33 - Dancing ( W/Brock Harris)

Transcript

SPEAKER_10 0:00

Throughout time, philosophers have befuddledly wondered aloud the answer to one simple question. How do you describe salt without saying salty? Today, in this very podcast studio, two non-philosophers will attempt to answer that question with the help of some special guests and the time-tested medium of long form improv. Whether or not that improv will actually have anything to do with the topic at hand is frankly not up in the air. It won't have anything to do with it. But you'll still want to listen anyway. Welcome to Describe Salt.

SPEAKER_06 0:50

Mics are working. Microphones working. Microphones are working. Microphones are working.

SPEAKER_08 0:56

Hey, that's the first step to any good podcast. Second step, Derek. The second step to any good podcast. I think dead. Dead. The second step to any good podcast is having a premise that no one else has done before. Oh. Um so we've already lost. Yeah, this is like the fifth some podcast.

SPEAKER_06 1:18

This is like the fifth podcast out there that's specifically about describing salt. Only salt.

SPEAKER_08 1:23

Dan, you're moving to LA. I am. Uh well. Probably. That's the plan. That's definitely the plan. And when you're out there, I will not be. Because my house is not transportable. True. So I am going to have to. That is that is one of the reasons that I'm able to move to LA is that I don't own a house. Get on that. The real estate market is trash, so it looks like the best. That's a lie. Um, Dan, when you're out there, you're gonna be living one degree closer to Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. More than one degree, I'd say. Four. Four degrees. But don't you worry, Derek. I have thought about this a lot. If if I get the call at 3 a.m. and you say, Derek, Paul F. Tompkins is in my living room. You need to get here as fast as you can. I will take the next flight. Okay, there's there's only one problem with this story so far. What? I'm going to be living as close to Beverly Hills as I possibly can.

SPEAKER_06 2:19

I will not have a living room.

SPEAKER_08 2:21

Okay, so you will say in a half studio apartment at best. Paul F. Tompkins is in my bathroom. Yes. Taking a dump.

SPEAKER_06 2:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:30

He needs toilet paper, and I'm out of money because I'm living in LA. He doesn't know that I'm about to put him on a podcast, but he is about to be on the podcast. And I will say, delay, stall. Okay. Do whatever you can. Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can. I'll just keep feeding him fiber capsules.

SPEAKER_09 2:48

It's okay, Paul.

SPEAKER_08 2:49

Keep eating your stay on that toilet. We gotta have you pooping for at least three more hours. How long does it take to get to L paper? The best way to poop without toilet paper is to poop clean. So just just keep it going. It didn't listen to me. Don't ask Google. I'm gonna ask Google. Don't ask Google. Google's gonna use AI. Don't use Google.

SPEAKER_10 3:08

Don't use Google.

SPEAKER_08 3:10

How long does it take to get to LA from my house? Driving? Anyway. Like 12 hours. Nine hours and 42 minutes. I could take the train, which would take 46 hours and 31 minutes. I could take the buses. If I take the buses, it will take 13 hours and 30 minutes. That's actually not too bad. It's not too bad. You can definitely take the bus. Uh according to the AI overview, it says it will take one hour and 20 minutes. Wow. Amazing. Amazing.

SPEAKER_04 3:39

Oh, you've done it.

SPEAKER_10 3:40

It's crazy that we've been making jokes about how bad the AI overviews are for like two and a half straight years now. They haven't gotten any better. It's crazy. It's crazy that they're okay with that.

SPEAKER_08 3:53

And then underneath it, it says you could in two hours or less just reach Bear Lake. Cool. Thanks.

SPEAKER_10 4:02

Hey, we you know, we noticed that you wanted to go to LA. It's a little far away. But for seven hours less, you can just go to Bear Lake. Hey, it's the beach of the Rockies. Is that what they call it? The Caribbean of the Rockies.

SPEAKER_08 4:18

No one's ever said that. No, they call it like the Caribbean of the Rockies or something. No. Something like that. The Loch Ness monster lives there, but no one's ever said that it's the Rockies of the Right. No, I think genuinely people call it like the Caribbean of the Rockies. No?

SPEAKER_06 4:31

So I'm Derek, and this is a podcast about improv. Oh, and I'm Dan, and this is a podcast about improv.

SPEAKER_08 4:37

You do that more and more sad every day. I do. I do. Um, Dan, I actually have some good news for you. We just got in a really, really heated debate about whether or not Bear Lake was called The Caribbean of the Rockies. I might even be wrong about that, but it's something like that. Lucky for you, we have an actual bear from Bear Lake in the studio today. He's been studying Bear Lake for years. He was blending into the wall ever since you put that big fur shag carpet on the wall. Well, he's I didn't even see him. So it'd be a little nice. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought that was okay to say. Big Bear. Welcome in.

SPEAKER_05 5:14

How are you doing?

SPEAKER_10 5:15

Oh, good, good. It's so good to have you here. No, no, wait. So we usually here's the thing. We we like bringing experts on the podcast of varying fields.

SPEAKER_08 5:25

Uh because we want what? Hey, big bear, just one second. What's happening? He is an expert. He's an expert on being a bear. When did I say he wasn't? I was about to ask that. Oh. What? Well now I'm just uncomfortable. What's happening?

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Hey, big bear. Hey, hey. Quick quick uh correction. I I don't prefer big bear.

SPEAKER_08 5:44

Oh, shoot. That's what it said. That's what our second. Hey, I'm so sorry. Can I could just have a quick aside with my Derek? Derek. Yeah. He doesn't prefer Big Bear. I literally heard it. Don't you see me flipping through the folders? Look, right here. It says, why do you have so many folders on every single expert every single time? It literally says right here. Guest Big Bear. Preferred name? It does say James. James. It's James.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Hi. James. James, should we call you James? My name ain't James. It's it's Tupaz McGoo. Tupaz McGoo. Derek, look at the biggest. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm telling you, Big Bear as is a bear that is uh um not very high advanced. Uh you know, I'm five foot two. I I don't feel very comfortable being called Big Bear. That makes sense. Tupaz Magoo. Tupaz Magoo. Are you related in any way to Tupac? No. But you're not the first person to ask me. He's not?

SPEAKER_08 6:39

Really? That actually checks out. I'd be I got there. So I yeah, what about Mr. McGoo? In a lot of places that I wouldn't expect you to go. Mr. Magoo, or are you related to Mr. Magoo? Mr.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

McGoo makes sense. I'm gonna be honest with you, I changed my name a few years ago. This this whole getting into looking into uh the Caribbean of the Rockies. I I've been doing a lot of research and I I felt like I had to just really dive right in and kind of change my uh identity even. I I I I changed my name. That's my name.

SPEAKER_08 7:10

What was your name before? Was it James? Yes. Oh, yeah. We don't have to talk about James.

SPEAKER_05 7:15

We don't have to talk about James.

SPEAKER_08 7:16

Is it true? Now we we can talk about the Caribbean and the Rockies, but I feel like we've entered an important juncture. Like the one that you hit on your way to Bear Lake from my house. Is it true that Mr. Magoo was involved in Tupac's death? Is it is this is there a reason that is it's a wildly sorted conspiracy theory that Tupac was murdered by someone in Mr. Magoo's gang. I was just curious, since your name is really close to those two things.

SPEAKER_06 7:44

Why isn't that when has that ever been a thing that just having a name similar means you know all the insider info on Well, I'm I'm gonna tell you the truth.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Um He probably knows Dan. I always listen to Tupac's music. Okay. Um it really so it there's something here where it his music always spoke very deeply with me. The reason that I did choose Tupaz Magoo is because I there is something there. Wow. Um I don't know, we can get into it if you'd like.

SPEAKER_08 8:17

It's a little bit we were technically here to talk about the Caribbean or the Rockies, but I mean I'm I'm I'm a little I'm a little lost. Um could you just name You're the one that let us get this back? Could you just name any Tupac song?

SPEAKER_10 8:32

Why are you asking him? He's an expert.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Uh yeah. Okay. Fine. Of course. But I I I never thought of them as the actual okay. I see you laughing over there. No, no, no. He doesn't look at the titles of the song when he's listening. He just listens to the side. I always called them something different. Okay. Yeah. Obviously. Obviously. That's how it works. There's titles of songs. Also, I just there's actually like what I feel when I hear it. Yeah, and what I call it.

SPEAKER_10 9:05

And I just want to say that I feel like, for fairness' sake, for every song that you're able to name, Derek should be able to name like three more.

SPEAKER_08 9:14

That's probably true. But you know, I also don't know the names of the songs. It just go off how I feel. You just go off how they feel.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Well, some of my favorites are Every Blueberry Sunday. Oh, that was a great one. I really like A Long Walk to Pittsburgh, and then Classic.

SPEAKER_06 9:32

My favorite classic West Coast rap scene.

SPEAKER_08 9:35

Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

My favorite is uh Come on, son.

SPEAKER_08 9:39

Come on, son. Come on, son. Is that the one? It is. Yeah, it is. Oh, no need to expound. Um for me, since I have to name nine now. You sure do is is the rules of this. This is a great way to spend the next 15 minutes on the side.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

We can make it 12 if you'd like. No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_08 9:58

Please do not name any more songs, Mr. Tupaz McGu.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Tupaz. I'm sorry. No, that was another name of a song I like. We can make it twelve if you'd like. One of my favorites.

SPEAKER_08 10:08

Okay, we're up to twelve. Uh how about I just name my favorite album that has 12 songs on it? Is that alright? As l as long as it has exactly 12.

SPEAKER_06 10:16

I got Apple Music right in front of me right now. Will you pull that up?

SPEAKER_10 10:19

Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_08 10:20

Okay, tell me one Tupac album. Uh my favorite is uh Death to Will Smith. I've got news. What's up? Tupac never wrote music. I literally thought it was the two was spelled out. Me too. I'm very confused. Is Tupac not real? What's happening? Did we slip into an alternate reality where Tupac wasn't real? Tupac's Magoo. Do you know about this?

