from carbon ingestion.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:06

Oh my. Did he stick rocks up his butt?

SPEAKER_08 1:06:10

Sir, yes. The affidavit does say that he did stick rocks up his butt.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:16

I'm sorry. Honestly, it's so hard to keep jokes going in this thing. It's just 30 minutes a day, but man, alive. It's rough.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:26

I can't even think of any jokes anymore. It's just all stupid puns. And you're a funny guy. I don't know. It's so weird. I don't want to. But as soon as I get up on that podium. I get it. It's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure. I get it.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:36

It is. And I drink so much Pepto before, and it doesn't do anything for me. Sorry, sir. I know you just want custody for your son or whatever.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:45

We got 20, 27 more minutes, and then you can you can go back to just being normal. Should we just uh waste time on this one? Just be funny for 27 minutes and then no, how do you be funny?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:56

Jury jury, what do you think?

SPEAKER_08 1:06:58

Uh we don't know why we're here. Not guilty.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:02

Not guilty?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:03

He's not guilty.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:05

Why is there a parrot on the jury with us? Not guilty. It's the funny court, man. What do you want from us? Nobody told no, we weren't warned about this. We just walked into court thinking it was jury duty. Throw the book.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:18

We've got a parrot, and we also have every comic strip illustrator from the last six years.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:23

And then you have one normal dude, and that's me? Great. Cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:26

You're the Foreman.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:28

George Foreman.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:30

Okay, yes, my name is George Foreman, but that is that that's why I'm here because it's funny? Yeah, because it's hilarious, man. Because it's a funny name.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:36

And we all make grilled cheese on the Foreman grills in the back. It's really funny.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:40

Wait, you do? Yes. Oh, that's that's my dad's company, actually. Oh, you're related to George Foreman?

SPEAKER_06 1:07:47

Yeah. George Foreman Jr.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:54

That was I that was the most concise button ever. I don't just squawk. I don't know why. As soon as I that scene started, I was like, please don't make me the judge.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:02

Well, I I also didn't want to be the judge. So I threw it. I threw it at you. It's so hard.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:08

I did not want to try to be funny. So I'm glad it wanted to be the judge.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:11

I'm glad it went to the direction it did. Well, Derek, it's time. I think it's time. It's absolutely time.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:15

It's time. Alright. It's time. Please take a step up to our sodium podium. Clamber up on there. And if you would be so kind, he clambered. In one word or less, describe salt. Take your time.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:38

I was gonna do a hyphenated word, but that's fine. It's up to you.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:42

We've given you the parameters. It's up to you to determine.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:45

I'm gonna say my first choice. Which was an enabler. Enabler.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:52

Enabler. That was what Enabler. The word is Enabler.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:59

I can taste it.

SPEAKER_09 1:09:00

Enabler, first of all, I hardly know. One of those words, you know when like you know when like you use a word really, really well in vocabulary, and then suddenly you use it constantly for like the next couple of weeks because you used it so well that one time. That's that's been me with enabler recently. Incredible. So that's interesting.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:23

It's in the air. It's in the air. I see, and I I feel like that's just like a really crappy superhero power. It's the enabler. And he just like walks around and enables people. I think that's that, yeah. It's like you're robbing a bank. Yeah, you got it, bud. Rob that bank. The cops are gonna come, but like who cares? But it's it, but it's fun. Yeah, you get it. Yeah, but that's like salt does that. I can't, I don't normally talk about how much I like a word, but I that's like that one resonated with me so deeply in my soul. Salt enables. Yeah, it does. I've never considered this. I have never considered this. There's only been one other word that has had this reaction to me in this podcast, and that was enhance.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:06

Enhance.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:07

And I felt like it's the same thing. Where it's a yeah, it's just it's kind of a mix of it.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:11

But a normal day-to-day vocabulary, those two words are not quite the same thing. I would argue enable it. But in this case, they are pretty close. That is interesting. 32 episodes in. Yeah. I'm glad it's happening. I think it's you got something? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:28

Oh, I can probably guess.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:29

Yeah. No, I don't take it away.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:32

We take you now to a teenage boy's room where he has just discovered his superpower is enabling.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:39

Wow. I can't believe I've helped my tortoise get to run.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:48

Son. Oh, hi Dad. I'm thinking about leaving your mom. Wow.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:57

That is so heavy.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:59

I know.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:59

And Is it something that I've done?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:02

Well, it's nothing to do with you.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:03

I mean, it's like kind of your fault, but like that's not like the reason. What do you think? I haven't told her yet. She's off with her training instructor again. You're you'll be a better man. You think I would be a better man? I think you'd be a better father. If I left your mom, who's with her instructor, who teaches her how to train? Yeah. Her training instructor.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:36

Well, I'm gonna do it then. I got my lawyer right here. What do you think, lawyer? Um should I leave her the papers?

SPEAKER_09 1:11:43

I don't wanna I don't want to enter your son's room, so I'm just standing right outside. I mean, it's legal, I'm allowing it. He's also 14. I I know. That's that's kind of exactly the age of child that I don't want to enter their own personal room, but yeah, it's fine. I'm right outside. Uh, how are you doing, son? Uh it's good to see you, Mr. Smith. Okay, well, I can't see you right now because I'm out in the hallway, but uh it's fine. Uh so father's brought me along. He's I'm gonna be honest, he seems pretty set, and it just feels like he suddenly need someone to give him a prod to actually make the decision. Uh so if that's you, then it's you. If it's not you, it could be someone else. Mr.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:20

Smith, I happen to have a briefcase full of money. What? Okay. It generated because I'm a powerful person.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:29

What? I'm I'm okay. I'm I'm increasingly want to wanting to look inside the room now.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:36

Uh I can give you this money if you can help my father. You can give me me the money? Wow, you're enabling him so well. Trying to hire you to help your father my help my father to secure his lawyer.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:49

Secure his life for the future. This is great. I was gonna have to sell myself on the street to Yeah. We were we were just going over the options, and it was it was basically just straight to prostitution. Son, should I sell myself for money on the street anyway? I think you could do a very good job at that, father.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:04

Wow, you are such an enabler.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:06

I could I could use this money and I could I could get you front row seat on skun on skid row.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:14

I see for you as a pimp for my father.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:19

Whoa.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:19

And other fathers, single dads who need a new lease on life.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:23

I've never considered this before, but this this is making a lot of sense now that you're putting into speaking terms. What a great son.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:31

You know, we did get that acceptance letter for the Xavier's School of Witchcraft and Wizard of Dream. I think it's I think you might have a special power. What do you mean? Tell me to do something that I kind of want to do. Well, what's what well what is something you don't want to do? Well, it's like I kind of want to watch TV, but like that'd be a waste of time when I could be out pedaling in the Oh the TV turned on.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:59

Yeah, I I've set it up. I I knew how much you like watching a little bit of TV at night before you go to bed.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:05

Oh, late night with Jimmy Fallons on, that's my favorite show.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:09

I love it.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:10

It is the best of all late night. He does such a good job at interviewing and doing game shows.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:17

You know, the the thing that would mean the most to me is to spend a little bit of time with you before you go away and become a prostitute with Mr. Smith.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:24

And before you go to school? Before I go to school. Okay, let's do that.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:29

Hey wait, guys, look. Jimmy Fallon. He's announcing that he's retiring. He's done. He's not going to be a late night host anymore. He just doesn't have the same spark anymore. He only he only wanted to do it because on the TV.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:45

Jimmy walks in. Mr. Fallon. What are you doing here on the TV?

SPEAKER_05 1:14:59

I you've done a great job. You've done a great job for so many years. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've brought so many people joy and Oh, no, I don't know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:12

I think it's time for you to move on. Who's this? Well, that's what I was thinking in the back of my mind, but I was like, Yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:23

People need you back at home. My my family? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Back in New Jersey.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:28

Okay. Well, Jimmy, we need you.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:31

I brought them. This is your grandmother.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:33

Oh, we need you back at home, Jimmy. Okay. Yeah. This young man who calls himself the enabler wears a game. Enabler. And underneath his button shirt is a big E. Wow. It kind of looks like the Ellen degenerous E.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:50

Look at that. He's got an E on there. And uh so I'm gonna Okay, I'm gonna go home. Okay, bye.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:54

Okay, bye. In five years, the Enabler walking the streets of Manhattan. Sir, I just want I just need a I just need a couple bucks.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:03

And then I can buy so much weed.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:07

Come with me.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:11

We enter a forest glade.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:14

Wow, it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:16

Why are you bringing me here, sir enabler, sir? I I brought you here to start your own farm. So you don't need anything. And here I have prepared a portion of the forest outside of Manhattan for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:34

Wow. This is beautiful. And you're saying I can just grow my own weed.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:39

Yes, I've here are the permits for the land.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:41

Whoa!