SPEAKER_10 10:56

Who is this?

SPEAKER_08 10:57

I don't know. Dan's looking fervently at his phone.

SPEAKER_10 11:00

No, it is Tupac. What is going on?

SPEAKER_00 11:03

I'm gonna tell you why I don't know the names of the song. Um I've I I am a bear, and I've only recently started to learn English. And I don't know if you can understand. My words are not always quite. You're doing great. You're doing really good.

SPEAKER_10 11:23

I didn't get that one. What was that?

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Synclinical. Is that not how you say it? It's like a word.

SPEAKER_10 11:30

It's like cyclical?

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Is that what is trying to say cyclical?

SPEAKER_08 11:34

Damn it. Sorry.

SPEAKER_10 11:35

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_08 11:36

It's okay because I've been working on this for years now. I'll tell you what, I don't think cyclical is the right word either. I said the wrong album name. Okay. Please forgive me. Uh the album name I meant to say was The Passion of Tupac. Which was obviously his cover album of the famous movie The Passion of the Christ.

SPEAKER_06 11:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 11:57

I'll take your word.

SPEAKER_06 11:58

Yeah. Please do. Two positive. I I genuinely can't remember why you even said the word what concyclical. Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

What'd you say? I I I'm a bear. You're a bear. Yeah. And I I haven't spoken English for a long time. And I moved here to Utah to study about this bear lake. Sure. Because I thought, wow, why is their lake named after me? Yeah. My people. And I had to learn the language. I had to get to know people. I had to take classes. Yeah. And I I feel like I got the dyslexia for speech, but in like a bear kind of way.

SPEAKER_08 12:34

It's dyslexia. Mm-hmm. Because you're Okay, there he goes again. Yeah, this is a good thing. Are you making fun of him? I'm not making fun of you. I did notice something in your speech, though. You did say, I haven't spoken English for a long time. Are you about to get dig into the semantics right now when we're having a conversation about English not being his first language? Let me sidebar it. Please enjoy the fruit snacks. Dan, Dan, what? What? Here's the thing. Here's the thing. He's really getting after those fruit snacks. He is eating so many fruit snacks. I only have one box. He's a bear. Maybe I should have provided a steak. He said, I haven't spoken English for a long time, which implied that he used to speak English and then stopped and then became a bear. What? Well, okay.

SPEAKER_06 13:24

You lost me. He lost me. Also used to be.

SPEAKER_08 13:31

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's a real bear. But Dan, why would he speak about bears and how cute and fuzzy they are? Why would he not know it? He hasn't tried to rip my balls off one time. He tried to rip my balls off. He didn't tell me. We wouldn't even have this conversation. Well, he did. Anyway, Mr. Tupaz, sorry that we keep sidebarring. Were those fruit snacks any good? Here's the thing.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

As you guys were talking, have you ever seen those videos of people uh literally becoming a dog? You know, you got people, yeah, men who decide to become women. Women decide to be it's it's the world we live in. It's okay. I'm all happy. People are becoming dogs. Is he talking about furries right now? No, I am saying people are like like becoming dogs.

SPEAKER_08 14:22

Yeah, they do. I've actually seen these videos. They like put on the saddle, not the saddle, the like leashes. The saddle, the leashes. Some of them get muzzled, they walk around on all four. Okay, yes, I have actually been.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

I don't mean to be offensive by all my talk, anyways, of all this becoming things, you know. I I have a very complicated past. And as far as like Darren, did you hear that?

SPEAKER_08 14:44

Everybody has a complicated past, Derek. Everybody has public.

SPEAKER_10 14:50

Okay, okay, hey, hey, hey.

SPEAKER_06 14:51

Can I can I ask you a question? Only a only a human guy would know. Only a human guy would know. Hey. Uh uh in the NFL. How how how much is a field goal worth?

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Well, you kick a field goal. Okay, you can. Oh, I can't believe it. Do you know what the NFL is? I think so.

SPEAKER_08 15:25

He's sweating so profusely. Oh man. I think he knows what the NFL is. He's he almost jumped right in. No bear would know what the NFL was. Unless he's from Chicago. I think he's a bear from Chicago. Are you from Chicago? Are you a Chicago bear?

SPEAKER_01 15:42

I played the fourth.

SPEAKER_08 15:44

He played the fourth! You played in the fourth quarter of the game? I knew it! Derek, you were right this whole time! Your name's really James, and you're a guy from Chicago. You're a guy. James Guy! The famous Chicago bear! It's you! Well, James, this has been incredibly uplifting. I haven't learned anything.

SPEAKER_10 16:08

Oh, yeah, we were supposed to talk about the Caribbean or the Rockies.

SPEAKER_08 16:11

But I feel like we've ruined your credibility as a bear and as a human. I apologize for that. You're in the Hall of Fame! Your publicist will speak with our publicist. We'll see what we can post. Um, I think we're gonna have to let you go early.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

This is okay with me. Do you mind if I take the fruit snacks?

SPEAKER_08 16:30

Well, there are Are there any left? There are one, two, three left. So you can go ahead and just take the bowl. That's why he was able to eat all those fruit snacks. Because he's a NFL player. You ever seen a bear open a freaking packet of fruit snacks? It's impossible! Why did we put up fruit snacks for a bear? That doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Anyway, Fridge said when he played with me.

SPEAKER_08 16:52

Uh well, I think it's not very good for me. I do know the fridge. I do know the fridge.

SPEAKER_10 16:58

I know nothing. And I know the purple people eaters. Did you you you played with them? You play you played. Anyway.

SPEAKER_08 17:07

Allegedly? Okay. Well, it's we've definitely hit that time. Yeah, we're gonna go to a break. We need a break. We need to uh get rid of uh all the NFL players in the room and move on. We'll be right back. Wow, Casper Mastresses are still sponsoring us even after the allegations have come out. And even after we've continually uh just just shit all over them. Terrible company. I I mean they the only thing they're good for is to shit on. Yeah. Like if I don't have a bathroom, I have a Casper mattress.

SPEAKER_06 17:40

Yeah, and we keep saying that, and it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_08 17:42

They keep giving us the sponsorship. Sending me Casper mattresses to shit on. Derek, but I don't know. Do you think do you think maybe they're not listening to the podcast like they said they were? I don't think they are. They have so many sponsors, man. That's such a good thing. They're sponsoring like PewDiePie. You know, he's like doing he's doing like AI and stuff now. Is PewDiePie doing stuff? I don't know. Is he up to anything? I Yeah, he posted a video the other day or whatever. Okay. Well, it's it's like sad. Yeah, he like he moved away. He doesn't live here anymore. Where? Live where he doesn't like live here anymore. Anyway, let's our guest of the day. Uh Brock, how's it going, man? Hello, Brock. Hello. How's it going? It's going. Hey, good. Happy to be here.

SPEAKER_10 18:26

Welcome in. Introduce yourself. Sure. What do you want to know? Uh uh name? Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_08 18:33

Place of birth.

SPEAKER_10 18:35

One thing at a time.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

One thing you grew up on. Name. I'm my I'm Brock. You could you can call me what you'd like, Broccoli, Brockbuster. Pretty good.

SPEAKER_08 18:45

Uh more.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Brock. Okay, Brock. I was born. Brock.

SPEAKER_08 18:49

I'm probably just gonna land on Brock for now. That's great. That's great. But we'll see. Broccoliza? What?

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Broccoli is usually the go-to. Broccoli. Oh, broccoli. You know, vegetables. You have you have a nickname.

SPEAKER_06 19:01

And now what people could call you broccoli haircut, because that's the thing.

SPEAKER_08 19:04

What the hell is a broccoli haircut? It's a broccoli haircut.

SPEAKER_10 19:08

It's the haircut. It's literally if it was, we would know what I'm picturing. No, it's literally, this is true. Yes, it's the one you're thinking of. It's because it's now broccoli. It's get this. You guys are gonna be really mad. It is now officially the most common haircut in human history. What?

SPEAKER_08 19:28

The broccoli haircut. Is it because people like hated broccoli growing up, so they were like doing a Batman thing? What? No. Yeah. It's haircut. Oh, I see that haircut all the time. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

I'm seeing Clark Kent Superman movie.

SPEAKER_08 19:44

He was very handsome.

SPEAKER_10 19:45

Entire pop-up broccoli haircut salons have popped up in major cities all over the world that teach people how to do that haircut and nothing else.

SPEAKER_08 19:55

It's a good haircut. It's pretty good. You know, it wouldn't work for me. I don't look, I don't look max enough. Yeah, I don't I don't I don't care for it.

SPEAKER_10 20:01

Is it like perm?

SPEAKER_00 20:02

You think people are getting is that part of it?

SPEAKER_10 20:06

I think it depends, but yes, I think the perm is kind of part of it. You don't have to perm. You can just kind of get it all.

SPEAKER_08 20:12

Would you disown me if I used AI to give myself this haircut? I would not like that. Okay. I'm so curious what I would look like with this. Because it's like I don't want to commit to that. That's the one thing AI is good for, Dan. There is one thing, but it's and it's giving me a haircut. It's st it's still using it's so much training data to do that thing. It's fine, it's fine. I don't want to give it my face anyway, Dan. God. Well, you already have so that's not an issue. What's your mother's maiden name? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Yeah. My mother's maiden name?

SPEAKER_08 20:42

Yeah, we're trying to figure out better uh interview questions. Yeah. If your mother was on Iron Maiden, what would her name be? Her maiden name is Red Door.

SPEAKER_10 20:50

It's like, what's your woofing brand name or whatever?

SPEAKER_00 20:52

Red Door.

SPEAKER_08 20:53

Red Door? What? Like the popular, uh, the popular uh escape room company?

unknown 20:58

What?