SPEAKER_06 1:16:42

And here is here's a uh um a business license.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:47

Wow. Oh, you did it all. You got the grow lights and the the people who work for me.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:54

Yep, I've I brought you some some people. This is Hello. This is Elliot. Uh Elliot. I'm Elliot. Uh I like growing weed.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:02

So put me to work. All right, yeah. Get the work, get the work. I don't know how to grow weed. Should I go to school or something?

SPEAKER_06 1:17:08

Or here's your diploma.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:11

Oh, I immediately know how to grow weed now.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:14

I don't know if you know how to grow weed, but that's why Elliot's here. Yeah. Oh, Elliot. But now you have you.

SPEAKER_09 1:17:17

I grow the weed and you're just you just you just run the place.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:20

Wow.

SPEAKER_09 1:17:22

Excellent.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:23

Well, let's go. Let's grow weed. Let's do it. Let's grow weed together.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:28

The enabler alone on the top of the Eiffel Tower. After 30 years of helping every person in the world. Looking out at the sunset and wondering what else is left to do.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:47

The clouds form and his dad appears.

SPEAKER_09 1:17:53

Son.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:54

Oh, oh, dad!

SPEAKER_09 1:17:55

I turned into a cloud. That's oh I can't. You enabled me to chase my lifelong dream of being amorphous. Father. I'm not dead or anything. Just to be clear, I'm not dead. I just I just figured out how to be a cloud.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:16

Father, for so many years, you've come to I have so many questions. Sure. You've come to me at the moment of desperation.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:25

I have indeed.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:27

I have helped so many people, and I have no purpose of my own. Can you see inside of me and see my great purpose? Allow me to take a look.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:44

No, I'm just kidding. I can't do that. That's not a thing I could do. That was kind of fun. It was very tingly. It's like being in one of those hurricane machines. Yeah, yeah. But there's no money or anything.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:56

It's just fun. It was fun. It was fun.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:59

And that's what I needed.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:01

There's someone down there talking to you.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:04

Hi, I'm the mechanic of this building. The mechanic of the Eiffel Tower? Yep. And I just flew my way up here. I'm just curious what you're doing. Looking a little forlorn. Where's my father?

SPEAKER_07 1:19:18

He was just here.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:19

He came to me in the shape of a cloud. Uh no, it's just me and you. Um, what you doing? You're not thinking about, you know, taking a little tumble.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:31

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:36

And thus ends the story of the enabler. As quickly as it began.

SPEAKER_09 1:19:45

He helped the entire world. Oh my god. And then he disappeared.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:49

And that was it. He never landed at the bottom of the of the Paris floor. No. He fell. And some say he's still falling through all of eternity. To this day. To this day. To this very day. They never recovered a body. But the mechanic of the Eiffel Tower saw him jump off.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:06

Yeah. At least so he claims. So he claims that he may be being enabled. Man, alive. That was awesome. You hear that uh Marvel, we got your new super here.

SPEAKER_10 1:20:19

We got your new super here. Incredible.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:22

The enabler. That was fun.

SPEAKER_09 1:20:24

I like the enabler a lot. That was that was that was a great little vignette.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:31

Oh, that was that was good. Well, David, thank you so much for coming on.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:34

Dude, it's been an absolute pleasure.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:36

This has been so much fun. Actually, uh about 20 episodes ago, I was like, dude, Emily, my wife, David Thorpe, would be so excellent for this podcast. And I talked to Spencer Ford, our mutual friend. I was like, Do you think David would come on? He's like, Yeah, just call him. You know Spencer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:52

Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, just bring him on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:56

That's our friend Spencer.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:58

That's Spencer. That's Spencer. That's Spencer in a word.

unknown 1:21:03

Yeah!

SPEAKER_04 1:21:06

Yeah! Okay, that's enough Spencerism. I'm gonna send him just that clip. Oh man. Um, well, once again, David, let's tell the people what we're doing.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:18

We are invite him again. Performing for you a new musical about family, about demon possession, about the meaning of life. Called possession. Nope. Possessive. Called possessive exclamation point. The musical exclamation point. It's the possessive form of possession. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_09 1:21:38

You get it? Yeah, I get it. Yes. And we're performing. We're always assumed, even though I've never you never told me about the plot or anything. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:46

How about performing at the oh yeah, well, it's really fun. Tell him give him elevator pitch. Here's the elevator pitch.

SPEAKER_09 1:21:51

I know somebody gets possessed?

SPEAKER_06 1:21:52

A little boy gets possessed. And it turns out by him. By Derek Women.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:59

All of the women named Derek.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:01

By Derek Women. And this boy, it turns out he's a much better person once he's possessed than when he was not possessed. Okay. And his parents agree with the demon to let him be in the sun. Uh as long as he keeps up the housework and the keeps up the grace. Yeah, exactly. That's true. But uh and then they find out that the demon was just lying and then they have to go through the process of trying to exercise him. And they fail and they fail and they fail until they succeed.

unknown 1:22:34

Yep.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:34

That's the entire plot of the movie. That's the whole time. At that point, it's gonna be a well-polished machine. Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:44

Me and David will both have all of our lines down.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:46

Oh my gosh, I can't wait till September when I have my lines down.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:48

Me too. After we get back from Edinburgh.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:51

Yeah, exactly. Amazing. Uh there's also a love story. So if you're into love, if you're not into demons, but you're into love.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:57

I can take it or leave it. I feel like they cross.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:01

Yeah, it's got a great little love story.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:03

It really does. Uh really fun pop punk rock music from the early 2000s. A lot of fun. Amazing. I rap as a priest. Amazing. Which is awesome. Yeah. Um I never thought I'd be able to rap. I watched Hamilton and went, I can't do that. No. And now I rap. Yeah. You hey now. You can do it. The words come out of my mouth with diction. You're great. They're great. And it's funnier because I'm bad at it. No, you do it.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:33

Honestly, you do a good job. I was just I was just jerking your chain. Thank you. You're welcome. Anything for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:39

Sometimes somebody else needs to do it. I needed an enabling to get my jerk chained. I mean chain jerked. Tomato tomato.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:49

I think it's 1 a.m. Oh, for real? It's not quite. Oh, it almost is.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:53

Wow, the time flew by. All right. Well, we'll cut it then. Uh David, I I need a request from you. What's that?

SPEAKER_06 1:24:00

I'll jerk your chain.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:02

Thank you. No, no, no. So it's the end of the episode, and I need a sign off. And I can't, for the life of me, figure out a way to sign myself off. Will you sign me off? Will you give me a sign off to say?

SPEAKER_06 1:24:14

Raise your right hand. Put your left hand on your head. Okay. I, Derek Women.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:18

I need Derek to be able to remember this. I need to be able to remember this. That's part of the gimmick. I, Derek Women. I Derek Women. Pledge my heart.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:26

Pledge my heart. To you, the fan. To you, the fan. That I will always keep you near. Keep you near. And my thoughts and my heart.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:34

Thoughts and my heart.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:35

Until our dying day. Our dying day.

unknown 1:24:38

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:38

Good luck, buddy! Alright, one last thing for you. Do you have a goal for the week?

SPEAKER_06 1:24:48

My goal for this week is to have like my mind just flooded with so many things. Let it all out. My goal for this week was to be present for my son. Oh beautiful. My goal for this week is to get my lines memorized for possessive and for 1776 that I'm also in right now. That's true. Which is insane. My goal for this week is to finish the rewrites on the scripts that I'm working on. And to kill more ninjas in Assassin's Creed, Shadows and whatever that it's called. I think it's just Shadows.

SPEAKER_09 1:25:37

Shadow list. Good list of goals.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:39

Wow. Derek, what's your goal for the week?