SPEAKER_00 20:59

I have heard of that. Um they're great. I'm playing tennis right now with you guys. What's happening?

SPEAKER_08 21:04

Uh, if you didn't know, Dan was sitting between me and Brock, which is why he's playing tennis and I kept and I kept his head to see. We are, yeah.

unknown 21:12

Book.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

Love five. What is this?

SPEAKER_09 21:16

I'm trying to think of it's not a thing. Oh, it's not.

SPEAKER_08 21:20

I was trying to think of everything all of my Wii Sports knowledge. Can we talk about porn for a second? Oh my gosh. We're just we are sports? We are right now. One of my first experiences with pornography.

SPEAKER_10 21:34

On Wii Sports?

SPEAKER_08 21:36

Was this I'm probably gonna edit this out. But are you no? Well, maybe we'll see. Was uh it was the one we're using a Wii mote in a not great way. Well, a great arguably a great way for I I understand it. You have imaginations. I understand. Uh and then he was like using the girls. I want to take it back. There is no taking a path.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

I'd like to join you on this journey, but I kind of spaced out a little bit more.

SPEAKER_08 22:08

Wait, there is only moving on. I wish I could take a path. There is only moving on. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Red door? Why? We're talking about red door? What's happening? That's that's my mother's maiden name. Oh. I don't believe you. That's fine.

SPEAKER_08 22:25

But also, I kind of do believe you, and I want that to be true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

What's your last name? This is this is truth, is that I actually like have a lot of Native American heritage and ancestors. And Brock actually is named after I don't know how far back, great-grandpa, Brocky Two Bears was his nickname.

SPEAKER_08 22:44

Are you being 100% for real? For real. That is the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life and fits so well with the day.

SPEAKER_05 22:52

Oh man that's amazing.

SPEAKER_08 22:53

Can I quick quick sidebar? I one time went to Yellowstone and we we were all like stuck in line to exit the park because there was a bear on on the road, and people were like outside taking pictures of the bear. And I don't know if I've told you a story on this podcast before, but we all got out of the car and we were like looking at the bear. I think I've heard this one. And the bear stood up and started dancing because it was a guy in a costume. What? At Yellowstone Park. This is real. This really happened. We were sitting there, everybody like there was a huge line of cars just watching this bear like wander out really close to the road. Right outside Yellowstone for 60 years. I've never heard of this happening. It's been real. It really, really happened. This is genuinely real. There was a guy in a bear costume, and he just got up and started dancing, and like everybody was pissed because they thought it was a real bear, and everyone was like taking pictures of him. And then he just walked away. I have tried to find it. I've tried looking online. I've Googled this. I can't find evidence of it anywhere, but it really happened. Everyone who was in the car remembers this. You can put us in a scene if you want. We find ourselves on a beach in Hawaii at Haleakala National Park. You would. Where a bunch of tourists are gathering around. Uh now I have to think of an animal.

SPEAKER_10 24:14

On a beached giant squid. Oh, look at it flopping. This is this is look, I'm no like expert in like marine biology or whatever, but I'm pretty sure there's only been like eight sightings of giant squid ever.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

Is this supposed to look like that? I think so. Like why why? I don't know. It has too many tentacles. What do you mean? How many do you think they have? Are you an expert? Are you a marine biologist?

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Every time I think about a squid, I think they ought to have about six tentacles. Six?

SPEAKER_08 24:47

John, John, it's getting really hot in here. How long do I have to stay on the beach? Is that is that coming from inside the squid? I don't know. I heard a voice.

SPEAKER_06 24:57

This squid ate uh radio.

SPEAKER_04 25:02

Whoa, somewhere. John, John, are you there? John, why are you answering me? Guys, I think it's coming from this bush.

SPEAKER_08 25:09

There's a walkie-talkie right here. In the bush? Yeah, look. Uh Hello? John?

SPEAKER_06 25:17

John, is that you? Should I should I should I talk back to him again? Hey, uh, are you Hi. We think John got eaten by this giant squid we found on a beach. I don't sorry, that's a lot of information to drop in you all at once.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

I'm not sure it's a squid. I think it's got six tentacles. What?

SPEAKER_10 25:36

Six ten how hey, sorry, excuse me. Do you know how many tentacles giant squids are supposed to have?

SPEAKER_04 25:41

What did that guy just how many did he just say that there were how many did he Well you said there was only six and I'm counting six right now? Are we looking at the same s what what squid are you looking at?

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Are you looking at a squid right now? I can't tell if I'm looking at its ass a front. Can you tell?

SPEAKER_06 25:59

I think the ass is probably inside the tentacles. That's my guess. But again, not a marine biologist. Could you do me a favor? Could you do me a favor? Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 26:08

Could you just like find John?

SPEAKER_04 26:10

Who's John?

SPEAKER_08 26:11

I'm like a guy that is out here studying stuff. Are you trying to are you trying to I think I genuinely think John is like inside this squid right now. Because we're hearing him through the squid.

SPEAKER_04 26:29

Wouldn't it make sense for John to have had the walkie-talkie that you have and that it would be eaten and inside the squid?

SPEAKER_06 26:38

No, I just assume I just assume that walkie-talkies you can talk, you can have like more than two walkie-talkies going at a time. If you want to imply that you're inside the squid right now, that's fine. No, okay, okay, that's fine. That's fine.

unknown 26:51

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

Because you just get John on the walk. Where's John? I don't know who John is. Do you know who John is? No one said I was a smart man, but I have an idea. Hey, hey, guys, guys, guys, guys, hey, what are you doing with my walkie-talkie?

SPEAKER_08 27:04

Are you John? Yes, I had the poop. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 27:08

I was getting ready to give Morse Coda instead of uh squid.

SPEAKER_08 27:11

You're gonna do Morris Coda to squid?

SPEAKER_10 27:13

Hey, wait a second. John, John, if that's if this is your walkie-talkie, whose walkie-talkie is inside that squid, that beached squid.

SPEAKER_08 27:23

Oh. Uh uh it's Frank, man. He died. He died? He got eaten. Somebody got eaten by the squid. That makes sense. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_10 27:33

There's a whale! Oh no! Now where there's a beached whale, too!

SPEAKER_07 27:38

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 27:40

Frank, Frank, you gotta get out of there, Frank, Frank, there's a whale.

SPEAKER_08 27:44

Oh no.

SPEAKER_10 27:44

Oh hey, wait a second. That's not a whale. Look, it's splitting open like a like a like one of those hobby horses. There's a bunch of people inside the whale. I thought it was the cops.

SPEAKER_08 27:55

Everybody move. Everybody put your hands in the ball. Everybody move!

unknown 27:58

Move!

SPEAKER_08 28:01

Get us out of here.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 28:05

Everybody move. Everybody move. That's so true. You don't walk into a bank. Everybody move! I guess I do say that when I walk into banks. Oh, you said everybody move. We should have started, we should have stood up and started dancing. That would have been really good.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

A lot of bear talk. Let me tell you my bear story. Oh, I'd love to I grew up. So anyway, let's take no I'm just kidding. I grew up an hour and a half from a place called Bear World. Yes, you did. Oh, I'm familiar. Yeah. Love Bear World. It's such a crazy little place. It's a crazy little place. It's just illegal. It's it's like it.

SPEAKER_10 28:42

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_06 28:43

And you can't spend more than like an hour and a half there. Nope. No. Or else you'll die.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

I do remember uh, I don't know, it was early uh 10, 11 years old. We went to Bear World. Um, and and we you talk about a guy getting up and dancing, it was a bear. We look over, and a bear, we see this brown bear lying on his back, and we're like, oh, that's so cool. All of a sudden, stream just comes out, peas all over himself. Oh, wow. That's hot. Great memory. Great. Wow. Should have filmed.

SPEAKER_08 29:13

You should that would have put you on the map.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Might have. I might have been famous for casting.

SPEAKER_08 29:20

You would be at the top of Trump Tower right now. I don't know why, but you would be. I doubt that. But no, that's the rules. No, like if you catch a bear pissing on itself immediately on the list, and you're at the top of Trump Tower.

SPEAKER_06 29:33

They they handcuff you to the top of Trump Tower, and you're basically just there.

SPEAKER_08 29:38

It's actually good you didn't. I'm glad I didn't. You didn't film the pear piss. Everybody knows this about bear piss. So this is a podcast where we talk about bear piss. Where we bring on a comedian every week and we ask them a simple question. How do you describe salt, man? How do you describe that white flaky thing that kind of looks like dandruff in some way? Every single time you do this, you give away like three words that could be used. And it doesn't look like dandruff, but it also kind of does. There's like different versions of it. Yeah, I'm waiting for the episode where someone says dandruff. Maybe it's today. Scribe salt in one word. Dandruff. Dandruff. Yeah, try to justify your way to that one. Fuckos. Sorry. It's uh it's midnight. It is midnight. It is midnight. It is midnight, and I have to be up in I mean, not super soon, but I do have to drive all the way to K'esville, which is 40 minutes away.

SPEAKER_06 30:33

And then I have to drive back to work after that in the morning, which is 30 minutes away.

SPEAKER_08 30:40

Okay, I have a question about that, Dan. At what time? I actually don't know. Oh, okay. Now he's gonna check out schedule. Anyway, so this podcast we bring a different comedian on every week. Oh, not until 11:30. Oh, nice. I have to wake up at five. So you can suck it. Uh but I I I live upstairs in the attic. That's true. So today we bring on Brock. Brock, you're a comedian, maybe. Do you think yourself a comedian? I think I'm funny. Interesting. That's not what we asked. But are you a comedian? Do you look at the greats? Apollo. What? Apollo Creed. What? John Ledden. Famous comedian Apollo Creed.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

I'm with him.

SPEAKER_08 31:23

Obama. Very funny. I actually think Obama is genuinely a funny man. Did you listen to that speech? Did you listen to that speech that his wife gave about him? It was beautiful.

SPEAKER_06 31:35

I actually didn't, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 31:36

I've heard a lot of it. She's a wonderful woman. Cool. So that's comedy if you didn't know. Okay. So last week we had our good friend David Liddell Thorpe on. This is a very pleasant, insane man. I love him a lot. Brock, he gave us a word to describe salt. And I just don't I don't know what he meant. And I w I think me and Dan would both like you to tell us what you think of it. And that word was. You just had to check twice.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

It was like a double take. I have. You sound like uh an attractive person, like, wait, but it's just a word. It is just a word.

SPEAKER_08 32:16

It is an attractive word. Arguably one of our best words, and I would argue one of our best words. Can I just recap what you just said? But do with the same inflection.

SPEAKER_10 32:30

I would argue one of our best words. And I would argue one of our best words. And then I would personally argue uh one of our best words.

SPEAKER_08 32:40

So tell us what that word is, Derek. The word was enabler.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Enabler. Enabler. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 32:50

What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 32:51

You want me to do it? Tell us how good of a job justify it.

SPEAKER_06 32:56

Just justify. Like if you the don't even you keep saying justify, but like tell us if you think it's good. If it's not good, then don't justify it, cuz then Okay.

SPEAKER_08 33:07

I just really like the word justify. Yeah, you can't. Like the way it like feels on my tongue is very similar to salt. That's my word to describe salt. Justify. Sorry. Enabler. What do you think about enabler?

SPEAKER_00 33:21

It's okay. Okay. It's okay. I don't hate it. What are its pitfalls?

SPEAKER_10 33:29

Um maybe we should start with what what does make it a good word to describe salt.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Okay, and you're just hitting me right here for the first time with this enabler. But I it's hard to say. Okay, I I Okay. You are eating something salty. Yes. It's addictive. It's very good. You want to have it more and more. So it is something that, like, when you eat, it it is, it there's something there. It enables you to be addicted to that. I can see the line from one point two.

SPEAKER_08 34:07

This is not how I ever thought about the word. Oh, really? When David said it. That's actually pretty close to how I was considering it. Really?

SPEAKER_06 34:14

I guess I'm closer to I I assumed David meant enabler, as in the salt enables the flavor to come out.

SPEAKER_08 34:23

Well, see, and I kind of thought it was the same thing.

SPEAKER_06 34:26

Huh. Okay. Interesting. This had not even crossed my mind. So this is good.

SPEAKER_10 34:31

This is why we do the podcast.

SPEAKER_08 34:33

This is it. We're doing research. This is it. We don't care about the improv portion. Nope, that's stupid. Everybody hates it. We just care about getting into the nitty-gritty of the word. People listen to the podcast and skip the improv and just go to when we talk about song. Yeah. And they get they don't skip the ad and they don't skip this part. That's it. They love Casper Mattresses. Yeah. We don't. Yeah, we shit on them.

SPEAKER_06 34:55

But uh, okay. So what okay, what is bad about it then? What doesn't work? You just disagree.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

It's okay to just disagree. I don't think enemy in this situation. It's uh it's very it's a human um I'm trying to think of the word. Like enabler, it it feels very human. And there's no okay there's nothing it feels like a personality trait as opposed to a trait of an inanimate object.

SPEAKER_10 35:26

Interesting. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 35:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

I I get the through line of it, you know. Yeah I understand what you're saying about enabler, but I just say, like, oh, it it's addictive. You keep on wanting more and more.

SPEAKER_08 35:38

Interesting. Yeah, that's true. That's why you eat popcorn. Eat like three bites, all of a sudden you're at the bottom. That's true. That's true. Unless it's cinnamon popcorn.

SPEAKER_06 35:47

But but it's because it enables the flavor of the popcorn to come out.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

I have no I have no qualms about enabler. I don't have really anything bad to say about it. I don't I just wouldn't necessarily have anything good to say about it. Okay, fair. You know, you you threw it at me, you know, two minutes ago.

SPEAKER_06 36:05

You really we really watered it up and and soaked it in water and just threw it right at you.

SPEAKER_08 36:09

I put it right in the straw and just blew like no tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 36:14

Good. Yeah. I like that visual. Thank you. Because I was imagining a massive piece of paper.

SPEAKER_08 36:20

No, no, no, no. Just a little spitwad. You ever guys ever do those in school? Spitwads? Yeah. Yeah. You were one of those. I you know, I had fun. Paper airplanes. Well, oh. That was that was more my thing. I liked paper airplanes.

SPEAKER_06 36:36

I uh my brother was really, really good at making one specific kind of paper airplane. Yeah. Um, and I could never make any.

SPEAKER_08 36:43

I he this is this is a this is a really good example of the difference between me and my brother. He was really good at making one type of paper airplane that was pretty good every single time. It was consistent. Okay. And I was convinced that I was going to make the best paper airplane ever by never following a guide and trying to just invent the best paper airplane.

SPEAKER_04 37:10

That is a very good description of you.

SPEAKER_08 37:12

Yeah. I've never met your brother, but that like that is the best way to describe you ever heard. Yep. And obviously, his were always better. Always. Um, I don't know if anyone listening is familiar with General Conference. It is a Mormon activity from the uh a very famous gathering of the Mormon culture, Church of Jesus Christ's Latter-day Saints. Anyway, twice twice a year they do this big thing where they, you know, they talk for a while on TV. It was very exciting for when you're a kid, because then you're like, Oh, I don't have to go to church today. I can sit on the couch in my pajamas. There was one year, one general conference, when I sat on the couch with an entire stack of paper and made two laundry baskets full of paper airplanes.

SPEAKER_05 37:59

Wow.

SPEAKER_08 38:00

I was very dedicated. I was very, very dedicated. I cannot tell you what I did with those paper airplanes or why, but I have a very distinct memory. I'm just fold, fold, fold. I got really good at it.

SPEAKER_06 38:10

You guys seen the guy that uh is from Chicago and he just makes tons and tons and tons of paper paper.

SPEAKER_08 38:19

Drops them from the top floor of buildings. Yeah. I feel like every time I see those videos, I get really concerned because I feel like that's like not good. Probably not. Like if but it is like it's a very dangerous moment. Really like it's the dopamine hit when you're like that paper airplane went like five. You want to see one? Yeah, that makes really good content.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Pull it up. And as you look at that, I don't know. This is a throwback. I mean, we talked Spitwads, paper airplanes. Do you remember those things? I don't even know what you'd call them, where people would, you know, like pick a number between one and five. Oh, yeah. The mesh? Is it mesh? Is that what it's called? I think so. Yeah. And you're like, oh, it's like you're trying to what is it like? Uh you you put like people's names, yeah, and then it's all about one, two, three, four.

SPEAKER_08 39:02

And then it's like predicting who you're gonna marry, how truck you're gonna live at how of those were number of children. Every single one said I was gonna marry Cleopatra from Egypt, and then I would have eight kids. I married Emily from Utah, and I have one and almost two kids. You're on your way to eight. That's true. I'm not gonna have another kid after two. I have said I thought you were gonna have another one after one. Yeah, I remember that. I remember that conversation. Yeah, we had that conversation, and a week later I got my wife pregnant. She's a dumb idiot. Anyway, I'm super excited. And son, if you're listening to this in the future, I'm so happy you're here, and I probably love you so much. Okay, here's the thing. And and god godson, if you're listening to this at the future, yeah, you're gonna be a godfather, obviously. Um my my current child doesn't have a godfather right now. Oh I guess I gotta have some sort of tournament to fix the godfather.

SPEAKER_00 39:57

Okay, genuinely. You're looking at me where you think of maybe, maybe. I think it's a tournament. I'm happy to come join the tournament. Okay. Okay, actually, genuinely.

SPEAKER_08 40:05

She just has like 20 godfathers. That could be fun. Genuinely, this is something I think. I think about this sometimes. I don't know that I know a single person that is or has a godfather or a godmother. I've actually known a couple people. I don't think I know it. Maybe I do, but I I'm just not aware. Well, it's not like uh you don't like wear a shirt. Or maybe we take you now to the 75th annual godfather choosing competition in rural Maine.

SPEAKER_05 40:37

Evening, Godfather Wannabies! Are you ready for the competition of your lives?

SPEAKER_01 40:46

Yeah. I've been training for this all my life.

SPEAKER_05 40:52

Ah, Dennis, uh, you still think you have a chance.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Every year I come here, I've been trying to be a godfather for the last 75 years.

SPEAKER_05 41:00

Dennis, I've been telling you for 75 years you can't you don't know how to wear a pair of board shorts. You can't be a godfather if you don't wear board shorts. You're wearing them on myself. You're wearing them on your head right now. That's not how you wear board shorts.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

I looked it up on the Google, and I know this is how you wear them. Google AI overviews are not what they used to be, okay?

SPEAKER_08 41:24

Mr. Presenterman? Yes. Here is the baby. It's Presenterman. It's all one word. I'm new, I'm new, I'm new, I'm new.

SPEAKER_05 41:31

Charles Presenterman. Good to meet you.

SPEAKER_08 41:33

Sally Presenterman.

SPEAKER_05 41:34

Uh oh.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

We both acted like that meant anything, but those are two completely different surnames. It's a damn waste of time. Let's see the child. All right.

SPEAKER_08 41:43

Here's the baby. Okay. She's in this little rocker.

SPEAKER_05 41:46

All right. All right. I'm looking at the notes. This child is named Chicago. Crazy name. That's one of the weirder ones I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_07 41:59

What's wrong with my baby's name?

SPEAKER_05 42:00

Oh, this is your baby? I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_08 42:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:03

Sorry, I just assumed you were my.

SPEAKER_08 42:05

No, it's my first day coming here. It's my first baby.

SPEAKER_05 42:08

Okay. Because I became a presenter because of my last name, but you're just you're just something else. I guess that's not what most people do. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 42:16

Will you please present my baby?