SPEAKER_03 1:25:41

My goals for the week is a lot simpler.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:45

I was gonna say uh make time for my family and learn my lines. Nice. You made me inspired to have two goals. It's definitely late. My word gets crumble. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:56

Speaking real quick, my goal also is to tell everybody that crumble cookies suck so bad.

SPEAKER_09 1:26:02

So agree. They suck so bad. They suck. So much.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:06

It's such a gimmick. The entire thing.

SPEAKER_09 1:26:09

It's a gimmick and it's low quality. Low quality.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:12

Oh man.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:12

They're made by a bunch of teenagers.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:14

Dude, and every time you go in there, people just get confused by the new options and say, Oh, I haven't tried this yet. I gotta try this thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:21

It's a gimmick. And then you have them and they're just mid.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:24

They're worse than mid. They're way worse than that.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:26

Sometimes they're mid.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:27

But most of the time they're really bad. Oh yeah. I mean, that's why you try the chocolate chip. You try the chocolate chip and you realize, oh, this cookie sucks.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:33

Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting how they make it though. They make a big ball and then they put it under a super, super high heat.

SPEAKER_09 1:26:40

Oh, I thought you were just gonna say that they the thing that I said earlier about your fatal flaw in making cookies. Oh they just put it all a big blob in the oven. I mean, that's kind of how they do it. I thought you were making a joke. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:53

But they also are milk chocolate. Also fatal flaw. They are milk chocolate.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:57

All right, Dan, what's your goal for the week? I really want a chocolate chip cookie, man.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:00

Dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:01

Midway bakery, come with me. Come with me.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:03

So right now it's only one letter. Let's go. I mean, they're gonna be baking soon.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:06

That's true. That's true. Fresh cookie.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:08

Fresh cookie. Fresh cookie.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:09

Fruki.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:10

Fruky.

unknown 1:27:11

Fruka.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:13

Frikaze is a type of lettuce. Frikese, sorry.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:17

Frikasia is a type of Frakcia. Frakasha is a type of fracasia.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:23

I'm so excited to try cookies with you in Edinburgh. Oh dude.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:26

Dan, would you like to see it? They're gonna be terrible.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:27

Yeah, they're gonna be so bad. Dan, you want to say your goal for the week?

SPEAKER_06 1:27:30

I do.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:31

Oh, I actually had a cookie when I was in Malaysia. And it was not good. Not good. Yeah, it was terrible. Actually, all the American food there was.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:38

I had a chocolate chip cookie in Singapore. Yeah. Not good. And Malaysia is bordering Singapore, so yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:43

Dan?

SPEAKER_01 1:27:45

Alton Brown actually just published a new video on chocolate chip cookies. You should watch it. It was really good.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:52

Oh, it's crazy. Alton Brown?

SPEAKER_01 1:27:53

Oh, yeah, I did watch it. Yeah, it was really good.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:56

He put a lot of salt on it. It was really good. He was crazy. What's up? I was for the first time ever not gonna make a joke. Oh no!

SPEAKER_04 1:28:06

I was gonna say something really serious. I'm so sorry. Okay. Well now we've reached we've reached the pinnacle of the moment where I always try to think of something really, really funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:14

You do what time I was just gonna say something really. I'm so ready.

SPEAKER_09 1:28:19

Okay. My goal for the week is to remember that you you can't have bad days. Or you can't have good days unless there's bad days first. That's true. And uh so tomorrow might be another bad day. But that just means that down the line you're gonna have two good days in a row. Wow. That was actually like really touching. That is great. Thank you. And also, my goal for the week is to visit New Mexico as soon as I possibly can. Track down the Duolingo bird. Burn down every single solar or wind turbine plant I can find. Oh my goodness. All right. Well Fragatcha.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:02

That's Fogatcha. Okay, okay, give it a shot.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:05

We've been talking for a minute. I know, and I can't remember these after like 10 seconds. Uh I, Derek Wayne Woman, do solemn what do solemnly swear, do pledge. I pledge my heart and my soul and my groin and my calves to you, the listener, dear listener, that I love you and I will be here for you, and I will enable you in your things. In the name of Jesus Christ, I'm mad. Pretty good. And we will catch you on the flip side. Like soft.