SPEAKER_05 42:17

Yes, okay. This baby's name is Chicago. She's coming in at approximately 18 ounces. Is that a no, sorry.

SPEAKER_08 42:26

My baby's a pound and a half. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I read it wrong. I read it wrong. I read it wrong. I read I read sorry.

SPEAKER_05 42:36

I'm sorry, guys. I'm a presenter. 18 pounds. 18 pounds. 18 pounds. This is an 18-pound baby. You can see her from across the field. It's a good baby. Her name is Chicago, and she's looking for a godfather.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

Coming from that lady, I ain't surprised.

SPEAKER_05 42:57

All right.

SPEAKER_10 42:57

We're gonna single year, and here's what we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_05 43:03

We're gonna start by giving Charles two words to impress you, and if he doesn't impress you, he's kicked out. This is what we do every year at this point. Charles, take it away. Two words.

SPEAKER_00 43:15

Sorry. Say that one more time. Hey, he's done. All right.

SPEAKER_05 43:19

Sorry, Charles. Try again next year. If you're not gone on to the next world.

SPEAKER_09 43:23

Well, actually, I kind of I kind of liked the gruff nature. I feel like he protects Chicago.

SPEAKER_06 43:27

What? There's literally we have 150,000 godfathers waiting in the room.

SPEAKER_08 43:31

Yeah, I kind of just go with the first thing. Why did we pick you for the the goddaughter of the year? If you were just gonna pick the first one no matter what. Well, it wasn't necessarily he just seems like a nice guy. Look, look, all these potential godfathers, they're so disappointed.

SPEAKER_09 43:47

Bring on somebody next. Bring on somebody else.

SPEAKER_08 43:49

Okay. Thank you. Charles, I'll let you stand over here for now.

SPEAKER_06 43:52

Maybe with my next one.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

Is it my turn yet?

SPEAKER_06 43:55

I'm ready for the bikini challenge. Okay. This is the guy that he's been coming for Two years less than Charles has. But he's also every year. All right, take off your trench coat. Show us your bikini.

SPEAKER_03 44:07

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

This year I decided to wear the the nice fashion from Louis Vuitton. They're um uh uh customized bikini leather, and this one has pockets. Okay I want to tell you how I could be a good godfather because I'm always gonna have sweet treats right here.

SPEAKER_05 44:25

Okay, okay in your boobs. Yep, that's that's his thing. Just don't feel problematic. Yeah, I agree. Okay, so we can kick him out, please. Yes, okay, we're kicking you out. I can't even remember your name. All right, next godfather, please. Step on up. Hello. Oh gosh, I forget how many of these guys we have that just come year after year. All right.

SPEAKER_01 44:47

All right, Sean. What's it gonna be? Well, I I would like to audition for the role of Godfather. It's not an audition, but sure.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

This is not for this is not for Godfather for this guy. Uh I'm not gonna be working with Al Pacino. You're not. I every time you do this to me, you say, hey, come to come audition for Godfather then.

SPEAKER_05 45:11

I've never called it an audition. I've corrected you for like 40 straight years.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

Damn, you have. I'm leaving and I'm taking my peanuts.

SPEAKER_07 45:20

I'm here. I'm here for the role of Godfather.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

Al Pacino?

SPEAKER_07 45:25

Huh! Actually, it's Gary Beosey. I'm here for the role of Godfather. Okay, okay. Marlon Brando keeps taking the role from me. Okay. And I just take the role from me.

SPEAKER_06 45:44

Hey lady, is this doing anything for you? Yeah, kinda.

SPEAKER_08 45:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 45:48

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_09 45:49

Nope.

SPEAKER_08 45:51

Oh no, did I did I cut off that ex competitor? Cut off something great. No, no. We will never know what it was. You'll never know. We'll never know. That's an improbable. Did Chicago ever get a godfather? Apparently it was Gary Busey. That's crazy. Gary Busey's insane. Yeah. That's kind of his whole thing. Yeah. You guys know that Gary Bucey's insane? Uh, listener at home, I would like everybody to know. I'm gonna call out Brock for a second. That this is Brock's first time improvising. And he is freaking killing it, dude. Big big round of applause for Brock. I was gonna add in some applause in post, but the way that you clapped there made it.

SPEAKER_00 46:29

I wasn't named after Brocky Two Bears for nothing.

SPEAKER_08 46:32

Oh, that's so cool. He was an improviser. I would also like to point out that we're three larger white men with beards. Sure. In this room. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

And the Spider-Man meme?

SPEAKER_08 46:48

Yeah, the Spider-Man meme. We're all kind like if we were part, if we were, you know, we you know. But what I want to know.

SPEAKER_06 46:59

We're from across we're from across the the white bearded guy verse. Yeah. And you're from you're from the the the uh the board game. As far as I know, we're all manufactured, right?

SPEAKER_08 47:13

Yeah, we were made in a factory by Elon Musk. I'm five.

SPEAKER_06 47:16

I'm just trying to decide what makes us all different. What what what which you're doing?

SPEAKER_08 47:20

Let's distinguish ourselves.

SPEAKER_10 47:22

You're from I don't know why board games are.

SPEAKER_08 47:25

What about you, Dan?

SPEAKER_10 47:26

You're from the universe where everyone's just a little bit more of a piece of shit than every other universe. What about you? You're you're from the universe where uh I know you well enough.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

I'm from Idaho, so potatoes, so I I from the one that looks like shit.

SPEAKER_08 47:40

Medium piece of shit. Oh, so Dan. And then I'm and then I'm gender fluid. Oh that's my whole thing.

SPEAKER_07 47:50

Oh, I kind of like that though. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_10 47:53

Cool.

SPEAKER_08 47:53

Great. We can move on. Uh oh man. Um, okay, so Dan, do you believe in all of the UFO stuff that's been coming out from the White House lately? I've not paid attention at all. I don't care. Which is crazy. I haven't either. I was just hoping you had. I just haven't. I was hoping you'd be able to tell me. No.

SPEAKER_00 48:14

Brock? Have you? You paid attention to any of that? No, I saw disclosure day. Did you guys see that?

SPEAKER_08 48:19

I haven't yet, and I really want to. Was it good? Should I spoil it? Well, don't spoil the movie, but like did you spoil it if you're doing it?

SPEAKER_00 48:26

That's about as close as I've come to. I I'm not aware of the spoil whether it's good. Whether you liked it. It's very divisive. Yeah, that's what I've heard. The side of uh I wanted more. Okay. You know.

SPEAKER_08 48:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 48:38

Just like uh not not as much of a satisfying ending as I would like.

SPEAKER_08 48:42

Teenager at prom, he wanted more.

SPEAKER_00 48:44

That's fun. Spielberg can do that sometimes.

SPEAKER_08 48:46

He can leave you. Sometimes I like a good Spielberg tease. Like I like him to come in and like tease me a little. You know?

SPEAKER_06 48:54

Wave that Wiimote around just a little bit.

SPEAKER_09 48:57

But wait, if I cut that out, now they won't know what we're talking about. Oh, you're not cutting it out.

SPEAKER_10 49:01

Derek, I've told you, we're not cutting it out. What do you what do you picture?

SPEAKER_00 49:05

I'm picturing one of Spielberg's classic, a very interesting-looking alien, and you see him rise. Like an erection? E.T.'s head. You know when he like lifts his head and he gets all tall.

SPEAKER_08 49:17

Is that an erection?

SPEAKER_00 49:18

It it is. If you if somebody could look at that and say that's pretty graphic. And maybe that's just like an alien penis.

SPEAKER_04 49:26

Oh man, I want to shake the shaker right now so bad, but I'm not going to because I don't think I want to. Oh, don't do it.

SPEAKER_08 49:35

We take you now to Spielberg and the team behind E.T. deciding if they should put a penis in E.T.

SPEAKER_10 49:41

It's just one it's it's a 10-second clip.

SPEAKER_06 49:48

They told us we can get by with an R rating if we if it's just one 10-second clip. It's integral to the character of E.T.

SPEAKER_05 50:00

Stephen. It is integral. The little boy needs to understand sexuality, and the only way he can understand sexuality is through the lens of the extraterrestrial.

SPEAKER_00 50:12

How much is the prosthetic gonna cost, Stephen?

SPEAKER_04 50:15

I will fork forward the money. I have three built in my garage anyway. You what? I uh uh two. I I used one. I have two You used one by their single use? When I wrote the script, E.T. stood for erect tile and all. And it was a whole series of events to get here. And now Now it's beautiful.

unknown 50:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 50:42

Would you like to see E.T.'s penises? Straight up.

SPEAKER_08 50:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:47

Alright, here we go. So it's like it's like they're like rising up. And you know what that looks like? I can imagine. You know what it looks like here.

SPEAKER_00 50:59

Where where where is the penis? Is it is this in the cornfield?

SPEAKER_09 51:06

Well, he's not a human. You're the GP. You're the director of photography. You don't know this? You don't know. It's obvious.

SPEAKER_06 51:16

Wait, it's not. It's not obvious. Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. He just rises up. Do you see that? You see that? You see it? You see it? Is this out of the corn? The corn the cornfield? You're not being specific enough, Stephen.

SPEAKER_00 51:31

It's raising your hand. You're just raising your hand right now.

SPEAKER_09 51:34

Let me do it one more time. Maybe I'll. It's just like he like rises up. What does that look like? What do you mean? E.T., the little green freak. Yes. Green.

SPEAKER_10 51:44

You know the world. This is not specifically. Jim Frank Cause could not be a part of this one. He turned it down. What? He turned it down. He's brown.

SPEAKER_08 51:53

E.T. is brown. He was gonna let me use it. He's actually kind of like grey.

SPEAKER_00 51:59

It turns kind of white when he gets sick.

SPEAKER_08 52:01

Yeah. And horny.

SPEAKER_10 52:03

This is all part of the movie that we've yet to finish putting together. These days are not getting enough sexual education. We have to put it in movies. You know I'm progressive, but I don't understand why that would help.

SPEAKER_04 52:18

You're not thinking enough. Assistant director.

SPEAKER_10 52:20

You're not telling me what it is. Okay. Are you still? I'm gonna spell it out. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're gonna answer my questions right now. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 52:28

Is it in the cornfield? I'm so turned on right now. That's fine. That's fine. That's not the first time this has happened.

SPEAKER_08 52:34

Is it in the cornfield? The scene that you're talking about. No, you're talking about my good friend Mm Knight Shamelan's movie Silence.

SPEAKER_04 52:43

That's very different. That's all about water.

SPEAKER_10 52:45

Steven, we already shot the scene where E.T. comes out of the field. What?

SPEAKER_04 52:50

Is that the We haven't shot that scene yet? It's 1993. What? DP, please help me. You were shooting the camera.

SPEAKER_00 53:01

You were there. Speaking of M. Night Shyamalan, I've always wanted to cast cast, not cath.

SPEAKER_04 53:10

That was funny. That's why I like this guy. He's always making jokes.

SPEAKER_00 53:13

Timothy Chalamet in a Shyamalan movie in 1993.

SPEAKER_04 53:20

ITBC is into the future. This is how I know that Minority Report is going to be the greatest movie ever. And that my movie Artificial Intelligence, AI? Ah? You've seen 2026. I was right. You ever heard of Bicentennio Man?

SPEAKER_08 53:37

Robert Williams? Great frick? It's 1993, so no. Have you ever heard of uh Short Circuit? Also a movie about gay robots. That came out a few years ago. You ever heard of iRobot Williams? What are we talking about?

SPEAKER_04 53:53

Anyway, in all of those movies, there's a little guy and he just rises up. There's a little guy. Okay. Okay. Now I imagine Life finds a way.

SPEAKER_06 54:04

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_08 54:05

I'm giving him a promotion right now. I don't think that one thing.

SPEAKER_04 54:08

He's directing the movie.

SPEAKER_08 54:10

He's directing. I've time traveled so much. Am I still assistant?

SPEAKER_04 54:13

That I'm actually 40 years older. And I will remain to be 90 years old until the year 2026, in which I will release a movie called Disclosure Day, where I will give the secret to E.T.'s penis. If you watch Disclosure Day, it's disclosing the information on the day today, today's the day. I'm disclosing the information about today when we discovered E.T.'s penis. But will the movie have a satisfying ending? It depends on how you look at it. If you want it, if you go into disclosure day thinking, I'm gonna learn about E.T.'s penis, you're gonna love it. You're gonna have a great time you're gonna see him rising out of the field at the end.

SPEAKER_06 54:56

He is in a field. You just answer my question. He's in a field. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 54:58

You weren't supposed to know that for 33 years.

SPEAKER_06 55:00

Second question.

SPEAKER_08 55:02

Okay. Just penis? He likes rises.

SPEAKER_04 55:08

Just penis? It's all about it's like your perspective. If you're looking at it from the front, sure, yeah, it's just penis. If you're looking at it from back, it's probably his head.

SPEAKER_05 55:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 55:17

So anyway, at the end of disclosure day, you're either gonna be really satisfied or really left wanting. You just want more.

SPEAKER_00 55:25

Okay. DP, you get me. I'm excited to see which penis you use from your collection.

SPEAKER_04 55:31

Don't talk about the collection. Oh, are you just talking about the third Okay You said that you have separate? Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 55:39

It's been fun.

SPEAKER_04 55:40

You ever see Super 8?

SPEAKER_08 55:47

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_10 55:49

I have never felt like I was in more of a fever dream on this podcast.

SPEAKER_04 55:59

Oh, that was one of the funnest character bits I've ever done.

SPEAKER_06 56:02

I genuinely have no idea what just happened.

SPEAKER_08 56:07

Well, because he did the whole it like rises up bit. Yeah. So I just that was it. I actually don't even know what you were meaning.

SPEAKER_00 56:18

You know, like when like okay. E.T. E.T. rises out of the field.

SPEAKER_09 56:23

Like he's got this long.

SPEAKER_10 56:24

You didn't know that's what we were talking about? No. What did you think we were talking about?

SPEAKER_04 56:31

I don't know. I thought we were just talking about E.T. having a penis potentially.

SPEAKER_08 56:35

I rolled with it. That's what we do. He rises out of the field. That's like the second most famous shot in the movie. Yeah, I know it now. I'm thinking about it. But I had fun trying to think of uh how many of the movies did I say that actually were directed by Steven Spielberg?

SPEAKER_00 56:52

Did he direct Super 8? What is uh no? Who is JJ Abers of Steven Spielberg movies?

SPEAKER_08 56:59

Like, in my opinion or just in general? I think Mount Rushmore usually means you're supposed to figure out which one's not in your opinion. Uh there's George Washington and Don Washington Garver and Donald Trump and Elon Musk. Okay. I need to get out of the haze. I'm in a haze right now. So I'm gonna answer this question as genuinely as I can. Dan's in a cold play concert. I'm uh his walking through the haze. Okay. Mount Raj Morb's Steven Spielberg films is Jaws. I forgot that was Steven Spielberg. E.T. How did I forget that? I just wasn't thinking about it. Goonies? Oh, okay. Goonies might be up. I think it's on there. I so far I'm actually in full agreement with you.

SPEAKER_00 57:51

I'm with you. I Jurassic Park has to be on there. Oh, that's just a good one.

SPEAKER_08 57:55

Yeah, I would argue that that's your four. I think I would probably take Goonies down, replacing with he does have quite a lot. There's catch me if you can.

SPEAKER_06 58:06

I don't think that can be on.

SPEAKER_08 58:10

It is. But it's just Can it put Leo on the map. But Goonies is so like culturally quotable and Yeah, I think Goonies belongs on there. Steven Spielberg is just uh he's a he's done some good stuff. He's done some good stuff. Is he related to uh Stephen Hawking at all?

SPEAKER_00 58:31

I mean Raiders of the Lost Darkness. Oh, Raiders of the Son. Oh my god. Dang it.

SPEAKER_10 58:35

This is so Yeah, that's the thing, is I'm like, can't I can't even remember what he's done because he's done so many.

SPEAKER_08 58:39

Guys, we haven't even talked about Schindler's List.

unknown 58:41

Schindler's List.

SPEAKER_10 58:43

Kick all of the movies I said off. It's Schindler's List, it's Jurassic Park, it's Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Jaws.

SPEAKER_08 58:53

Holy crap. Hook? Oh wait, I love Hook. Hold on. What's up? What's up, Dan? Now I'm second guessing. Did he do Jaws? He did do Jaws, right?

SPEAKER_06 59:02

He did Jaws, because now I'm just second guessing myself.

SPEAKER_08 59:05

You're forgetting about uh freaking tummy trouble. Frick, man. From what, 1992? Is that a fish? Yeah, and also uh Gremlins 2, the new batch. Back to the future.

SPEAKER_00 59:17

Back to the future, duty. Well, he that's Robert Zemekas. Oh, that is he just produced it. He was a producer.

SPEAKER_08 59:22

I was looking at the producing credits for there. Um Twilight Zone. Yeah, me too. Those two. He was probably in that room when he was talking about wieners.

SPEAKER_06 59:33

Yeah, you uh you must have been playing Robert Zemekis in that in that Empire. Yeah, that was yeah ago. Good for you. I mean, Duel's.

SPEAKER_08 59:40

I don't know if you guys have ever actually watched Duel. Duel is fantastic. His first film. It's fantastic. Empire of the Sun. Great movie. Man, he's got so many bangers, dude. Yeah. Guess you could say Steven Spielberg's a banger. Uh Saving Private Ryan. I don't know if we talked about The Terminal. Criminally underrated film. The Terminal? Before it came out that Tom Hanks was like in the Illuminati or whatever. I think that he was a phenomenal actor. Well, you guys keep talking about it. Tom Hanks? Well, you guys I say stuff and you're like, this guy's so stupid. Yeah, Tom Hanks. He was like a bad guy. What?

SPEAKER_10 1:00:18

I don't even know what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:19

Tom Hanks in the Illuminati. And the BFG? I feel wait, Derek. West Side Story? Oh, the Fableman's story. West Side Story is so good. West Side Story is so good.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:33

Here's my hot take. Cancel Elgord, not a good runner in movies. No.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:38

No, uh, also just not that great. Yeah, he's he's the only reason that that movie it isn't like a 10 out of 10. He ruined that movie for me personally.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:47

I didn't mind him, but I didn't like his running. I didn't like the way he sang. I didn't like his way he sang.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:51

Oh, running specifically. Yes.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:53

Like, you know how Tom Cruise runs like a week.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:55

Yeah, I don't know that I've seen him.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:57

Yeah, everybody pause this real quick and go watch Ansel Elgort run. Ansel? Anselm. Ansul and Gretel. I think his sister's name is Grottl.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

I talk to my wife about this all the time. I'm like, at least I'm not running as bad as Ansel Elgort.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:10

Uh uh Baby Driver. I liked him a lot in Baby Driver. I was really excited that he was going to be in Westside because I liked him so much in Baby Driver. And then I watched him in this. And I remember there's a specific scene that I was memeing for a long time after I saw Westside story. I don't remember what it is. Great content.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:36

Okay. Okay, I'm watching Ansel Elgart.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:40

He runs like a uh Brock just had this queued up, by the way, so I believe that this is a full skipping back and forth between these two. The death scene was also really rough in the movie.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:56

Okay. Okay, I'm watching him kind of run around right now. Right now they're just dancing. Just the way he runs. They're just dancing.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:04

Oh, he's running right here. You can't see it very well. Oh, what? Do you see that?

SPEAKER_08 1:02:12

Wait, go back. This is such good audio content. I'm so happy that people are listening.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:17

I actually, as soon as I saw it, I couldn't believe it.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:19

Okay. He's just really you can see it.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:21

Okay, they're dancing, they're dancing, they're and he's running. What is he doing?

SPEAKER_08 1:02:26

Well, I don't know if I would call that rule. No, I it's maybe not as bad as I thought it was, but I wasn't a but I'm there are moments in the movie, though, that he runs. I remember he runs in a different portion, and it it is just true. It's terrible. I'm with you. Okay. Ansel Ogor, bad at running. We take you now to uh Steven Spielberg trying to teach Ansel Elgor how to run. Okay, so so here's the deal.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:52

I'm a crazy guy, Ansel, Ansel, I've time traveled for 500 years, and now, Ansel, I want you to run.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:03

But here's the thing, Ansel. Ansel, look at me. Look at me in my one good eye. You know I only have one. You know what time traveled in the other eye, Ansel? Listen to me. You're gonna run. But you're gonna run like you have two full suitcases under each arm. Even though you don't have any in either. Do you understand this task? I have given it to you.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:30

I'm ready. Hi, it's me. Don't sneak up on me.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:37

I don't mean to interrupt. I know that Ansel Oakwort was just about to talk to you, Stephen. Yes. Did you do your cocaine today? Oh.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:46

No.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:46

That explains it. I'm the physicality coach that you hired for this film. Sure. I don't We must have done that. Yeah, we must have hired you.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:57

I don't agree. Ansel, please. Uh I would like to give you the floor to speak your mind about how he's asking you to run right now.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:03

Please! Tell me!

SPEAKER_10 1:04:05

And then I'll spout off 15 movies that I've made or will make in the future.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:12

Maria. Oh, Ansel. I just met a girl named Marie. Oh, this is perfect.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:18

This is why you're in the movie, Ansel. He keeps doing this, and then every time he does that, Steven gets a boner, and then it's just on and on and on.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:24

Stephen, am I doing something wrong?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:27

You're not doing anything wrong, Ansel. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Instead of thinking about what you're doing wrong, I want you to think about the lack of penises rising into frame that we have in this movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:41

That's all I think about, Stephen. Good! That's exactly why we got you on the film.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:48

I saw it a thousand years ago. I saw it. I saw you. Ansel Elgore. Is that your name? Did I something like that?

SPEAKER_08 1:04:58

Mr. Spielberg? Physicality coach? I've just been informed you're only going to do two more movies after this. Ah, yeah. I'm scared. You need to make movies until the day you die. Please make more movies.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:11

Okay, I've changed my mind. I'm gonna do more. I'm gonna do more.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:16

I thought we were gonna go somewhere without only two more movies.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:18

Also, shout out to Ansel Elgord. Yeah, yeah, he's a great dude. No, I'm real. I'm real. I do.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:24

I don't know. I I liked him a lot in Baby Driver, but not so much of a muscle.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:29

He's great in Baby Driver.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:30

That's a good just a great move.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:32

And he's a freak in real life.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:34

Is he?

SPEAKER_06 1:05:35

Yeah, that's why. Oh, I thought that's what we were all in the street.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:39

Does he have like eggs growing on his legs or something?

unknown 1:05:42

No.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:43

Like a scorpion under his knees. Hey Dan, I think it's time.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:47

I think it's time.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:48

Oh, I never told you the story though. Can I tell you a quick story?

SPEAKER_10 1:05:50

You can tell it is a quick story, but we are running out of time. I have a story too.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:55

He has an anecdote.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:56

My god.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:59

Can't mind the Really quick. Um, if you look behind me on any of our filmed footage that's definitely on the internet. Sorry, Brock, I pulled your headphones. Um, there's a giant sexy Psyduck. It was very buff, and Brock was inquiring where I got it from. My wife gave this to me as a Valentine's present. She made a big deal about how I was getting something sexy for Valentine's Day, and then she put this on my pillow, and it was the sexiest thing she's ever given me in my life. That's the story. Did you like it, Dan? Yeah. You waited an hour for that one. Yep. Was it worth it? It was.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:33

Alright, Brock, passing the mic to you. I have nothing to compare to that story, so I'll refrain.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:39

Oh. Well, I guess it's time.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:42

I guess I guess it's time.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:43

Dan, you just wrote something down on your phone. Was it important? No, I was responding to a text. Dan, that makes me sad. I'm so sorry. It's okay. I'll just think about Ansel Algort's penis.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:57

I genuinely wait, do you guys genuinely not know the controversy?

SPEAKER_08 1:07:01

No, but I do think he like allegedly sexually assaulted someone. Oh my god. Oh, I'm not sure. Since I'm saying it on a podcast, but like he like he allegedly definitely So he's actually terrible.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:12

Yes, he's like actually just like a freaking uh not actual fan.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:16

I take that every good thing I said about him. Anyway. I cannot separate the I cannot separate the artist from the personal opinions. Okay. Sounds good. I did not me trying to get that sentence out was like trying to open a banana that was frozen.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:33

Open that banana. Open that banana and move on to our next part of the podcast, please.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:38

It's cold and it's getting like watery. Is it time? Is it time? Should I?

SPEAKER_10 1:07:42

Okay, I'm gonna take it. Brock. The time has come. Please take a step up to our sodium podium. And if you would be so kind, in one word or less, describe salt.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:02

Dancing. Dancing.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:07

Don't even need to check it. It's not up there. I know it. Well, no one's done that one. Yeah, I also know that one. Dancing why? Why has no one said that one? Up there. Dancing on my tongue. Dancing on my tongue. That's the first thing that pops into my mind. Dancing. Dancing on my tongue. It's like warding away the spirits. Oh. That was not dancing away the spirits with salt on the floor. Ooh. Nobody puts baby driver in the corner. Except maybe himself. Maybe. He should be putting prison. Dancing.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:37

Dancing. Do you want to do you want to do you want to explain yourself? Sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:42

You're allowed to. It's if you're trying to describe salt without saying, hey, it's salty. Yeah. Yeah, that's correct. I am trying to say, okay, uh, it is like dancing. Dancing, people, most people like. There's a lot of different kinds of dancing, right? There's there's hip-hop, there's the can can there's ballroom, there's all these different types of dance. People can get down and dance. Okay. It's got a bit of a kick. There's flavor. Like there is liveliness when you see it. It is the same when you taste salt. You know something. It is salty. And so again, I do preface like not everybody is a big fan of dance. Not everybody's a big fan of salt. A lot of people like Sweden. So if I had to describe salt without saying it's salty, I'd describe it like you're watching dance. Okay. And just a dance that you're really into.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:36

Straight up, this is one of the most thorough explanations we've received.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:39

Genuinely. And I think my favorite thing about it is it's not talking about the flavor. Because I feel like every single one, except for uh assault. Yeah. It's more of a concept.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:50

Well, one of one of the tests we usually put the words through is if if someone was like, hey, which one of these little things over here do you want me to grab and you were to say the salt, and they were like, I don't know what that is, how would you describe it to them in one word?

SPEAKER_06 1:10:10

The dancing one. Now, this is unfortunately where I think it starts to follow.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:14

Yeah, I think that does start developing. But actually, no, no, no, no. No, listen, listen, listen. I actually think that that still works. Well, because if I were to look at the big bowl of salt and then the big bowl of pepper, I'd be like, oh, rugged dishwall, start dancing around.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:27

Yeah, but but then also if there was like chili flakes or something, I'd be like, oh, that's spicy and fun.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:32

Grandma's put chili flakes on her salt again.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:34

So never mind, forget about that test because this is a good word. And I and I enjoy it. It's a good word.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:40

Cool. Great job. Do you have do you have a do you have a place to bring us? Kinda.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:46

Spin us a tail, grandpa.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:49

We take you now to an old family mansion up on the hill where grandpa has just asked for the bowl of salt, but received chili powder.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:03

Son pass me the salt, please. Yeah, whatever, grandpa. Wait. What is it? Huh? This is is this dancing powder?

SPEAKER_06 1:11:15

Well uh grandpa, it's not the twenties anymore. Okay. I don't even know what to do.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:20

I want to get up and do a jig.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:22

Okay. Grandpa's getting.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:25

Oh, fuck you, Marie. Excuse me? You heard me, old bag. Okay, I'm gonna scream. You wanna go back there to the pig pen and wrestle again? Well, if we did that today, you'd fall over and die. Now, wouldn't you, woman? Sorry, buddy. Hey, Jim, Jim Bob, your parents will be back.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:42

No, put down your old phone. Sorry, I can't hear you. My headphones are on.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:46

Take that little shit out of your shit here.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:50

Sorry, I laughed at that. I just thought it was really funny to repeat the word. I pulled that headphone out. You can hear me. Stop pretending like you can't. No, I can't. I wasn't feeling anything.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:01

I just didn't know how to respond to you immediately laughing.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:04

What, Marie? I'm not Marie. Look down. I'm the chili powder. Oh. Marie, you've gotten spicy. My name is Marie. Oh. I can dance. You want to see me dance? I kind of want to see you dance. I can dance with my lips. Oh, oh.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:22

Oh, Miss Mr. Miss Marie. You sure are dancing in there, bowl. Should I put you in my mouth? Marie, you stop talking to me. I'm very confused. I'm being taken back to my time of being Donnie Osmond. Back when we were in love, Marie. You remember those days? Remember those days, Marie?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:45

I've shut up because I said my name isn't Marie. I'm a vision in your head. I am the lips in chili powder.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:53

I see, I see the lips. You look like Marie's lips. I'm confused why you're saying you're not Marie. Okay, fuck. Chili powder. Are you in any way related to Marie? Chili powder! Stop talking to me! I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:13

Hey. Are you talking to that chili powder? Sorry, it's it's me, the the oregano on your shoulder.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:23

Hey, oregano, we haven't talked since the 60s. Yeah. Come on down, where's fun? No, no, no. I like standing on the shoulder.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:30

Could you put me back on the shoulder? Okay, here you go, here you go.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:34

Sorry, I have bad service down here. I'm here. I'm back.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:37

Chili powder, is that you?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:38

That's chili powder.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:39

That's me.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:40

You went from being sexy voice to kind of just like a guy.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:44

Hey, sometimes guys are sexy.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:47

Yeah, it's like back in the old day with fancy butt. I should know I'm oregano. You are the original inducer of erections. Alright, I should know. Sprinkle a little bit of that boy on the boy. Whoop! Is that what I do? That's what you do. I didn't know that. That's why I keep you around on my shoulder. That's kind of nice. Just in case Marie's feeling up to it that night. Then I sprinkle a little bit of that on the whoop. I go whoop whoop.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:15

Hey, hey, hey. Uh I just want to know.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:18

Is Marie real? What? Well, you keep you keep why'd you think Marie was the chili powder? The chili powder is chili powder.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:30

Eugene, listen. I am the chili powder. What? Have you seen Horton? Here's a Who? People can't see the Who's. I am a chili powder, and we are a civilization down here.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:42

I just looked around and nobody's sitting at my dinner table. I'm just talking to a bowl of chili powder.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:46

Yeah. And the oregano on your shoulder. Well, you're always there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:51

Marie, are you in there? Did you turn little and get inside the chili powder?

SPEAKER_06 1:14:56

Sometimes do we have to tell you?

SPEAKER_03 1:14:57

No, no, I don't mean like the chili powder itself. I mean I was just told this was kind of like a Dr. Seuss Horton Here's a Who situation. I was just seeing it for this.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:06

That was just that was just if if I may not I I don't want to put words in your mouth, chili powder.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:11

So you guys can talk to each other then? Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:13

That's a lower development. I feel awkward talking to oregano because as chili powder, we have our own dish of pizza that we make. It's very tiny, as you'd imagine. Okay, but I put orangano on there. This is we've never had this discussion before.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:26

You've never brought this to my attention.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:28

It's interesting you would put chili powder in a pizza.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:32

Is it?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:33

Yeah, it's actually really, really strange because chili powder is more of like a Spanish-influenced dish seasoning. Oh, we eat pizza. Oregano is a few.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:43

We're the chili powder culturally across the phone. We dance.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:46

That's what we do. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:48

Let me see. Get up and dance. We're really proficient in lap dances, if you'd like. Lap dances. You want some chili powder and oregano on the water?

SPEAKER_08 1:15:58

So what do I get to the taste here? I just want to eat something. Am I hungry? Are you? You tell us.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:04

You're part of me. We're here for you. This is why. This is why Marie always told me not to look down.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:22

We take you now to the perspective of the situation from the grandson. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:31

I don't know. This is why. I always say, look down on the ground. I don't understand what's going on. You guys want some chili powder? You want some.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:39

Grandma, I know you're also senile, but are you seeing this?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:43

Oh Marie, you're so beautiful inside that bowl of chili powder. Marie, you're just like, look so beautiful inside that chili powder. I just love you so much, Marie.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:54

Who's Marie, Grandma? Get to the chopper!

unknown 1:17:02

Get to the chopper.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:04

What is happening in that family?

SPEAKER_10 1:17:06

I don't I don't know. I was just also just imagining. You kind of got lost in the sauce, but it's like a dark, a dark, large mansion.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:13

Yeah, me too. You're gonna regret bringing me on this podcast. Why do you guys even say that?

unknown 1:17:18

That was great.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:19

Also, I like if anyone's listened this far, they're gonna be this is a roller coaster of the body.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:23

If anyone's listened to this far, everybody listens this far. Well, that's just not true. That's just not the way podcasts work. It's crazy how many people listen to this podcast and never get to the describing salt bit. That's why I think actually people do skip forward because we do have spikes in that section usually. Do we? Little peek behind the curtain. I've never seen that. I've never looked at that. It's on YouTube. Alright, well, bro. Oh, true. Thanks for coming on, man. It has been an absolute treat, an absolute joy, an absolute fruit loop, chili powder, E.T. erection. Actually, uh coming into today, I thought today was gonna be a cleaner episode. Did you? And then I ranted about E.T.'s penis for a really, really long time. So I crossed multiple skits. Yeah. The I I that was the Steven Spielberg. That was one of my favorite bits ever.

unknown 1:18:18

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:19

Because I was so lost. I loved it so much. And you're being like, I'm gonna say movies, and then the whole him time traveling thing. He has looked old for a long time, though. Oh sure, yeah. He's one of those people. Yeah, that's probably Illuminati. Him and Tom Hanks. Alright, Brock. Well.

unknown 1:18:36

Is this a thing?

SPEAKER_10 1:18:37

Is this a thing? Do you know about this? Do you know about Tom Hanks in the Illuminati? I feel like you Brock in my mind. Can I tell you really fast? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:44

In my mind, you saying that Tom Hanks is in the Illuminati, I have fully this whole time been thinking he must be mistaken for Tom Cruise is in Scientology. Which is a very different thing. And very different people. Is that a thing? I've never heard of Tom Hanks being in the Illuminati.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:04

We'll let you know next week if Dan was right about what he was thinking or not.

SPEAKER_10 1:19:09

Well, Brock, thanks for being here.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:11

Brock, since a couple matters of business before we leave. So I don't have a sign-off. I'd we came up with this podcast. I was too lazy to come up with a sign-off 32 episodes later. I still don't know.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:21

I got a sign-off.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:22

He's got one. Dumb idiot that I don't have a sign-off. Will you give me a sign-off for today? Words? That's great.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:30

Is that what you just whatever? Oh, yeah. Yeah, whatever. I thought you were saying words. I was like, that's great. Here's the sign-up. Just a catch-free. Yeah. I'm ready. Or I say, you know, uh Bear Down, Chicago Bears.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:46

Okay. I can probably get that one.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:48

You probably can.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:49

I probably get that one. A lot can happen between now and when that happens.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:53

Usually it's like two or three more minutes, and usually forgets it. But we'll find out. We'll find out.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:57

I don't get enough sleep, bad short-term memory. Next up, but we gotta ask you, do you have anything you want to plug? Oh, yeah. What are you doing right now? You are doing something right now. Tell the masses.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:04

Yeah, I mean, plug. That's so funny. I mean, I do theater in the Utah Valley. Yeah. I'm doing Tarzan at Center Point Theater.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:12

But you're not just doing Tarzan. You're grooming Tarzan because you are Kerchak.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:19

Why'd you say it like that? I wouldn't go that far. What in the world? I would say I'm ostracizing him. I send him away. I know. Oh my word.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:31

I had to quickly say that you were Kerchak so that it didn't sound so bad. Yeah. It still sounded pretty bad. It did sound really bad.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:37

That's okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:39

Anyway, you're anyone that's never seen the actual musical version of Tarzan is like, is it not the same story? It's a completely different story than I thought it would.

SPEAKER_10 1:20:48

Anyway, yeah. So Kerchak, you're Kerchak. I'm Kerchak.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:52

He's the big daddy. He's daddy bear. Daddy Gollum. Daddy gorilla. You need to stop saying the craziest things right now. I forgot what a gorilla was.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:06

Dan, I'm tired.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:08

Me too. Me too, buddy. Please. How long is it running?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:11

Oh, it goes till mid-August. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:14

Yeah, you got plenty of time. This episode will be out by then. Please. Plenty of time before then. Anything else? Go see. Any other projects? What date are we going on? What date, what shows are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:23

Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays. If you want, come on in. If if somebody for that listens to this podcast comes to the show and says, I heard you on the podcast, I will I will suck my thumb.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:38

Oh, whoa.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:39

As Kirchek or as Kerchak. On stage.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:43

You will fit it into your blocking. And they will know. Now I feel like I have to go see Tarzan. Yeah. This guy saw it.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:53

Fantastic. Tupaz. Tupas.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:57

Oh my gosh. What if someone comes up and refers to you as Tupaz now?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:00

Oh, Tupaz. It's a shame he got gunned down in the streets of Vegas, huh?

SPEAKER_08 1:22:06

Anyway, um. Isn't that what happened to Tupac? No, no. Vegas? Isn't that where he died? No. I don't know anything, Dan. I mean some guy. All right, Brock. Thank you so much for coming on. What's your goal for the week?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:22

My goal for the week?

SPEAKER_08 1:22:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:25

Oh. Great question. Just uh I I try to be a positive guy. Life is uh life is crazy, has a lot of stress, so I trying to just spread positivity. That's that is my goal every week. So I'll say that.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:39

That was a great goal. Absolutely beautiful. I cannot follow that up. Well well, you have to. What's your goal for the week, Derek? Right. Um, you know, it's I I'm actually gonna take a shoe from his cabinet. Sure. I have many.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:55

Whichever one you want.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:56

I really like I like that a lot. Just spread positivity, you know? I I like that idea. There's so much negativity. And I work in a friggin' I cook for a bunch of office workers all day or just negative all the time. Like, it's a living. I'm just gonna spread that positivity. I like that. You know what? You two? You know what? Are you gonna take a glove from his handkerchief? I'm gonna steal all of both of your shoes. I'm gonna steal them all.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:22

You know what we are? Some white guys with beards. White guys are spreading positivity.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:28

Positivity and stealing shoes. Well, that's all we're doing. That's it's been an absolute treat. Uh moment of truth.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:36

Well, uh that sounded crazy. Bears? Oh no. Uh Chicago Bears. No. Go Gubs. No. Sign off.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:47

No.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:52

And we'll see ya on the flip side. Catch you on the flip side.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:56

You threw me off. That was insane. We'll catch you on the flip side. Go Bears.